WOE TO THOSE WHO STUMBLE THE LEAST OF THESE
"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"
[Note: This is a sickening story, and goes to the heart of why many youth among JWs end up leaving their religion. The long term harm is not possible to measure. Finally, it shows how seriously flawed the Watch Tower teachings and policies are with respect to parenting, and how they override the normal and healthful actions of everyday good parents.]
I received a call from a close friend. He told me that his 14 year old son was facing a Judicial Committee. He called because the Elders also wanted to talk to me as part of their investigation. Why?
The brother's other younger son and my youngest son, ages 5 and 6 had been counseled by the brother and myself because they had engaged in some wrong suggestions. They had actually done nothing because we stopped them before anything happened. The event had taken place a few months earlier, and we as parents felt that our counseling of the boys and a period of separation was adequate to deal with it.
The next evening I approached one of the Elders about this and wanted to know what their concern was. Since I was serving as an Elder, they were quite open with me.
It seems the 14 year old boy had been caught engaged in an act that is common to boys his age. He was also in the company of another unbaptized boy. The unbaptized fellow was also being raised as a JW. They were not doing anything with each other, but let's say they were gazing at the some forbidden literature that contains pictures young boys entering puberty would find fascinating. Let's also say that these pictures were enabling them to fantasize while they stimulated themselves.
The Elders were concerned because the 5 year old younger brother had suggested to my son, while staying the night, that they try this particular self-induced stimulation. My youngest son did not know what he was talking about. Nevertheless the Elders felt that I and the other brother should have brought our 5 and 6 year old sons to them rather than counseling them ourselves.
I disagreed because the matter was not serious. Nothing really happened. And such young boys, not being baptized, surely only needed the counsel of their dads. [I was always a little bit of a Maverick in this respect.]
The Elders took a different view. They felt that because two sons in the same family, the 14 year old and the 5 year old exhibited the same tendency toward things of a sexual nature, and because they also learned that the oldest son, about 19 years old at the time, had also engaged in the same type of self stimulation sometime earlier, that the whole family had a problem. [A bunch of masturbaters!] They were also concerned because now one of their sons (the 5 years old) was now trying to spread his thinking to my son. They saw this family as having a bad influence.
The Elders felt that ‘had they known about the situation of our youngest sons’ they may have been able to prevent the 14 year old son from engaging in self-stimulation. [Choke, cough, errr -not] As it was, he was seen in serious trouble, not just because of self-stimulation, and use of fascinating photographs, but the other boy his age was also influenced to try the same thing.
The Elders dropped the matter with my son, but with the strong warning that in the future if I learn of boys who have been stimulating themselves, then the congregation should know about it. (Meaning report it to the Elders to determine if congregation action is needed [in cases of masturbation?]).
When the 14 year old boy faced the committee, he did not show the usual signs of repentance. The Elders he faced were each at least 3 times the boy's age, all in their mid-40s. They could not get him to admit that what he did was all that serious, and he did not display the type of emotional reaction that would show he was truly sorry[as might an adult]. He agreed that he sinned, but he could not assure the Elders that he would NEVER stimulate himself ever again.
He was scared. He did not understand that the Elders were simply looking for a commitment that he be resolved to avoid this self-stimulation conduct again. He thought they meant that he guarantee that he never again do this for his entire life. He felt that such a promise might not always be kept.
It was Tuesday night and the congregation was gathering in as the TM School was about to start. The chairman of the Judicial Committee came up to me and asked to talk in the back room. He asked if I could make an announcement at the start of the Service Meeting. I agreed and he handed me a letter.
I read it, and saw that it was a signed letter by the Judicial Committee notifying the congregation that the 14 year old boy is now disfellowshipped. I asked why they wanted me to read it since I was not actually on that committee. He said the Elders who were on the committee felt ill about the decision they had to make, and did not want to read the letter.
I inquired if they uncovered other conduct besides self-stimulation, that warranted disfellowshipping. They said no, but that the boy's lack of comprehension of his act led to the decision. I did not have to ask because I already knew from talking with the dad, but I wanted to hear the Elder confirm it. I went ahead and read the announcement. The 14 year boy had just been baptized 5 months earlier. He was putting in Pioneer hours waiting to be appointed to Regular Pioneer.
He and his parents met with the Elders two or three times each year after this, for a couple of years. The boy went to all the meetings with his parents. He avoided all 'worldly’ friends to show he was ‘no part of the world.’ He accepted being shunned by his JW friends to show his repentance [in other words, no friends at all for a young teenager!!!]. He studied the Watchtower magazine and prepared for book study. He sat in quietly on the family study.
Each subsequent meeting with the Elders was the same. They just did not see where the boy fully understood his wrong conduct. They felt he needed more time. A few months would go by and they would meet again. Each time the Elders were not convinced just yet. He needed just a little more time.
Eventually, 7 years elapsed. The boy went without friends, and had kept up the same effort to be reinstated. He finally gave up trying. At age 21 he not only lost faith in the Watch Tower religion, but also lost faith in God and abandoned his family. He got married to a non-JW girl. His parents were crushed that they lost their son to the "world." They briefly went through a period of questioning the Elders, but decided to stick by Jehovah's organization, even though they could not understand themselves what the Elders were looking for.
Three boys in a family all being aware of or engaging in self-stimulation was too much for the Elders. They felt that this was a serious trend in one family and surely indicated some serious spiritual flaw.
The Watchtower magazine warned about this conduct as far back as 1973 and before. They warned of the serious dangers and now see this young boy had become another casualty in the war against masturbation. [later on, on H20, Farkel posted a most humorous copy of that article accompanied by his sparkling comments. LOL It is a must read for any of you who have come to understand the sexual frustrations JWs go through.]Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.!
Supplemental comments not in the first post to H20: Since I first wrote this article, the younger brother of this boy, the one who had some sex talk with my son, also left the organization. He called my sons recently and said that he was out of the JWs. His older sister also left the organization. The oldest son left his wife and married another JW girl. He is still a JW.
Because near the end of my association with the JWs, I loudly protested this issue, especially with the parents, they became very appreciative of me. And this strengthened our friendship. They were among the good friends who stuck by us after we walked away from the organization. Eventually, however, they chose to shun me a few months after it was announced that I was DA’d. On occasion, they will call my oldest daughter to see how things are. But I no longer hear from them, nor do they ever send any greeting. A few others send greetings anyway.
Summary The sadness in this story is how a young man went 7 years without friends. How Elders expected the impossible of him, such that he lost faith. This harm to his normal socialization and adjustment during youth will likely follow him the rest of his life. If I get a chance, I will give him my apology for even reading his DF letter. I hope that he has adjusted well for his sake. – Amazing