Spoke my mind ...

by Vivamus 20 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Vivamus

  Well now, the lesson I learn today is that it feels *good* to speak your mind.

  I entered in a battle of will and principles with a person who has none of those, and I came out feeling victorious. No matter the consequences, no matter the financial loss, self-respect and the moral high ground have been saved for me. Lol.

  I wrote a letter to my dad, and, this morning, I decided to deliver it in person, cuz I am fed up with it all. I need to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of myself, not thinking ?Noor, you are such a chicken for not daring to face him in person?. So I faced him, and I stayed calm, even after he said he only had contact with me because it was the polite thing to do, cuz I had expected that from him.

  In the letter I wrote about how I feel he should stick with his word, and all the promises that have never been kept, are an abomination to me. I told him family is family, and financial gain should never be considered with that. I told him asking something in return for everything he promised, was wrong. I told him it was despicable to ask for ten percent interest for a loan he offered when I was facing financial rock-bottom.

  He read it in front of me, and stated that I needed to get something of my chest, but that he was unable to fix any of it. I made a sarcastic noise and pointed out to him that if he wasn?t the person who needed to fix it, who was? Santa Claus?

  I told him no amount of money can ever buy self respect. And I told him to think about the concept in general, that not everything evolves around money, because honour and loyalty are two concepts which should mean more to him.

  He got angry, and I didn?t. When he got angry and said that his money is his, I simply shook my head, and said it was oh so typical that he should *not* have understood a word I said. I said that my principles are apparently not something his mind could grasp. I told him I had no interest in his money, I told him I wanted something from him that he would never be able to give me ? family.

  Sperm donors don?t make daddy?s per se. It is time I accepted that.
• 

  LittleToe

  Good for you, Viv. It must have taken a lot out of you, but you will be the stronger for it.

  Are you coming to the Fest next week?
• 

  Vivamus

  I don't have enough money for it. And I am *rofl* about that cuz it's so ironic with the conversation with my dad fresh in mind. *lol*

  LT
• 

  LittleToe

  Darn
  Funny, though

  I hope everything else is well with you.
  We need to catch up

  Laters...
• 

  Vivamus

  I am doing just great now, thanx

  -

  Blue Bubblegum Girl
• 

  Golf

  Viv, you know your dad better than I do. Your approach and letter may have shocked him, give him some time to think about it, at least give him that. Maybe, just maybe he may surprise you.

  You took the right and honorable course of action. I hope things work out for all concerned.

  Guest 77
• 

  Maverick

  I am sorry your father chooses to treat you this way. I can't imagine charging my daughter interest. Apparently his money means more than his daughter. If you need a "father figure", I volunteer. I treat my employees with more compassion and respect than this man treats his daughter. And that is his loss! maverick
• 

  Sassy

  I'm sorry for the way your father is treating you Viv. I'm glad you came out feeling good after standing up for yourself. You deserve better than you are being treated.
• 

  Nosferatu

  Wow Vivamus, sounds exactly like my father. He tries to use money to control me. When I told him about my wedding, he said he'd give me $5000 if I waited another year. Before I moved out the first time and was seeing my girlfriend frequently, he told me he was going to charge me $10 everytime he drove me to my jams. He tried to keep me at home with the offer of cheap rent. Personally, I would rather have expensive rent and all my freedom.

  As for the broken promises, there were lots of them. Promises to take me travelling. Any travelling I did when I was a child was with my mother. They were all just promises. Then he gets pissed off when I go to one of the places he promised to take me for years.

  My view on the whole thing with my father is, if he wants to distance himself from me, he'll have to deal with the consequences. He's treated me less than human ever since I started getting independent. I've argued so many times with him. He's the only one who can change himself. He won't change no matter what others tell him. I've just learned to deal with the type of person he is. When I view my parents from the outside looking in, they're not very nice people. I would never associate with them if they weren't my parents. So, if my dad chooses not to associate with me, that's fine. I'm much better off without him trying to complicate my life.
• 

  grows1

  Apparently I am the only one here who differs with you. I agree with your dad. It IS his money.How he chooses to use it is HIS business and his business alone. Where do you get off telling him what he should do with his hard earned dollars???? Don't want to pay him interest-fine go to any bank and get a loan from them. Bet you'll pay more than 10% interest. And I'll also bet they'll be a LOT more demanding in how you keep to your promise to repay them. I charged my youngest son interest to teach him something- NOTHING in life is free. I also set up a payment schedule and demanded payment when payment was due so that I could instill in him the FINANCIAL discipline he would need to make it in a commercial world where your failure to keep your word will cost you money-higher interest. I put ALL of the money in the bank for him. When he finished repaying the money I gave it ALL back, including the interest. He learned valuable lessons about honor, credit and committment. Maybe your father was trying to teach you the same. Regardless of the reasons why he did what he did I back him 100%. You are self centered, selfish and I wouldn't give you a dime if you were my daughter.