edited to protect someone's privacy
On a child, by a child, WTF do I do?
by Satans little helper 10 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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Sassy
in my opinion, there isn't a lot you can do except be there for her. If she isn't ready to do anything about it, you dont' want to tip the scales by talking to him or he might lash out in anger denying it and then yell at her for saying anything. That would not be a healthy thing for her. If you could encourage her for therapy that might be helpful, but she has to be ready for it.
I was abused by a friend of my dads and I didn't tell anyone until the day he died, then I told my mom. That was 20 yrs after it happened. My dad still doesn't know.
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Valis
Hmmm...I would say depending on the age of both maybe you can point out to her that it may have happened to him before it happened to her. I know how that works, because this happened to me at an early age. I've never confronted my abusers as they were only young girls caught in a long cycle of familial abuse. This might assuage some of her feelings about the whole thing. Rough spot for you indeed slh...maybe you could tell him he needs to apologize to her, FOR HER SAKE, and if he refuses then punch him! eheh...best of luck and do let us know how she's doing.
Sincerely,
District Overbeer
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Lady Lee
Why not suggest she read a book. In fact see if you can find one and give it to her. A couple of excellent ones for someone to start with are:
- Strong At The Broken Places Linda T. Sanford
- Toxic Parents By Susan Forward
And let her know she could call her local sexual assault centre and talk over the phone (numbers are usually in the front of the phone book)
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Sassy
That is a good idea Lady Lee!
While I do agree with Vallis that he needs to apologise, I worry more than he won't and instead lash out at her. That would only make the situation worse, plus she might close the door to future honesty to you regarding opening up with private information. I think the fact she shared with you is probably a step in the direction of wanting to start healing. Sometimes baby steps are needed..
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Valis
One would think that unless he did it on purpose he would want to apologize. Otherwise he would have people looking at him like he was a child molester. Maybe he doesn't even know how she feels, and as they are a fair piece apart this might make it easier for both of them. Just a thought, but ya just being there for her is a good one on you slh.
Sincerely,
District Overbeer
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Sassy
my ex tried to have sex with my sister when she was 14. I didn't find out about it until we divorce and even then my sister refused to talk about it to anyone in depth. He denied it and swore she was lying.. The elders wouldn't hear of it because there were not two witnesses and besides my sister was dfd and also refused to talk to them about it if they even wanted to.. so my talking to him only made the situation worse.. fortunately though by now she had a boyfriend who would have taken care of him had he tried to come near her so tramatically he didn't try to get to her. But he sure did not apologize..
I think sometimes people who do those horrible things IF they find a conscience later in life block it out because to admit it even to themselves might be too much..
that wasn't my ex's problem though.. he was just an a$$
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avishai
Report it. My bro's molester was a "minor" but, like 15-17. My bro was 4. He went on to molest tons more kids. Report it. If he was a whole lot older.
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Sassy
I reported my ex husband when I found out. I was told there was a statute of limitations. too many years had gone by
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Satans little helper
thanks for your suggestions. I've edited my original post because anyone who knows me would be able to work out who I am talking about and I wouldn't want that. I'll contact some of you by PM