A call to the childfree/childless....

by Doubtfully Yours 45 Replies latest jw friends

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  jwbot

  Doubtfully,

  Mike and I have been together for a little while now...he has more than shown himself to be incredibly dependable to his work. He is also a super awesome father-like figure to his 3 year old sister. In addition, when I was very sick with mono, he took care of my like my own mother has done in the past. I have no doubt in his word. Even though we are not married, we are married in heart because of how well we know each other (which is better than some married couples actually). Anyway, I have had serious relationships in the past and was 3 months away from marriage in another relationship and at that point said "no" to having children...Being with Mike made me look at things differently, but he also understand we are complately equal in the relationship and aside from me physically giving birth, the caregiving will be split evenly, as we will have similar careers and money. In past relationships I had felt not equal. But again, I do feel indifferent which is why I sway towards his feelings because I know he adores children and would be the best father.

  Sorry for my ramblings :)
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  tink

  i don't plan to have children. i'm far too young to have any now, but i don't forsee having any in the future, either. i just have never had any desire to raise children. i have absolutely no maternal instincts. i'm too selfish to be a good mother, anyhow. and too flighty as well. although i suspect it would be very difficult for me to conceive anyhow; my body's been through a lot and my reproductive system is sort of out of whack. oh well.
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  Doubtfully Yours

  Tink,

  There would be so much less child abuse in this world if people recognized that the parenthood calling was just not for them.

  People talk about the childfree being 'selfish', but believe you me, there's a lot of selfishness about parenthood as well. Stuff like... oh, just because my parents want grandchildren; or... oh, who'll continue the family name?! Or... oh, I want somebody to love me; I've even heard silly stuff like having children to have tax deductions!!!

  Although my main reasons for childfreedom are health related, I also never had big maternal instincts. Growing up I had more Tomboyish behavior than girlie, hence the fact that babies/kids don't inspire any 'gu-gu ga-ga' feelings in me. Just plain indifferent to the whole parenthood realm of life.

  Thanks for sharing your experience.

  DY
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  Doubtfully Yours

  Jwbot,

  Sounds like you have a wonderful man by your side. Congratulations are in order.

  I've known a few families that the woman's job is just to crank out the children, and the father does all and I mean all the work in terms of providing financially as well as bringing them up; they seem to function pretty well this way.

  Thanks for sharing.

  DY
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  Billygoat

  I'm the oldest of 3 kids and there was an 11 year difference between me and them. At 11 years old I was feeding, changing, burping, bathing...all when I should have been outside playing like any normal 11 year old does. I learned at an early age, the "romance of babies" is a lot of damn hard work. Uh-huh. That's why I'm 32 and still waiting for my biological clock to start ticking. Maybe one child in my future, but not a houseful of rugrats. Just the thought of that makes me cringe. *shudder*
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  Doubtfully Yours

  Billygoat,

  I had a similar experience being the oldest of 7. That pretty much shut down any maternal instinct I may have had.

  Thanks for making me feel I'm not alone feeling the way I do.

  DY