You ever just stop and listen to dubs and the way they talk?

by doodle-v 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  doodle-v

  I went to get my hair done and my beautician happens to be a dub. She has known me and my family for a long time and she has an idea that im "inactive" but thankfully she hasnt been really nosy otherwise i would take my business elsewhere. Anyway, I've long since faded and when I do go to get my hair done I manage to avoid all "jehoober" related conversation and have so far been successful. Anyway, last saturday i was getting my hair did when in walks my hairdressers niece.

  She is a couple of years younger then myself (in her mid twenties). Her family and my hairdressers family and my family are hard core dub zealots and have all known each other for a long time. So anyway she walks in and this is how the conversation with her aunt goes. I'm just listening, and after awhile im not sure whether to vomit or pee my pants laughing.

  My hairdresser to her niece: Hiiiiii how are youuuuuu?

  Niece: ohhh fiiiiine, you'll never guess what happened to me this afternoon

  My hairdresser: what?

  Niece: ohhh well I was driving on my way here and I saw some kids holding a sign that says carwash. So I thought i would pull over. the kids were really nice and everything but then when i got to the front of the line...

  Hairdresser: It was for a church wasnt it? ohhhhh noooooooooo, (shaking her head) what did you do?

  Niece: well yeah they said it was to raise money for their chuuuuuuurch! and I just froze! I didnt know what to do! I thought "oh jehovah what how will you feel? here i am about to give money to support Christendom!

  Hairdresser: oh my word! what did you do?

  Niece: well I had some Watchtowers in my car and I thought about witnessing to them, but i couldnt think of what to say. So I just got my car washed anyway. But........you know I felt so guilty. And then I thought about the special assembly talk about the great tribulation where brother so and so talks about how during the great tribulation we are going to face difficulties and are we going to be ready and prepared?

  Hairdresser: hmmm hmmm (nods her head knowingly)

  Niece: well anyway I just like oh jehover forgive me i didnt purposefully try to suppor christendom....maybe I can go back and witness to them!

  Hairdresser: thats a good idea, well you know I had a wordly customer in here earlier and she started talking about how she went to go see a Psychic!

  Niece: GASP

  Hairdresser: YES, and i nearly froze, i had to gather my thought because i didnt want to just out-right say that Jehoover doesnt approve of psychics so i tried talking about bible times and about King Saul who went to a fortune teller and how things turned out bad for him because of that.

  Niece:oooh good for you

  Hairdresser- V are you ok? do you want a glass of water?

  Me: uhhh *cough* sure thanks

  I didnt know whether to pee my pants laughing or to vomit, they way they talk was just too funny. but then again, it wasnt too long ago that I was exactly the same way!

  That dubthink and dubspeak sure is crazy!

  -Doodle-V
• 

  gumby

  I didnt know whether to pee my pants laughing or to vomit,

  You just haaaaaaaad to mention a wet spot didn't ya?

  If those two braindead girls realised how much Christendom owns.........they would still be wearing those old fashioned sanitary napkins(rags) cuz they wouldn't be able shop at any stores.

  You shoulda told her that her money would be best spent by putting her 5 bucks in the contribution box at the hall marked for "pedophiles only".

  So.....how did your hair turn out anyways?

  Gumby
• 

  doodle-v

  You just haaaaaaaad to mention a wet spot didn't ya?

  Just fer you gumby! you know you liked it.

  Hair turned out good.
• 

  natalienu

  HAHAHA! I had an incident a few weeks back when I was at a meeting an we got talking about psychics and I said I had a girl read my charka once. They all gasped at me and told me that it was false. And then when I said all the things she told me were spot on, they all changed the subject!

  dubspeak is so funny, but so draining, i had the hardest time fitting in. very strained and false the way I was talking.
• 

  shamus

  Oooooh, I just hate how they talk to you sometimes too! One time, a long long time ago, a buddy of mine who is a witness and myself, a never go to a meeting bastard, faded 5 years... bla bla bla... gets married in our town. It was no big deal that I wasn't invited, because I barley knew him; never mind that I had a dreaded goatee.

  Well, I'm working and this one buddy of mine's mother comes up to me and starts asking me "probing" questions..... "are you still in 'the trooth'" Do you still believe that it's 'the troouth'"???...

  I mean please ef-off, LOL!

  I'm going back to my hometown this weekend where I was a dub.... if I saw a dub and they started talking to me, I think I would just burst out laughing.... doodle-v, I don't know how you lasted so long, LOL!
• 

  myauntfanny

  That's hilarious. You ought to write a film script or something. You got some special little talent there for reproducing funny dialogue.

  Don't conversations like that just make you want to say something really bad? When I read it I realised in a flash where I got my underlying constant desire to shock people.
• 

  Sirona

  We always laugh because there's an elder in our old hall who talks EXACTLY like the guy on Monty Python's Life of Brian. You know the scene where everyone is lining up to be crucified? the guy who asks "Crusifixion? Goood... Go over to the left and collect your cross" He is so sickly sweet and false.

  Just recently when I talked to dubs it did make me sick how sickly sweet they were when they were talking to me. "Oh, we have missed you! Oh, its SO SO nice to see you" (and I'm thinking "yeah right, that's why you haven't been in touch for 5 years")

  Then you get the JW speak words like Kingdom, and "last days", "truth", "in the world" etc.

  I swear this JW guy I met last weekend actually sat there and said "Well she's still in the world. She believes everything her college tutor tells her. She says it has to be facts, and she just can't see the truth" - the words "college tutor" and "facts" were almost spat out of his mouth as though they were dirty words.

  Sirona
• 

  blondie

  I had some Watchtowers in my car and I thought about witnessing to them, but i couldnt think of what to say.

  Not

  I had a Bible in my car and I thought about witnessing to them, after all I'm out in the ministry every day (every week, once a month more like it.)

  Around here there are big signs leading up to and at those type of car washes, identifying the group running the event. Hmmm....I wonder if she was paying attention on the road?

  Yes, you observed the "pure language" that the WTS says separates out good JWs from JWs who have been away from the WTS and not up to date on the new words. The WTS even has had articles about how the Israelites could determine if a person was a Canaanite spy by the way they said a certain word shibboleth or sibbolelth. I have to catch myself and not say "JW" when I run into them occasionally.

  BTW, she should know that

  wordly customer

  Is no longer PC according to the WTS. JWs should say "non-witness. Good advice, in writing but not practiced by JWs. Too many years of using the disparaging term, "worldly." This was the same year they tried to get them to stop saying "the Society says" and say "the Bible says" instead. That hasn't worked either.

  w98 12/1 p. 15 Defending Our Faith ***

  8

  However, the counsel to remain without spot from the world does not give us any basis for categorically belittling those who are not Jehovah?s Witnesses. (Proverbs 8:13) Recall the example of the Jewish religious leaders, discussed in the preceding article. The form of religion they developed did not win favor with Jehovah; nor did it contribute to good relations with non-Jews. (Matthew 21:43, 45) From their self-righteous perch, these fanatic men looked down on the Gentiles. We do not take such a narrow view, treating non-Witnesses with disdain. Like the apostle Paul, our wish is that all who hear the Bible?s message of truth gain God?s favor.?Acts 26:29; 1 Timothy 2:3, 4.

  9

  A balanced, Scriptural view should affect the way we speak about non-Witnesses. Paul instructed Titus to remind the Christians on the island of Crete "to speak injuriously of no one, not to be belligerent, to be reasonable, exhibiting all mildness toward all men." (Titus 3:2) Notice that Christians were to speak injuriously of "no one"?not even of the non-Christians on Crete, some of whom were known for their lying, gluttony, and laziness. (Titus 1:12) So it would be unscriptural for us to use disparaging terms when referring to ones who do not share our beliefs. A superior attitude will not attract others to Jehovah?s worship. Rather, when we view and treat others in line with the reasonable principles of Jehovah?s Word, we "adorn the teaching" of God.?Titus 2:10.

  ***

  w98 3/15 p. 19 Living Up to Christian Dedication in Freedom ***

  In order to avoid misunderstandings, Jehovah?s Witnesses try to be careful about how they express themselves. Instead of saying, "the Society teaches," many Witnesses prefer to use such expressions as, "the Bible says" or, "I understand the Bible to teach." In this way they emphasize the personal decision that each Witness has made in accepting Bible teachings and also avoid giving the false impression that Witnesses are somehow bound to the dictates of some religious sect.
• 

  acsot

  Can you imagine all that guilt and asking Jehoober's forgiveness just for getting a friggin' car washed?

  But as you say, we were like that at one time also. I feel sorry for them.
• 

  Elsewhere

  And then I thought about the special assembly talk about the great tribulation where brother so and so talks about how during the great tribulation we are going to face difficulties and are we going to be ready and prepared?

  Oh yeah! Having to decide whether to have a car washed by a church or not is a terrible tribulation!!!!!