Do Abused Children Tend To Be Abusive Adults???

by minimus 47 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • ThiChi
    ThiChi

    I have met people who came from abusive families and are great, productive individuals. I have met others who came from a stable family and were not worth their weight in salt.

    Studies are mixed. Environment does play a role on everyone?s choices in life, However, this does not mean you are doomed to perpetual victim status the rest of your life.

    Some take advantage of this misguided "status" by hiding and not taking responsibility for their actions, however, most do not.

    As an example, should you avoid people as friends or mates just because they have been abused as a child? Or, have had any other "victim status" occurrences in life?

    Of course not, its absurd. So too the premise of this question.

  • little witch
    little witch

    Well done Lee!

    Thankyou for your hard work.

    And from a personal perspective, I want to say that at best, an abused child grows up to be hindered. I was horribly abused as a child. I don't hit my children, but I am certainly stunted as a parent. I would have been a better parent if I didn't have to continually work on overcoming the abuse I suffered.

    Kudos to all you chain breakers out there! The very fact that you have overcome the cycle of abuse is just awesome. I have come to know so many on this board who suffered years of the most horrid abuse and yet they broke the chain, suffered the consequences that comes with breaking family ties, and go on to speak out for the good of others. Your strenghth is amazing. My strenghth is amazing.

    Wow, I have never acknowledged my own strenghth. That felt good!

  • minimus
    minimus

    Lady Lee and others--- Thank you for your research.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    One more that I think is interesting - I have highlighted some important points and my comments in red at the end

    The Cycle of Violence Revisited

    Document Author:

    Jeremy Travis, Director, National Institute of Justice Research Preview
    Date Posted: April,1999 What happens to abused and neglected children after they grow up? Do the victims of violence and neglect later become criminals or violent offenders themselves?

    A series or ongoing studies (sponsored by the National Institute of Justice, the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, and the National Institute of Mental Health) are examining the lives of 1,575 child victims identified in court cases of abuse and neglect dating from 1967 to 1971. By 1994, almost half of the victims (most of whom were then in their late twenties and early thirties) had been arrested for some type of nontraffic offense. Eighteen percent had been arrested for a violent crime--an increase of 4 percent in 6 years since arrest records were first checked. Rates of arrest were at least 25 percent higher among black victims.

    Another key finding was that neglected children's rates of arrest for violence were almost as high as physically abused children's. Neglect was defined by the court as an excessive failure by caregivers to provide food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention.

    Although the study is not yet completed, these preliminary findings indicate a need for criminal justice and social service agencies to take a proactive, preventive stance to stop the cycle of violence. The goal is early identification of abused and neglected children and careful, sensitive handling of these cases to avoid an early criminal justice intervention that could become the first in a spiral if sanctions.

    Study methods

    Begun in 1986, the initial study was designed to overcome many of the methodological problems of earlier studies conducted on this topic, such as dependence on a retrospective approach, a short-term timeframe, or data derived from self-reports. The study was based on documented records: a sample of 1,575 court cases of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect that had occurred form 1967 to 1971 in a midwestern county. At the time the cases came to court, all of the children were under the age of 11, and the mean age was about 6. To isolate the effects of abuse and neglect from those of other variables, such as gender, race, and poverty, researchers created a control group whose members matched the sample on the basis of age, gender, race, and family social class.

    During the first phase of the study, in 1987 and 1988, researchers examined the criminal records of sample and control group members and compiled histories for all nontraffic offenses at the local, State, and Federal levels. To learn what was happening to those who were not arrested, researchers performed a national death index search in 1989 and began interviewing victims in the sample group; more than 1,100 interviews have been completed. In 1994, researchers again examined arrest records of both the sample and control groups.

    Risk of arrest

    In the late eighties, researchers found that 28 percent of the sample group had been arrested--11 percent for a violent crime. Of the control group, 21 percent had been arrested--8 percent for a violent crime. They also noted that differences in arrest rates between members of the two groups began to emerge early--at the ages of 8 and 9. However, at this time, only 65 percent of the victims had passed through the peak years of violent offending--from age 20 to 25.

    Six years later, almost 100 percent of the sample were 26 or older. After recompiling criminal histories, researchers found larger differences between the sample and control groups. This time, 49 percent of the overall sample group had been arrested--18 percent for a violent crime--compared with 38 percent of the control group--14 percent for a violent crime. Although rates were high for the control group (who shared such risk factors ad poverty), they were significantly higher for those neglected and abused as children.

    Abuse and neglect appeared to magnify preexisting disparities between the races. Black individuals who had been abused or neglected as children were being arrested at much higher rates than white individuals with the same background: in the sample group, 82 percent of black males and 50 percent of black females had been arrested for some type of offense; 50 percent of black victims had an arrest for violence.

    An important finding was that neglect appeared to be just as damaging as physical abuse. The rate of arrest for violent crimes among those sample group members who had been neglected as children was almost as high as the rate for those who had been physically abused.

    Additional findings

    During the interviews, both males and females reported having made suicide attempts. Males seemed to be at increased risk for antisocial personality disorder or psychopathy, whereas females seemed to be at increased risk for alcoholism and prostitution. Contrary to popular belief, however, no relationship was established between childhood abuse and neglect and teen pregnancy.

    Breaking the cycle of violence

    The researchers urged further study on the causes of the race-specific risk of arrest for blacks. Because differences in arrest rates between members of the sample and control groups began to emerge around the ages of 8 and 9, early identification of abused and neglected children and circumspect handling of their cases are essential. The community policing approach, which emphasizes problem-solving and prevention, may provide appropriate opportunities for thoughtful criminal justice interventions.

    What I find interesting here is that while 49 % of the sample group was arrested at some point there is no mention of the 51% who had never been arrested. Basicly there is a 50/50% chance of going on to a life of criminal problems.

    The study doesn't comment on whether these criminal acts were associated with the cycle of abuse.

    This study also doesn't address problems that might not come to the attention of the judicial system. And it doesn't address issues of revictimization that frequently occur. But I think it is an important study in showing that not all go on to repeat at least part of the cycle.

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Lady Lee, I read all the things you quoted from, and I appreciate you putting it all here for us to read.

    I have to admit that I have a big lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, not just for the child within myself, but for so many others I know have been thru the same thing. I sudder to think of the things behind closed doors that I never see. If I were God , I could not handle what I see happening to the little children on earth.

    Now would be a good time for my kids to go swimming in that forbidden mud hole out in the back fields, because the way I feel right now I just want to hug them and love them and see them as free as they are.

    I will be the first to admit I have made alot of mistakes as a young parent, but I can say I have never abused my kids, and the chain has been broken.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Thanks Lying You are one of the examples of those who chose to do different

    I'm going to admit something. Before I left my JW husband and got therapy I did some things to my kids I regret. I had made real effort to not repeat some of my mother's (and father's and step-father's and foster parents) mistakes. I never slapped them across the face. I never called them names. I never beat them black and blue. I never locked them in their rooms or forced them to miss their meals.

    I made a lot of effort to be there for them. But there were many things I missed. As a JW I bought into the spanking thing although I always limited that to the behind (with clothes on). I was such a wreak emotionally that sometimes I would just scream in rage (poor kids). But the problem for me was even though I had made conscious choices to not repeat the past I didn't always know what to replace it with. I was at a total loss and in that loss was the spankings and the screaming.

    Now I suspect that a lot of my frustration came from living in an intolerable marriage and religion. Even though I never got counseling specifically in how to raise and discipline children once I was away from the ex and the JWs the screaming and spanking stopped.

    I was calmer and my parenting skills improved. I did start reading about parenting skills and tried some of them (some worked and others didn't). The girls were 9 and 13 and I can honestly say the older one was never hit by me again and the younger only once and I felt terrible (not that I didn't feel terrible about the spankings and screaming).

    I still regret the early years. But I did make the needed changes. The cycle can be stopped.

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    It takes alot of courage to admit the mistakes we make as parents .

    Lady Lee, I know exactly what you mean. There was a time, when I got very depressed,,,,,,,about 2 yrs before I left the JW's, and I saw myself being neglectful to my kids. I never locked them in a room for 12 hours while I was passed out on pills, without food or a bathroom. I never told them I wish I never had them. I never slapped my kids in the face, I never spanked them with a switch. I never punished my kids so horribly that they were humilated, and shamed for days, so badly that they lost the will to eat. Those are just some of the more minor , compared to more major things I endured as a very little girl.

    But,,,,,,,still the same, I felt I was just like my mother when I went thru the depressions,I just knew my kids needed me 100%, and I felt guit that I couldnt be there. I have been very lucky to have a husband who took care of the things the kids needed when I couldnt.

    I have always been honest with my children. When I have done things , not necessarlily to them, I have hurt myself more than anyone, I am honest about doing wrong, making mistakes. I don't try to do this to let myself off the hook. But I don't want them to grow up thinking as I did, any mistake you make you have to suffer so dearly for it. We can hate ourselves and crawl in a hole and die, but what good does that do,,, I tell them , when they think they are so wrong, that life is about learning, and we live, we learn and we try not to make the same mistake again.

    That was a gift my mother gave me right before she died,,,,,she was in therapy for the drug abuse a short while,,,,and that was to admit when you have not done right and to ask forgiveness and to stop punishing yourself over it. She learned this in her group sessions.

    But sad to say,,,she could tell me this and she knew it to be true,,but she never fully got to the part of forgiving herself.

    Being one of JW's is a great breeding ground for self contempt . We were taught we are never good enough, and soon we believe that to be true.

    I too noticed LL, that when I left the borg,,,,,,,,,my depressions were not so dark,,,,,I still get them from time to time, but they are not near what it was like. I don't have the migraines and other body aches, as much as I did as a JW. I don't have the panic attacks, or feeling I want to run away , screaming anymore.

    I often get sick to my stomach thinking what my life would have been like if I would have continued to be a JW, if I were never able to truly free myself. I will always feel so lucky to have been one of the ones who made it thru.....not only from childhood abuse , but from cult abuse as well.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    yup Lying there is so much we could have done to repeat the past and make our children's lives miserable

    I have talked about this and apologized to both my daughters. My oldest (about to be a second-time mom) has never feared leaving her children with me. I know I made enough changes and she knows I would never be that person I once was. Although she has made peace with her father for his abuse (and his most definitely crossed the line into abuse) she will never leave her children with him.

    I know I have done OK. Not perfect -- but I made amends and changed and they know it. And I let them know that it wasn't them. That I just felt so out of control of my life.

    Recognizing some things is easy. Others - the more subtle things are really hard. And certainly depression makes it all the harder to see and change.

    I used to have major health problems. Even a pinched nerve in my neck that went away once I got rid of the male pain in my neck. I developed retinal migraines that caused blindness in one eye. (talk about scary stuff) That too went away after I left all the stress of the marriage and JWs. What a horrible way to live.

    ((((Lying)))) You are one strong lady

  • little witch
    little witch

    "being a jw is a breeding ground for self-contempt"

    That is so true Dede. You said it so well. And that self-contempt gets projected to children in further generations. That is by far the worse part of child abuse. The projection. Once that is broken healing and safety can flourish.

    I so relate to your story of the puddle. Kids arent supposed to get dirty, or to show absolute self indulgence. My daughter asked me could she go out to play in the rain the other day, and I said, "you go girl"! As I watched, she ran to the muddy ditch and pulled a perfect cannon-ball into the muddy water! LOL. She had a riot, and I felt so at peace and good at her freedom.

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    LL, isnt is just amazing how our bodies try to tell us something is wrong, when our poor worn out minds couldnt speak for us?? Amazing.

    LW,,, when you told you daughter......"you go girl!!!!!" I got chills, thrill chills I guess,hehe because I truly know what it feels like to be able to watch your children be happy and free, and in away you let that child ( ourselves) jump right in the mud or walk in the rain with our own kids. There have been many times I have done things that were never allowed and right after leaving the borg,,,,,I did things that most kids and teens did when I was too burdened with life at such a young age to ever enjoy. Two years after leaving the borg and going thru my second, ( so much better ,,,lol) childhood, I still find the innocent wonders of things , are the things that make life worth living. It gave me my second wind so to speak.

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