Mr. Microphone Hand-el-er...

by Funchback 7 Replies latest social humour

  • Funchback

    Reeeal mennn of geniUSSSS....

    Here's to you, Mr. Microphone Hand-el-er (Mister Microphone Hannnd-el-ER...)

    You accepted this assignment at the age of 12 to show the congregation that you were reaching out (You want to be a SerVANT...)

    And now at the age of 34 you are the best damn mich handler in the circuit (Fastest in the cir-uh-cuit...)

    From the left hand to the right hand and back to the left, and with the speed of a gazelle, you always arrive to the person before Mr. Watchtower-Study-Conductor calls out the name (There before the name gets called...)

    Sure, people are gossiping about what's holding you back from being a servant, but you still go out there on any given Sunday and prove to the happiest people on earth that YOU are a Real Man of Genius!

    Mr. Microphone Hand-el-ERRRrrrrrr...

  • SYN

    Here is some more about people handling microphones:

    Microphone "Handling"

  • Funchback

    Thanks for the assist, SYN!

  • maxwell

    LOL, that brings back memories. I would try to be fast and be at the person before the name was called. It wasn't really that hard usually. You just follow the conductor's eyes. But sometimes you'd get someone who would look in one direction and call on someone they had seen in another direction. Then sometimes only one person would raise their hand so of course, you'd start heading in that person's direction. I would also make a point of looking up and down the rows of the side of the hall where I was standing and noting who was sitting were, especially the people who commented a lot, in order to lessen the chance that I couldn't find someone when the conductor called their name.

    I looked a few posts on the other thread. I handled the mike at halls that had poles and at halls that had just the mike which you passed down the row. And yes when we had the polls there were always those who would grab it. But generally if I had to reach and extend a bit with the pole, I would be happy to let the person hold part of the weight. The last hall I attended had some wireless mikes. That was nice. No cords to trip over.

  • undercover

    This is from the thread linked to above:

    When I was still Assimilated (i.e. still in the BORG, but wanting out every second of that time), there was so much emphasis put on microphone handling that it was almost unreal. It was almost as if the microphones on their long poles were some sort of spiritual conductor that could electrocute you with God's spirit and lead you to become a Ministerial Servant or an Elder. Hey, that sounds exactly like the process that you use to become Annointed! Whodathunkit?

    So true. We had meetings on how to hold the mics, how to carry the mics, how far the mic was to be from the mouth, etc.

    I remember when we were using the long poles with mics on the end we weren't supposed to let the friends grap it, we were the handlers not them. But of course everybody wanted to hold the mic themselves and hold it too close to their mouth. I remember one sister always fought me over the mic. I had to keep pulling it away from her and she would pull just that much harder. So, one day I was just tired of the whole thing, when she got called on and she saw it was me handling the mic she grabbed it hard and jerked. I let her have complete control. She knocked the mic right into her mouth with a big loud teeth clink for all to hear. It was great.

  • Sassy

    These are really good Funchback. I've been enjoying them! Thank you!

  • Badger

    I have to add:

    ...You just know where to hold it...close for the whisperers, back for the shouters (Can you HEAR me?)

  • shotgun

    I remember all too well the day I fell asleep and dropped the Mike....

    And every time the P.O changed so did the rules...teenagers in good standing no problem, then you had to be an adult brother in good standing, then you had to be an MS or an Elder to handle mikes.

    New P.O rules change again. Same thing for reading the WT, brothers in good standing were ok then you had to be an MS or an elder.

    Go to a different congregation and the rules were different.

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