REPOST: For those without mothers

by Lady Lee 42 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Lady Lee

  Mothers Day can bring up many issues for some of us.

  For some their mothers have passed away and the opportunity to say I love you in person is forever lost.

  For others our mothers are lost to the borg. In fact, we may never have had the opportunity to celebrate a Mother's Day with them. And the whole policy on shunning can make relationships distant or non-existent.

  SO... if you want to send a message to your mother, but for whatever reasons that is impossible feel free to share your message, your hopes or even a memory
• 

  Lady Lee

  I WISH

  I wish I had a mom who could love me unconditioanlly

  Who I could call and just say HI

  To tell about my day and what I did

  To make plans with and just drop by.

  I wish I had a mom who loved me right or wrong

  To tell me secrets and my joys

  To share all sorrows and pain

  To share the ups and downs

  I wish I could tell her that she was really great

  and always knew she was there

  I wish I could hug her

  And say I still do care

  I wish the hurts of yesterday

  had never been at all

  I wish that she could love me

  Without her thick black walls

  So mother if you think of me

  This coming holiday

  Please know I wish it was different

  We'd celebrate Mother's Day
• 

  Big Tex

  My mother died of cancer in November 10, 1989. I do not know if there is any consciousness after death, but if there is this is what I would say to her:

  Mama:

  I don't miss you. I don't miss anything about you. I used to feel guilty that I don't love you, but I came to realize that is your doing. Not mine.

  I do wonder sometimes about the woman you used to be, or could have been. I would have liked to have known her. But that part of you died before I was born, didn't she? I was raised by what was left.

  Do you remember how you would make fun of me when I was sad, or when I cried? You never asked why, but I think you knew. I thnk you knew and just didn't care. That's my strongest memory of my childhood with you, an unrelenting sadness. People tell me I should have been angry at what you did, but I never could. I only really felt sad.

  I was sad when you stood and watched your father rape me.
  I was sad you made fun of me when some of the other kids threw me into a garbage can.
  I was sad when you broke my nose.
  I was sad that nothing I ever did was good enough for you.

  But most of all, I was sad that you never liked me. No child should ever know this. My body healed from the rapes and beating, but when I realized you really didn't care or have the tiniest shred of affection or just like me, it created a cold dead spot in my heart that is there to this day. I still grieve this and probably always will.

  I can't imagine not caring about my children. I have two now. Sometimes, when they don't notice, I watch them when they play or when they're asleep. My life that could have been, and wasn't. Did you know they can sleep with the door open? I never could. They don't awaken screaming in the middle of the night. They will never know what I know. But most of all, they will never know you and for that I am truly grateful.

  There is one thing I used to be angry about: how you manipulated my friends before you died. You told me once that you would try to drag me down with you. You damned near did. But out of your hatred came the greatest gift you ever gave me: you made it impossible for me to stay a Witness.

  Without you, I would never have left. Perhaps there is a God after all.

  If there truly is, I hope he was shown more mercy and kindess to you, than you did to me.

  Your son,

  Chris
• 

  Maya

  Oh, god, Chris......

  The tears are running down my face......I can't stop crying.....

  I hurt for you and for everyone else that has been so hurt, so hurt.......

  I grieve for the Mother's Day that I could never and will never have with my JW mom.......

  I grieve for the Mother's Day that I could never and will never have with the baby I lost...

  The only baby that I would ever be so blessed to briefly carry....and then lose...

  Sincerely,

  Maya
• 

  alias

  Lady Lee,

  Thank you for this.

  alias

  ----

  Dear Mom,

  How are you today? No, I mean, how are you really?

  You know, I wish you would help me understand what happened during your childhood that made you build your walls. I only know about small pieces of your life before you married Dad. I know it must be painful for you. I'm so sad that even though you are in your mid-60s, you never seemed to face your pain and work through it.

  If that day ever came, I would want to be there to support you.

  Mom, know that whatever it was, I still love you. I'm just so sorry that it's affected your adult life in the way it has. It was difficult growing up in an estranged family where hugs and 'I love you's' didn't flourish.

  Mom, I know that your current religious beliefs somehow fill a void and bring you comfort. Your running away from your past in hopes of some future utopia is well understood. I know it is what you need to survive.

  Mom, I still wish I could call you up and really talk to you. No, not just about surface things like how my sister is doing, or did I get the calendar you just sent me in the mail. But tell you how I've grown into an adult myself. How I see life now. How my life has changed since I stopped attending the KH and let my life flourish in a way that feels right to me.

  Mom, after I worked through my anger towards you several years ago, I suddenly felt deep compassion for you. My heart opened up and realized how much of you I have inside me. My love of nature and animals, my creativity. And my biological defects. Most likely the same ones you had but didn't know how to deal with. Our generation has learned how to better manage the imbalances.

  Mom, I'm sorry you and dad choose not to be active in the lives of your children in your retirement years. Your current priorities and beliefs occupy all of your time and energy. You will live your golden years in the way you believe is the best for you. I honor that.

  When Mother's day comes around every year, my heart feels a void for the mother I never had. I've learned to fill that void with love and compassion. Who knows, maybe someday or some other time we'll connect on that level that we were meant to. Maybe that time will come through my own offspring.

  I love you Mom.

  ---------
• 

  Sassy

  aahhh.. this thread is going to make me cry. I don't think I can write my mom here. It's a wonderful idea. Maybe next year I will be up to it.
• 

  ohiocowboy

  Mom,

  Even though you want nothing to do with me, I still think of you a lot, and wish things could have been different. I am still the same caring person that you knew while I was in the Organization. I wish that you were not blinded to the fact that just because I do not share your religious beliefs, and practice a lifestyle that you do not approve of, does not make me an evil person. Unanswered e-mails, and no return phone calls makes me feel that I am unworthy of your love. I see my friends having nice relationships with their parents, and in a way I feel jealous and resentful that I do not have that with you. There are so many nice, fun things that I could have shared with you over the years, but, because of the so called "Truth", I have not been able to be a part of your life. If things ever change, and you would like to have a son again, please know that I would welcome you with open arms, tears of joy, and look forward to the future, and not dwell on the past, and work toward the goal of having a nice Mother-Son relationship with you. I have always loved you, and always will! Even though you do not acknowledge the fact that I am your son, you will always be my mother, So I wish you a Happy Mother's Day, and I will use that day to think about the loving times that we had together while growing up. That will be my tribute to you.

  CJ
• 

  Nosferatu

  This is a real sore spot for me.

  Mom: Within the past few years, I have done much repair of my personal self, and have discovered many things. Some of the "flaws" in my personality were caused by you. When I was in elementary school doing arts and crafts projects, many of the children around me were making things for their mothers. I ended up making things for the cat. I felt incredibly ashamed of trying to love my parents, since I didn't feel it. Even in my grown age, I still don't feel it. Only recently, I understand why I've felt this way all my life.

  I felt I could never come to you with my problems. Whenever I did, it only resulted in you screaming at me, or beating me. By doing this, you taught me to keep all my problems to myself, for if I did reveal my problems, I would be punished for doing so.

  When I was in grade seven, I was punched, kicked, and hit for the clothes that I wore. I had tried to speak up about the clothes you wanted me to wear, but you only yelled at me, and told me to be obedient. I therefore had no choice but to face the abuse at school, and my stress began to take a toll on me. I used to shake uncontrollably even when I was getting ready for school. But you would have thought that I was faking it, just like I was faking my stomach problems. You only believed me after I was sent home from school, with a note from the nurse stating that I had thrown up in the school hallway.

  I blame all of my post-traumatic stress disorder on you. You hit me many times, and gave cause for others to hit me. It's getting better, but it will never completely go away.

  Our relationship now is a bit better, but I still fucking hate it when you lie to my face, telling me you never hit me when I was a child. I cannot forgive you for all the harm you caused me until you realize what you've done. I really want to forgive you, but I can't.

  Ben.
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  reboot

  ((lady lee)) this post was a lovely thought..i'm sorry for the sadness some of you have....we had our mother's day a while ago but just thought i'd share these quotes with you all..my mother died from cancer 3 years ago after an horrific battle and is always in my thoughts...ours was'nt a perfect relationship, but she would often put her self in physical danger to protect me and had her own troubles. We shared a telepathic bond and an unspoken understanding that made us beyond close.Her generosity of spirit, willingness to help others at the expense of her own happiness and kindness to others were unbelieveable and inspirational.
  

  Nobody can have the soul of me.My mother has had it, and nobody can have it again.Nobody can come into my very self again, and breathe me like an atmosphere.

  D.H.Lawrence

  .A mother is a person who if she's not there when you get home from school you would'nt know how to get your dinner, and you would'nt feel like eating it anyway.

  Anon.

  To my mother I tell the truth.I have no thought, no feeling that I cannot share with my mother, and she is like a second concience to me, her eyes like a mirror reflecting my own image

  William Gerhardi

  that if a man loves his mother he will always love his wife

  George Jean Nathan

  the only ghosts, I believe, who creep into this world, are dead youn mothers, returned to see how their children fare.There is no other inducement great enough to bring the dear departed back.

  J.M.Barrie
• 

  run dont walk

  For some their mothers have passed away and the opportunity to say I love you in person is forever lost

  the sad thing is, mine is still alive and i cant say it in person, thanks to the Watchtower we have no relationship at all, and she told me, you will die at Armageddon.

  hhhhhhhhmmmmmm, wonder which is worse

  Thanks Watchtower ...............