THE TWO COW THEORY
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. Then you covet it.|
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his.
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage, which ultimately blows up the cows.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2 nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised ! when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don?t know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.! You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10 th , 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
A POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls. Several people are killed while attempting to milk them.
A FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can?t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you! which is the best looking one.
A NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
You have two cows. Your Lord takes some of the milk.
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all of the milk.
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
You have two cows. You borrow 80% of the forward value of the two cows from your bank, then buy another cow with 5% down and the rest financed by the seller on a note callable if your market cap goes below $20B at a rate 2 times prime. You now sell three cows to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at a 2 nd bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more and this transaction process is upheld by your independent auditor and no balance sheet provided with the press release that announces that Enron as a major owner of cows will begin trading cows via the internet site COW (Cows on Web.) I am sure you now fully understand what happens.