Welcome to the forum Betty.
silly me i know but those ridiculous thoughts sometimes still torture me.
Those "ridiculous thoughts" tortured us all and some still find those thoughts difficult to shake. The more reading that you do about the hypocrisy that the Org has demonstrated in so many areas, the less those thoughts will invade. It took me 5 years before I stopped wondering about whether the Society "had it right". The fear that was instilled in all of us had an impact and it just takes time to de-program ourselves. Why do you think I spent over 35 years in the Org? Trust your instincts. Regards.
exjdub