Observations From an Ex-Elder Part 3 - Searching for the Lost Sheep

by doubtfull1799 41 Replies latest jw experiences

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  doubtfull1799

  "What man among you with 100 sheep, on losing one of them, will not leave the 99 behind in the wilderness and go after the lost one until he finds it?" - Luke 15:4

  Disclaimer: By posting the following observations I am not complaining. I am happy to be left alone. I am happy not to be subject to re-indoctgrination attempts. They are just observations about the true application of scripture vss the lip service they give them.

  This week is our Circuit Overseer's visit, and I just realised that this is now the second visit since the one I resigned at. How time flies. It's just hit me that given the two intervening visits, it must be about 12 months since I've been to a meeting.

  I kind of expected I would receive a shepherding visit during the last visit but that never happened. So I thought surely this time they would bring the CO round to see me, especially considering my history with the org and that I was not so long ago one of their colleagues. But no, it appears they have no interest or desire to shepherd me with the CO. Of course I do not know if I have been discussed or not and what their reasons are. I can only guess that they feel there is no point as they have nothing to "offer" me that might help or change the situation in their favour. Heaven forbid they call just to see how I am?

  As I may have previously mentioned there is one elder on the body that has made some attempts to message me and meet me for coffee and a social chat. And he was willing totally to me about any spiritual matters too. However none of the other 6 elders has even sent me so much as a text message, let alone communicate with me in any other way, such as call me or try to arrange a visit. They seem to think its MY responsibility to get in touch with them if I want help or social contact despite what Jesus said in the above quoted verse.

  Surely I am the lost sheep in their eyes? Surely they should be seeking me out?

  Their lack of effort in this regard is appalling to me and I believe it shows their true colours. That they are more concerned with, and too busy with, the 99 other sheep who remain in the fold to worry about "difficult" lost sheep like me! When I was still an elder, one of my friends in another congregation had a son that was leaving the truth, turning to evolution etc and on their request I was happy to meet with him every week for hours to discuss and debate with him evolution/creation and many other topics. I did not view him as "lost" or the "enemy" - I loved him, and I was happy to listen to and respect his point of view even though I argued opposite views. Would be nice to have the same consideration given to me and to be treated with the same dignity by all my ex-colleagues, not just one....
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  millie210

  I think you deserve the consideration of lots of follow up to "try to help you" even though I know you dont really want or need that.

  Problem is, theyve got nothing.

  They dont have any resources for helping people who have walked away.

  I spent 40 years within and am now "without", gladly and by choice (what they would call inactive not DFd).

  The most effort extended on my behalf has been by the lowly ones in the Kingdom Hall. And their attempts are woefully trite and composed of little one liners from the Org and emotional thoughts of their own.

  Thats it.

  As for Elders and C.O.s, they act stern as though I am a traitor (perhaps I am but how do they know that without asking?)

  They also act a little afraid which is somewhat amusing.

  Nice reading your thoughts on your own experience. I imagine many of us here can relate so very much to your words.
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  wozza

  I used to take that scripture seriously when I was a ministerial servant and help as many as possible in our congregation - the end of it was that the Elders warned me not to usurp their headship in this matter , I explained that I enjoyed helping my brothers and sisters in need - another warning,

  I was risking my "privileges" so I said that at least I was fulfilling the bibles commands and that they were not doing any more than they had to, as a body . Basically you are an odd ball if you do the right thing - I gave my up priveledges not long after and my wife left me with two kids to raise.

  No CO visits or elders ,I'd sit near the front of the Hall so people could'nt see my tears.
  
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  no-zombie

  hi doubtfull,

  Unfortunately I was in a similar situation as yourself and I totally get where you are coming from. In my case, I was in the same congregation for over 40 years and a MS and Elder much of that time. But my wife became chronically ill with clinical depression (suicidal actually) and it became all to much. So I stepped down and we moved congregation to become closer to my family for some support. Since that time (and many, many years have past) no-one from the body or the congregation has called to see how we were going. My wife could have killed herself or anything. You know after all the time and effort I had done for the congregation and with the body of Elders (and I was doing more than most) ... not one call. That hurt and still does. There is no Brotherhood ... its just a lie ... and I recon that i'm probably get more genuine love from the checkout girl at our local supermarket that from all those ones I've known for most of my life.
  

  no-zombie
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  doubtfull1799

  Incredible isn't it wozza that you should be discouraged from "helping" people!
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  doubtfull1799

  Thats very sad no-zombie. Thanks for sharing your story. It does seem that the so-called "brotherhood" is very flimsy when put to the test. There are always the exceptional people that will act like true brothers, the ones Proverbs talks about that are borne for times of distress, but they don't seem to be any more prevalent in the congregation than they are in the general population... It's nice that we could enjoy the brotherhood on a superficial level (always have something in common with people no matter where we went in the world), but on a deeper level, that brotherhood disintigrates.
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  doubtfull1799

  I think you're right millie210. There is an element of fear, and in the end they have no real answers, nothing to give.
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  scratchme1010

  Their lack of effort in this regard is appalling to me and I believe it shows their true colours. That they are more concerned with, and too busy with, the 99 other sheep who remain in the fold to worry about "difficult" lost sheep like me! When I was still an elder, one of my friends in another congregation had a son that was leaving the truth, turning to evolution etc and on their request I was happy to meet with him every week for hours to discuss and debate with him evolution/creation and many other topics. I did not view him as "lost" or the "enemy" - I loved him, and I was happy to listen to and respect his point of view even though I argued opposite views. Would be nice to have the same consideration given to me and to be treated with the same dignity by all my ex-colleagues, not just one....
  

  doubtfull1799 and no-zombie, as I read your stories, something occurred to me. If you see at the history of this forum, and if you look at the amount of posts about the following things:

  1. Not a lot of house to house preaching
  2. Current preachers are slackers, with little interest in making a real effort in engaging people in their conversations
  3. Changes in doctrine that are too obvious to ignore
  4. People leaving for all kinds of reasons
  5. Women, LGBT people, single parents, people with a spouse who isn't a JW, and all those people who used to be unpopular in congregations seem fed up and taking a stand against the WT views on all of them
  6. "Elite", uber JWs not seen as role models anymore
  7. Large accessibility to material that exposes their inconsistencies, inaccuracies and immoral, unethical, and illegal practices
  8. Not relying on published printed material anymore, changing their model
  9. An increasing amount of ex-JWs
     

  and the list goes on, I'm thinking now that considering that neither elders nor currently active JWs, not even the CO get paid for any of the work they do, maybe they are just burned out. Maybe they just need to establish priorities simply because they just don't have the capacity to tend to every single issue, especially since the JWs that are still in are slacking, and weak in their standing.

  It's just a thought. Not defending nor making excuses for them (trust me, I have no interest in making them look good), but if you look at the entire picture, right now elders and COs are dealing with a lot, on top of keeping up with all the changes that are being imposed on them.

  I wonder if it's just them not having the physical or mental capacity, and they are just letting go of those they don't think are/should be priority. They have to save face in a s--t load of things.
  
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  Skepsis

  I think most of the appointed men in the congregations are burnt out and many don't step down because there are no one wanting to serve these days.

  I remenber the days when I was a child that there used to be body of elders with up to 8 or 9 elders but now I find it's common to sre congregations with four or five elders.

  Plus, many elders are having to do work that in the past was done by ministerial servants as there are very few, even less than elders.

  I know congregations where accounts, territories and others assignments are done by elders.

  These days all male brothers I know are insisted to accept being MS and when being MS for some years, to be appointed as elders. I know brothers that now are MS that a decade ago would have never been considered.

  Some brothers succumb to pressure and accept it but they don't really want to serve so just imagine how much effort they will put into it. Do you think are they doing tasks that are voluntary or that someone is not going to check if it's done?

  The biggest problem for WT is apathy as there are many inside that still need to be shepherded and controlled but give nothing: no work for the congo, no contributing...

  In the future WT will have to do something: consolidate even more (150 pubs per congo to have 5-6 elders on each?), assign sisters to MS roles or at least give to them some role in territories, accounting, etc or simplify how a congregation is run (most talks from the WT-TV, etc).

  If things follow the same, in 5 or 10 years most of the work supposed to be done will be impossible to do as a lot of elders are in their 60s and 70s and retiring with no replacement in sight.
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  sparrowdown

  If anyone wants to find out how much you as a person or your years of service mean to these people just start missing meetings and field service. You are only worth something to them while you are giving. Any christian "love and concern" only went one way - from you to them.

  But, that is what bloodsucking cults do they use up people and then discard them. Channel the pain of this knowledge into healing and don't believe them when they treat you like you don't matter because you do and so did your years of sacrifice and service you just won't hear it from them. No gold watch at the end of a theocratic career.