Thank you for the warm welcome everyone!
Hi Maggie! So glad to 'see' you! Can you believe all the broken hearts out there? It's just unimaginable to me.....it makes my heart ache . The only bright spot in it all - our Father is right now wiping away tears and healing hearts. He hears our prayers - and the faith I now have in His love for us through His Son is what keeps me looking up.
I know what you mean about 'trying to convince people of something' for too long. I talked a good talk, too, and am ashamed of the self-righteous, I've-got-all-the-answers, 'you're blinded to the truth' attitude I once displayed. I always thought I had a humble attitude, but I didn't - I learned what the word meant when the 'truth about the troof' humbled me right down to the dirt..... All of my DH's family[never-JW] took the announcement of my 'fade' with relief, and a slight undertone of 'Told-ya-so'. Got a big hug and tears from one SIL - she had a JW aunt, uncle and cousins. The religion caused a huge rift and bad memories in their family.
So, in essence, I told my family, "I thought I knew all the answers, but guess what? I just learned that everything I was so sure of is absolutely wrong! I had it just bass-ackwards! I must be really stupid, blind, ignorant, thick-headed, gullible, a sucker; I'm so confused I think my brain's gonna exlpode!" Do you think anyone would even half-heartedly listen to me now, when I say, "O.K., I've been doing a lot of studying, and now I've got it straight....yadayada..." I can still see it in their eyes - suspicion of me having a lingering mental illness! I can't blame them - LOL! My wonderful DH loves me and supports me unconditionally - truly held me up through the worst of it, even tho' he really didn't get the import of it all - just knew how it was hurting me to the core.... He is a true-blue 'Good Guy'!
I am far removed from any JW friends. I live 'in the boonies', off the beaten path of their travels, evidently. Only ones who stop are the BS conductor, with mags and KMs; and the PO's wife, who happens to be the one who brought me into 'the troof'. I have only talked with her about the lack of love in our congregation. She said 'they don't know how to be real friends.' Hhmmm... If someone did happen to stop for a 'chat', and something did come up in conversation, it would be terribly hard for me to hold it in - I'm afraid it would come spewing out like a perpetual fountain! But I'm afraid my closest so-called-friends have been warned off, as I'm spiritually weak and bad association for not attending meetings..... If I had relatives or parents 'in', I would try, with lots of love and patience to reason with them on something documented, like the NGO thing, the child abuse cover-ups, the switcheroos on the blood, organ transplant, and shunning policies. Then I would get into how and when Christ was replaced as mediator to all mankind by the F&DS...... that really burns me... and I didn't even know it was happening when it was going on - I just numbly agreed with everything presented in the literature, without thinking about the implications..... which is the definition of being a good JW... I may be a little late, but I'm here to say, "THAT AIN"T RIGHT!"
I don't feel I'm called to be a 'denouncer'; there are plenty already and they're doing what they feel they need to do. And that's fine - somebody has to do it! It's just not my personality, you know, to call everyone with the latest bad news. They'll find out the way I did - out of curiosity and in defense of, and with love for, real truth. I feel it has to be an individual journey of discovery that is between one broken heart and God alone. I guess, because this mess was such a devastating crisis for me - a basket case for months - I don't want to be the cause for someone elses 'ship-wreck'. Maybe I'm wrong... I don't know, but .....I feel that my gifts are in comforting, encouraging, empathising with them and loving them - wherever they are on their personal walks.... I know that they are fearful, as I once was, because they[the org.] have made Jehovah into a fearsome, vengeful, killing machine that loves you but will annihilate you for a wrong thought.[How sick!] The harder you work to prove your love to Him, the more certain you are that you are unworthy of 'maybe' being saved at the big A. How that contrasts with the free gift of salvation by grace, from a loving God who wants no one to perish! Hallelujah! Anyway - I'm assured that truth and error will continue to be revealed - revelation after revelation. Side note - I believe the WT will crumble along with all other religious institutions, [organizations, corporations] in the near future - all symbolism removed - hearts exposed....
Philia - Peace and Love through Christ, peacebaby
