The Path: an erea where the human will very likely need to go, and so, absolutely must be occupied by cat body.
Cat Dictionary: Contributions Necessary
by Stephanus 51 Replies latest jw friends
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asleif_dufansdottir
gravity game - favorite game of certain (black, naughty) cats, in which one gets up on the table or counter, makes sure the human is watching, and shoves fragile items off onto the (ceramic tile) floor (be sure to peer inquisitively over the edge to see what happens when it hits the floor)...extra points are given if item lands on other cat, frightening it...this is especially effective in cases in which human has resisted sharing their piece of chicken with the cat...giving them "the flat lidded stare (tm)" in response to post-gravity-game scoldings is especially effective in this case
aerial bombardment - a method employed by intelligent cats to get their humans out of bed in the morning...to wit: hop to the top of the double bookcase waterbed headboard...start playing the gravity game (see above) by shoving all items in reach off onto the sleeping humans' heads (some items will need to be moved along the headboard until they will hit the human's head when they fall)...if this does not work, the cat should jump off the headboard onto the human's prone body...extra points (and rapid reaction) given if cat lands on the human's full bladder (being careful to immediately retreat to the top of the headboard). Stare balefully at human as they swat at you in groggy frustration (the headboard being taller than the length of a human arm) until they give up and get up to feed you.
Mow wow? - Mommy? (yes, he really 'speaks' in syllables)
Mow wow...wow??? - Mommy...lost? (ie-"the lights are turned off and it's dark and I can't find you"...or "you were sitting right here when I went to sleep and now I woke up from my nap and you're gone - where are you?")
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dustyb
Leather Coat - Something the cat decides to claw on because it feels the need to ruin your favorite coat
Dangly thing in between mens legs after you jump out of the shower - a swinging thing that the cat MUST kill
Hamburger from McDonalds - Something the cat must walk on right after it takes a shit in its litter box
Closet - some place where the master will least expect a huge pile of crap
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UpAndAtom
Bowl Check - Perform as often as possible.
Bowl Stare - Stare at bowl intently in an attempt to will the food into existance from thin air. Keep watching for sudden signs of movement in case food magically appears from nowhere. Possible cat prayer said at this point.
Bowl Look - The look you give a human, when staring at the bowl achieves nothing.
Bowl Dissapointment - The look that results from being ignored by staff.... *cough* human.
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Satans little helper
is it me or are there alot of people who don't have cat flaps to let their cats out to crap?
Next door neighbours flower bed - The best place to take a crap and dig up afterwards. This will lead to master feeling intense pride that his kittens are clever enough not to shit in their own back yard
laminated wooden floor - The most amazing place to play a game of 'bat the mouse' that you have so lovingly just brought into the house (still alive) and dropped at the feet of mummy.
Claw - Just what daddy wants gently pressed into his top lip at 7am on weekends to remind him that he usually feeds you at this time on weekdays
Human private parts - something that just must be sniffed while either parent is dressing for work
Mating humans - a spectacle that should be intensely scrutinised from the edge of the bed followed by somewhat offputting disinterested yawning or even more offputting sniffing
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Sentinel
CIRCUS CAT: Identified by mid-air leaps, and total body flips. Trained to lay down and show belly when I pat the floor.
AIRBORNE CAT: Cat believes it can lean much too far over an upstairs landing. (both our cats have fallen this way and landed really hard--NOT on their feet.)
BINGE AND PURGE CAT: Cat simply does not know when to stop eating food from the automatic dispensor, then comes upstairs and pukes on the carpet.
CARPET CAT: Cat tries to mutate into carpet on stairs and believes itself to be totally hidden; whereupon cat will NOT move, even when stepped on.
TIME-OUT CAT: A cat that sits and stares at a wall for hours. (This is the same cat that fell from the second floor to the first on her head when she was younger.)
DRAWER CAT: Plops down in any open drawer found. If not closed fully, will also fully pull open before laying down.
IMMODEST CAT: Absolutely MUST poop or pee at the same time I am trying to clean the litter box.
SQUEAKER CAT: This adult feline does not Meow, she mews ever so softly.
SILENT CAT: Older cat did not know how to make any cat sounds until we got second cat a year later. Now she does the full range of growl, hiss and meow, depending upon her mood.
JEALOUS CAT: Will fight for best position on sofa, chair or bed, even if we happen to be there also.
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Stephanus
absolute alarm: the cat will leap back, over or sideways from an object that it has passed the same way time after time before.
SETI: why humans are trying so hard to find aliens when they've got cats is difficult to understand...
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got my forty homey?
Cats are the psycotic creatures of nature. Climb up on the stove and steal a piece of chicken, not a problem. Lick off all the dirty dishes and forks, its my right. Sleep in the bed with you and let you roll on top of them , and then they stay there!
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Stephanus
dog: (depends heavily on the cat, the dog, and the circumstances) 1. An evil beast that terrorises innocent pussy cats 2. a not so scarey beast that approaches the cat barking and departs equally rapidly, yelping with a bleeding nose 3. a useful headrest, and competitor for cat's owner's affection
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GentlyFeral
Mouse- The Ultimate Gift to be presented to your human caretaker. It is even more of an honor if you can present them with HALF a mouse.
Lizard/Snake- If you want to see your human caretaker do a little dance of joy, and make shrill sounds of appreciation, be sure and opt for the Lizard/Snake instead of the mouse.
Shoes: Human artifacts which serve as storage receptacles for your next gift of honor; see Mouse, Lizard/Snake.
Housefly: an edible moving target.
Cantaloupe: a juicy, fleshy plant substance which some Feline-Americans prize as a catnip substitute. Must be wrested from the hands of unappreciative humans. They don't deserve it anyway. If cantaloupe does it for you, take it all!
GentlyFeral
workin' from memory, here