Dream Master,
I completely understand your rage and your desire to get even. I had a two year relationship with a woman who is an exJW as myself. She is one of the most intelligent, beautiful and caring people I have ever met. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I knew when I had first met her that she had been molested by her JW father but I didn't know all the details in the beginning. After meeting her mom who is still a JW the complete story unfolded. It made me sick and I gained a better understanding of why this woman had such deep psychological problems. Not only did her father molest her at age 13 he repeatedly raped her and then treated her like she was a piece of dirt. He would make up reasons to barge into the bathroom while while she was taking a bath and stare at her while she tried to hide her self. She feared not only her father but also the elders. Her mother told me that she had caught him lying in bed next to her and confronted him on what he was doing. He denied any wrong doing. The issue was taken to the elders and the first thing the elders told her mom was not to take the information to the authorities. They also blamed her mom for the molesting stating that she was not performing her "wifely dues" and she was simply not sexy enough to keep her husband satisfied. This I heard directly from her mom.
I was enraged. This lady (whom I will not reveal her name) had grown up with absolutely no self esteem and thought she was indeed a piece of dirt. I also found out from her mom that her father also molested her two younger brothers. He was never turned over to the police and is still a ministerial servant in his congregation.
Any time I would try and talk to her about this she would go into a panic attack and end up on the floor hyperventilating. Even though she was very bright and well educated she would revert into a scared little girl any time the subject came up. She had become a heavy drinker and would drink to the point of passing out just so she could sleep every night. I tried very hard to convince her to get some professional help but she refused. Just talking about it brought back terrifying memories that she has tried so hard to block out of her mind.
When all this was going on one of her teachers at school realized that she had seemed to have a drastic personality change and questioned her about it. She felt she could trust this teacher and told her what had been going on for over a year. The teacher immediately contacted the school authorities and the police. A meeting was set up to find the facts of issue and when she was asked about it in front of the police and school authorities she denied it had happened. She did not want her father to be arrested and did not want to go against the elders wishes.
She grew up with a warped sense of sexuality and calls herself a slut. She now has three kids from three different fathers and has pretty much given up on having any kind of self respect. I was able to see past all the things that had happened in her life and see the beautiful person that was inside of her trying to get out. Unfortunately she could not see this in herself. We ended our relationship a little over a year ago and I have not seen her since. I miss her at times and it breaks my heart to know she will probably endure this pain for the rest of her life. She is thirty three years old now but her life ended at thirteen. It is such a waste.
I am not a violent man but I know if I ever meet her father in person I will loose control and give him what he deserves. He got away with destroying the life of someone very special and he was aided by the so called loving earthy organization of god. The pain of molestation does not only last during the act but continues for the rest of their life. It not only effects the one molested but also the lives of anyone that tries to love and understand that person. It makes me want to believe the concept of hell just so those assholes can burn in it. I will never forget her or will I forget what they did to her. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it.
Dave
