by stuckinarut2 23 Replies latest jw experiences
For years my genuine personality had been suppressed. I was always on edge having feelings of frustration - you couldn't do this, that or the other. It was literally doing my head in to such an extent that, at age 21, I was hospitalised with 'anxiety tension state disorder!'
After many years of battling, the 'real me' has now come to the fore.
Today, what you see is what you get, and I like to think it is good.
The simple answer is we feel a lot better on Saturday & Sunday mornings!
The not-so-simple answer is not so simple. Can't help but feel somewhat isolated. Can't help but still have some residual anger (though putting most of it behind). Can't help missing some of the former (conditional) friends. But relieved to now feel convinced that it is all fairy tales -- NO Panda Petting Paradise -- NO escape from death -- etc
STUCKINARUT- Great thread, thanks for posting - and thanks for asking !
Like Desirous of Change and his wife- I feel a whole lot better on Saturday & Sunday mornings these last 15 years that I've been out of the JW cult. I have a lot more time to pursue interests and hobbies like writing songs, playing guitar, Mrs. Flipper and I have a great kick ass vegetable garden growing, about 1200 sq.ft garden with tomatoes, squash, potatoes, blueberries, raspberries, peppers, basil, green beans, peach tree, artichokes, plum tree, and pear tree. Plus lots of cool flowers and herbs. We really enjoy it.
As a person I've grown in that I have a much better sense of self now. My self esteem has risen very much since not being browbeaten with how " sinful " I'm supposed to feel all the time ! lol. I actually don't ever have any feelings of guilt anymore and I've lost quite a bit of the fear I used to have as a JW. Nothing much scares me anymore. I can stand up to anybody at any level and show respect , and if I don't get that back in return, well- that's THEIR problem not mine.
I don't waste my time on fruitless relationships anymore that bring psychological vampires into my life who only have selfish interests at heart and not my interests at heart. The quality of my friendships has blossomed and the true friends I have now- they know that I care as much about them as they do for me. I never had those equal types of friendships in the JW cult, friendships were always conditional on me performing WT functions. When we stop doing WT functions, we lose all the fake friends we had ! lol.
Life is a beautiful journey, and I've learned to stop and smell every rose along the way while on that journey ! HI have a lovely wife, a fantastic son & daughter in law that I'm close to , and life is wonderful in the big picture. Of course I miss my JW daughters and it hurts they shun me and are still in the cult, but hope burns eternal that it will change someday. Take care, Peace out. Mr. Flipper
I try to avoid seeing people as faceless crowds. People are individuals and even in a group, family, work department, neighbourhood, race, they're all different. This took quite a while. I hope I've left black and white thinking behind, life is full of grey areas, nothing is simple.
I've stopped regretting my JW upbringing because there are so many reasons people live lives of poverty, lacking education. Often it's simply the country they're born in. So many reasons for life to be hard, being born into a cult is just one of them. I see it anthropologically, humans invent gods and religion to try and explain reality. Eventually these will fade away and I think history will show that sadly we were born at the tail end of that era but not quite out of it.
I've progressed physically and not just ideologically. I got a distance learning degree, a job, a little house and I'm enjoying travelling, seeing the world.
