That most puzzlin' species called Women, or Ladies if you prefer .....

Celtic

Why?

Celtic sighs harumphing as he does so.

If only.

If only more men were like women and some women were like men the world would be almost perfect. The added schenalligan though still in the recipe afterwards I'm sure would be women, though definitely not men, though in the minority would still cause hell for everyone else. You can take that as an inverted compliment. I could explain your puzzled look, raised eyebrow at this statement, but what is point? Twould only get me in even more trouble. If you really need to try the law of opposites in this regard, simply stick mirror to above and put your clothes on inside out, and surprisingly enough, twill all soon make complete, perfect sense.

I get the point, you didn't. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm .... daft trouts and balmpots, got to love them all.

Women. They're confusing me again. What the ruddy hec do I do? Tis most bothersome and troublesome, 'nough to send a man to drink.

I'm writing to about 5 of them at the moment, only I can't remember anymore what I've said to each. That in itself is anoying enough, but thats not the problem.

Hmmmmmm bother. Making mugs of tea is so much easier than making out with ladies.

Anyway, I digress, now bloomin hec, thats their fault, since writing about them, I've forgotten what I was going to say about them.

Please help me out with some potential reminders.

Post willy nilly below you bounders!!

Celty

CeriseRose

It's genetic. There's a little thing on the Y chromosome that means that men don't always get women.

I think it's for survival of the species. Confused men are soooo cute and endearing that we just can't help ourselves.

Celtic

Take Granny Grace for example.

If only the lass were 40 years younger I'd marry her tomorrow morning.

But it's never quite right with women is it lads?

You find the perfect lady in your life and shes 90 and your 30. What bloomin ridiculousness!!

Hmmmmmm.

This is my worrying quest see.

This is my problem see. I love her breasts but her hips are too big. I love her ass, but shes too plump. I love her goofiness but not her irritableness. I love her spine and tickling with my tongue the hair there up there of, but shes a wild unruly spirit and so unappreciative.

Where the hec is a nice lady bundled up all good in one package, where the ruddy hec is the soul mate?

And if there is one, an just suppossin I was to find her here, why is it?

Why is it by the mediocre action of writing schnalligans here do I after some while, run off like scared rabbit, scared stiff of them? This cannot just be, can it, writers block?

Whats wrong with me?

The answers thusfar acquired go like this ....

'What the ruddy hec do you want a cantankerous creature like that for'?

'I don't know, its an inner feeling'

'OK' - 'Why pahhhhh how do you ask questions of such idiot'?

'How the hec am I supposed to know, I thought you were telling me'?

See, now, we're both confused. Give us avoidance anyday.

I love women. They're ripe beauts I can tell ee. Their spirits I want to marry without the schnalligans of their cantankerous sides. Their bodies are beautiful too, much more appealing than the guys equivalent. However, if they were more like men, they would be perfect. And I'd stick pinafore on for any of em.

Bother. Has life come to just this?

Celty

Insomniac

Celtic, it's my theory that the Goddess has made women a puzzlement to you, just as she has made men a puzzlement to me, in order to confound and fascinate us. See, if we figured the other gender out, and if we could find that one individual within whom all things are in harmony (perfect butt, perfect face, perfect soul) we would not keep searching. And when we search, we spread our genes over the earth more liberally, and the human race is ultimately stronger, less inbred, if you will.

Of course, this general sense of befuddlement where it concerns each other has long since served its purpose, and now men and women have these societal expectations of monogamy, at war with their instincts to be fruitful and multiply. The solution, as I see it, is to take a vow of celibacy and cultivate many platonic friendships with those of the other gender. Perhaps in another millenium, we'll have figured each other out, or we will have let our numbers dwindle until there is only one man, and one woman, left on the earth. Who will then begin the whole process all over again, as the latest incarnation of Adam and Eve.

My only question is, what is a schnelligan?

hillary_step

Celtic,

I am beginning to get the impression that all the women moved away from Cornwall, leaving you all alone with several hundred well thumbed magazines and an unrequited ache in the loins. Just a tip, no amount of writing about women and their winsome ways will leave a body shaped lump in the bed. Your eyes may be filled, but you hands are empty.

Catch the train to London. There is a lovely little wine bar opposite Harrods in Beauchamp Street that is frequented by some of London's most talented actresses, including the delectable Diana Rigg. Break out the Canali suit, put on your best poetic stance, make sure that you are not Gone With The Weed, resist the temptation of introducing yourself by saying, "Hello, how are you me ole Balmpot' and who knows, you might just be in the next series of "Prime Suspect", with feminine fan mail spread before you like guilless Sunflowers.

On the other hand, you could just continue posting to JWD in the vain hope that some female may be able to squeeze herself out of your screen and land with a resounding plop on your desk...lol

Best regards - HS

Celtic

HilaryStep me dear. Thats what I like about you.

It's where we might get soap opera lines ideas from.

Cheers for the freebie!!

Love and balmpotishnious.

Celty

Celtic

Btw I've got this Map here with your name on it. You're my lunch.

Cryptic metaphorical joke _ you are supposed to laugh you know.

Out.

Celt

hillary_step

It's where we might get soap opera lines ideas from.

lol...If the cap fits...

Take care Celtic - HS

patio34

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected...

Pat

arrowstar

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

I can believe that....

That most puzzlin' species called Women, or Ladies if you prefer .....

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