by Nosferatu 24 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
I've been contemplating this for a number of years now. When I have kids, would I let my mother babysit them knowing how she treated me as a child? Has she changed?
With all the JW stuff aside (even though I wouldn't want her to take my kids to meetings), would you (who were physically abused) let your parents look after your children?
Would you leave your kids with your abusive parents?
No.
Meet my parents.
No, I don't think people really change so much as they get older. Sure, we all evolve to a certain extent, but we remain the same basic person. Someone who was so fundamentally defective as to harm a child is not to be trusted with the next generation, in my opinion.
However, some survivors of child abuse have felt somewhat comfortable letting the grandparents see the kids while they (the parents) are present. Ultimately, you know them better than anyone, so trust your gut reaction.
My father never even met my girls and that was just the way I wanted it. I also warned everyone in the family about him.
My girls were around my mother but I was a stay at home mom and she worked. I took care of her kids.
And she has only seen my grand-daughter 2 or 3 times because she shuns my girls too
Nos, I am having some recollection of days gone by.
My parents, more often than not, would play the 'Home Alone' game.
I was the eldest of five boys, and even though I was young, I was more or less given the duty as babysitter. Of course, ill equipped and with zero training, I had to look after my ratpack of younger destructive baby brothers.
I think a good natured baby sitter, with some experience, could do better than an abusive (or previously known to be) parent.
They didn't do so great with us, why allow them to perpetuate the same. Ugh!
Big Tex. Is that picture for real. It is very spooky.
Would you leave your kids with your abusive parents?
Would you leave your kids with Michael Jackson?
Is this a trick qustion? No, seriously, on the JW front, our parents have strict rules to follow regarding what not to do or say when they get the kids for a visit. They may not discuss our status,or tell the children that things we do (such as R rated movies or letting them play with guns now, or celebrating stuff ) are wrong. They may not pray for the children to "return to the meetings as Jehovah wants them to" etc........ These things have been done on previous visits and they have been warned that continuing to do so will result in NO visits at all. They also tried fishing for information on us which was NIPPED immediately!!! And they haven't tried that again. BUT had there been ANY serious abuse in the past, like when we were growing up, then NO FRIGGIN WAY!!!! They don't change . As a matter of fact you also have to add their age and impatience and irritability to the equasion. As adults get older, they're more grumpy, curt, and irritable. Our parents have instructions that they are NOT to raise their voices to the children , threaten them with punishment, or spank them.
and that's my two and a half cents!!!!!!!
There are some excellent points being made here, and I'm happy to get opinions from all you parents here who have had to endure what I did as a child.
There are a lot of reasons for bringing this question up.
First, my mother quit beating me in my early teens. This caused me to ask myself, "Has she changed?".
Second, everytime me and my mother get into a conversation about my childhood, the abuse issue does arise. She told me that she may have been a little strict in the beginning, but she learned what she was doing was wrong and she changed her ways.
Third, when I was with my ex, we discussed our parents being grandparents. She said that she doubts my mother would ever do something like that to her grandchildren.
Fourth, which is most recent, me and my current fiance were discussing our parents being grandparents. She mentioned that we could leave our kids with my parents for a week while we go on holidays. I began stating my dislike to that idea when she told me that she couldn't do it with her parents; her mother doesn't like children.
This is all very difficult to deal with. My gut reaction is NEVER leave my kids unattended with my mother, but everyone seems to be putting doubts in my mind about my mother's "problem". But the pain from my own childhood is still there, as are the memories of my mother's reactions to other children with "behavior problems".
Boy....that's a tough question Nos. Has your mother changed?
I would talk to those who deal with this very subject and find out if people change who have problems such as that. Avishai deal with this I think in his work....you might PM him if he doesn't see this.
The problem is.....how would you know if your mom has changed? She quit beating you because you probably got old enough and big enough to knock her on her ass is she kept it up, and that's not stopping abuse......it just wasn't a task she could perform anymore. Who knows what the circumstances will be when you have kids old enough to stay with her. Maybe Armageddon will be here by then
Wait till you have kids.....then cross that bridge.
Gumby
My gut reaction is NEVER leave my kids unattended with my mother, but everyone seems to be putting doubts in my mind
Follow your instincts.
