"Sharing" a piece of myself - part 4

by Tallyman 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  COMF

  after I criticized your favorite poem, ...you inquired:

  "Struggling inside a little bit these days, Tom?
  That's okay. Rant on, dude, it's good for the soul." - COMF

  Hell yes, I'm struggling inside these days. More than a little bit.
  I killed my brother. No matter the circumstance, I will ALWAYS
  be struggling with it. I'd have to be a Sociopath not to be struggling with it.

  Why do you ask, COMF? Because you really care?

  Yep. That's why I said what I did, Tom. It was a nod to, an acknowledgement of, the emotional state I know you must be in. I could have argued with you. I could have posted my refutation, my explanation of the poem's meaning. But what good would that do? I didn't want to argue with you over a poem. It sounded like you had a lot of pent-up pain, anger and disillusionment that needed an outlet. So I said, "Rant on, dude, it's good for the soul." I said that because I have ranted in public that way too, not so long ago, when I was in pain and angry about it. And the ranting helped. Not only that, but folks online who listened to my rants forgave me. They understood.

  "Okay", how did you like my "rant", dude?

  Was it "good" for your "soul"?

  Yeah, buddy. It was righteous!

  COMF

  Edited to add this P.S.:
  Tom, I replied to part 2 and part 3 before this one. I mention this because I didn't repeat myself in any of the three posts, and I want to be sure you see my complete answer to you.
• 

  Farkel

  Tom old buddy,

  So given the responses to you spilling your heart out to us,
  you would be hard pressed to find better friends than us, eh?

  I hope you see this as clearly as I do, my old Kult Krime fighter friend.

  Farkel
  Loyal to Good People Forever Class
• 

  Tina

  (((((((((((TallyHo)))))))))))))I hear your pain sweetie. It can only get better from now on.....luv,Tina
• 

  esther

  Tom, I have read all four parts of your story. You have surely been through the mill.
  I understand that you feel badly at what happened to your brother, but if you hadn't managed to stop him, it would possibly have been 2 lives lost, yours and your fathers. So what else could you do, when the police were too scared to do anything.

  You obviously have inner strength and courage, and I hope that you will also have an inner peace from your hurt in the near future.

  (((((((Tom)))))))

  esther
• 

  Prisca

  Tally,

  Hang in there!
• 

  LadyBug

  (((((((((((((((((Tallyman))))))))))))))) for sharing

  BEW
• 

  somebody

  Tom,

  All you wrote must have been very hard. Thank you for sharing this part of you with us. We can only imagine all you have lived through. You've given us the chance to imagine it by your spilling your heart out here.

  I only wish that it were possible for us to take your pain away. A sad fact is that there will always be the lip sevice people you spoke about. Those are the same people who view you as "Proven Innocent, But Not Really Innocent" people. And there really is nothing you can do about your sisters. How is your father doing?

  I sincerely pray that time eases your pain, and that you can find some inner peace.

  peace,
  somebody
• 

  ZazuWitts

  Dear Tom,

  I would like to add my thanks to you for you sharing your ordeal with all of us. I, too, send love and hugs...and hope the 'collective' expressions of compassion for what you have been through are, at least, in part, of some comfort to you.
  
  Short and sweet: Desperate times require desperate actions...sometimes there is no other way. And, your jury obviously concurred.

  I did want to share something regarding Henley with you. As a young boy, he lost a foot to, what was then called tubercular bone disease (osteomyelitis.)
  He was a studious young man, who excelled in his studies. He was, I believe, still in his early twenties, when he was threatened with the loss of a leg. He put himself into the care of Dr. Joseph Lister, who was at the time, newly involved in the study of antiseptic medicine.

  Henley was hospitalized for some 20 months, I think, while being treated. It was during this long confinement that he started writing poetry...some of his efforts lead to 'Invictus.' As I recall, he experienced periods of deep depression and despair, and often bitterness. At some point, he came to the conclusion, that what was, simply 'was.' And, he determined that he had to deal with his life as it was.....therefore, he took the philosophical viewpoint: "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." I am not certain, but I believe I read this in an Enclycopedia Britannica entry?? when I was doing some research on Henley some time ago.

  In this context, I view Henley's words, not as arrogant, but born of his own human suffering.
• 

  AGuest

  'Geez, Fred... HAVE a HEART! Here, take some of mine... My Lord KNOWS I got PLENTY... compared to you.

  Dearest Tom...

  In truth, I think 80% of the women in prison for defending themselves against abusive mates know of what you speak. I don't think, however, that ANYONE can prepare and/or anticipate what they will do in a situation of domestic abuse. Unlike abuse from a stranger, which you CAN prepare for by taking various classes and lessons, even if you are being abused at home, you never quite think it's going to get to this point. You are simply incapable of imagining it. I promise you that IF domestically abused folks KNEW the 'breaking point', they would get out. And many do, but even then, that does not save them.

  We live in a world where people not only don't understand, but in many cases REFUSE to understand. FredHall appears to be one. I feel quite sorry for him now, though. Why? Because, most likely it is going to happen to Fred, or someone very close to him... for with the same judgment he is judging, he will be judged. Your situation is one of those 'never say never' things, for just when you do... what you said you would NEVER do... occurs. Another 'law' of the universe.

  There is no one here who can truly 'feel' what you feel... and you well, know that. I don't think any of us wish to. BUT... most of us have learned to love... without passing judgment... to consider the true INTENT... and try to 'be there' if we can. Even if it's only in words, which is WAY easier than being there in deed.

  I cannot ask or even expect you to get past any of what has occurred in your life, Tom. But, KNOW this... that not all judge you detrimentally. Some of us do have a heart, and while maybe not under the law of Christ that is love, have become 'a law unto themselves', and thus do... BY NATURE... the things of the law. Which is love.

  Grab hold of that. When you're low... come here and speak. Let it out. And let us help you 'bear' it. For most of us will.

  I bid you TRUE peace, the peace that only Christ can give, in your heart AND in your mind...

  John 14:27

  ... and I remain your servant and a slave of Christ,

  SJ
• 

  Englishman

  Tom Tally:

  I joined H20 after you had been arrested, but Farkel kept us up to date on what was going on.

  All I know is that I enjoy your posts, we've spoken in the chat room, and you seem to be a fellow ex-dub who's been through the mill.

  You seem very normal to me! Here's a big English ((hug))! Thats big for us.

  Englishman.

  ..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.