Hi
It's the 3 week countdown to my wedding. I'm getting married on the 4th June to a fantastic guy who I love very much. The thing is, I'm having "wedding nightmares" LOL - I'll dream that I have nothing to wear on the day, or that I forgot where the wedding is being held. (NOT A KINGDUM HALL)
Anyway to cheer myself up, and you, I thought I'd post some bloke jokes from a book my sister bought me:
Why do blokes get married? SO they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
What shows women are more intelligent than blokes? Cos diamonds are a girls best friend..........while a man's best friend is a dog.
Why were blokes given bigger brains than dogs? So that they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Why don't single women fart? Cos they don't get a bum till they get married.
Why shouldn't you hit a bloke with glasses? Cos a baseball bat is much more effective.
Why are bankers good lovers? Cos they know the penalty for early withdrawals.
Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So that blokes can be open minded!! LOL
How do you kill a bloke? Ask him to jump off his ego and land on this IQ
How do you make a bloke scream during sex? Phone him
How do you stop blokes from spitting? Turn down the grill.
How many blokes does it take to change a lightbulb? One. He stands holding the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him. LOL!!
Why are blokes like public toilets? They're either Vacant, Engaged, or full of shit!
What is the difference between a bloke and a brussells sprout? One is tasteless and smells of farts, the other is a nutritious vegetable
An intelligent bloke, an intelligent woman and father christmas are in a lift. Who gets out first? The intelligent woman of course - the other two don't exist!
How do you confuse a bloke, make him totally reckless and make his vision worse? Put him behind a windscreen.
What would have happened if it had been three wise women instead of three wise men? They'd have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts.
Sirona
