You are courageous. Thanks for posting your story - the more we bring it out into the open the better. My experience wasn't as bad as yours, but I do understand some of the things you said. At 25, I ended up getting very, very angry at him and threatening to kill him by bashing his head in - I hadn't even realised I was so angry until that day. As a child you cannot stand up to the big adult, but I guess it must happen a lot that as soon as the child becomes an adult they start to fight back. The difficulty then is how to stop violence being part of your life now.
(((Gespro))) thanks for the links; i'm going to look at them now,I still look for books to read,it sometimes takes time to find an author you're comfortble with i'm glad you have and i'm really pleased your wife took the time to help you.Hope you're doing well.
(((Galaxy 7, you sound so sad ))) but positive about the future, which is a great start.Perhaps a look at Gespros links would set you on your way...
(((Ang)))
(((SunshineToo))) It's ok! im fine,I'm sorry if i've brought anyone down, just thought that sometimes we feel frightened of challenging our parents etc about their behaviour because of who they are;but in reality we hold the power.thankyou.
(((Dede)))) you're right, everything we've suffered has made us who we are, I mean, look at all of us here...most of us have been through alot and come out fighting, we're a pretty formidable bunch, ar'nt we? I've read all your posts through the years and all you've been through has come out as love for others.I sometimes I feel like i'm going under- but I think you're right that a difficult upbringing does make you very determined and, when you compare things that happen now to the worst times in your life, you know in reality you won't crumble easily.Thanks for the hugs,i'll collect them in person one dayi've always been very tactile to people I consider safe-there's an advert for fests the atmosphere at fests; I get hug therapy !
(((sirona))) to have to go through so much that you wanted to hurt him when you were angry and older is probably a natural reaction considering all he must have done to make you that cross.I used to fight back sometimes from a young age-but as I got older it changed.... watching him loose it with me and remaining impassive meant more injuries-but a strong sense of warped satisfaction for me. So, the way I deal with anger is to switch off from people who hurt me..It dos'nt mean I won't let them back in , in fact i'll forgive most people practically anything; alot of people I know who've been through these kind of experiences are really forgiving.Perhaps we were told we were unlovable and feel useless and we want to prove we're worth something I think people go one of two ways when they go through tough times-I just really want to look after people, my anger's just not welcome,it makes me feel bad, and after everything thats happened I just want to be happy.
