1. Get thrown out after tossing strings of beads to sisters getting baptized and yelling "Show us your boobs".
2. Do business witnessing at every adult bookstore while wearing a prominent name badge ( "T. Jaracz"), after buying
bondage magazines and inviting the bored girl behind the cash register to the Sunday talk.
3. Slip green pieces of paper into contribution boxes that say "Oops! I gave your contribution to Silentlambs"
4. Clap at inappropriate moments ( "Sisters are reminded not to flush..........")
5. Spread confusion by asking things like "If missionaries got stranded without food and had to eat each other,
should they be bled completely first?"
6. Look for any sense of irony. "If I tell everyone this is a cult, can I be disfellowshipped?"
7. Cook food in rooms, don't leave tips, let your kids pull the fire alarm - OOPS! My mistake! Those are things
ordinary Witnesses do at assemblies!
8. Draw a smiling, suggestive female figure on any paper covered mirrors in women's bathrooms.
9. Sneak out during the Saturday baptism and bring back Whoppers with cheese for everyone in your row.
10. Save seats using a heavy chain and padlock
an extra # 11. Set up a "Radio Free Watchtower" next to the FM frequency the assembly uses for broadcast.
Run "Miracle Wheat" commercials for sponsorship.
If Dave Barry was a Witness.....
metatron