This past week I met an old friend for coffee - she's a x-JW also but still in the trap of thinking they are the "truth" - in fact, she's trying to get reinstated, but that's another topic I'll leave for another time.
As we were having coffee 2 car groups of JW's came in for their service break. Her reaction was obvious to me that she felt uncomfortable with them there. As I was noticing her reaction I thought of the stages I have gone through since I was DF'd.
At first I was embarassed and ashamed when I would run into JW's somewhere. I felt almost as if they owned whatever place they were at and I didn't belong. I knew what they thought of me, how lowly they viewed me, and I wanted to slink out as fast as possible.
I moved from shame to anger - it would P*%% me off when I would see them - who do they think they are - the self righteous &*(!!.
But now I don't feel shame or anger - it's more of a kind of pitty - like I felt for a girl named Patty in high school. Patty was friends with one of the "popular girls" and Patty thought this automatically made HER popular. Patty was the most stuck-up little witch I ever knew in high school. The funny thing was - she had nothing to be stuck-up about. She wasn't pretty, no talent, and definately no personality to be envious of. The only thing she had going for her was that she was friends with a popular girl. Unknown to Patty, she was the joke of the school. Every time she left the room the girls would laugh about what a shallow snob she was and the boys would make fun of her ample bottom, lack of good looks, and how easily they could get her in bed. Even though I couldn't stand Patty, I felt a bit sorry for her because although she thought she was on top of the world, she had no idea what a looser everyone else thought she was.
When these JW's walked into the coffee shop this is how I looked at them. They were in a little glass bubble of their own reality and I was on the outside with everyone else looking in and saying "oh how sad". I didn't feel like an x-jw - I felt like I was just another person in the coffee shop.
I might not have even realized I had reached this point had I not been there with my other friend who was a mirror of my past. I'm not sure when I moved on to this stage - but it feels good. I'm no longer a victim, I'm not even a survivor. I'm just me and they are them. I think I have finally healed.
