"Wise and Loving Marriage Counselors - Preserving the Sanctity of God's Marital Arrangement."
[Note: I made some editorial adjustments, grammatical improvements, and formatting changes from the original post, but it is essentially unchanged.]
We had a couple in our Kingdom Hall who were engaged to be married. Their upcoming marriage was the talk of the local JWs because he was 19 and she was about 36. He was not popular, not well liked, nor physically attractive. His personality was somewhat odd. She was well liked and a very nice looking woman. She had a most charming personality. Their age difference and his lack of popularity and odd personality compared to her good looks and great personality, made this look bad for him. Almost every one wanted them to break up. What they saw in one another is anyone's guess. But it was no ones business but their own. They were happy with one another and wanted to be together.
Then, the wheels of justice and compassion 'al la Watch Tower style' begin to turn ever so slowly and then faster and faster. The busy-body women in the Kingdom Hall started their usual gossip campaign with the innuendoes and cutting remarks: "What could she possibly see in him?" type of remarks. Then some could not stand it any longer, and went into action.
The nice sister was approached in all seriousness by some of the Kingdom Hall women and informed that her fiancée' was involved in child molestation. They said he went to prison for it. The story was a lie, and they were not supposed to even know what happened to him years earlier.
What did he do?: He was about 12 years old when his stepfather molested his sister. His step father tried to pin the blame on this very young brother so he as an adult would stay out of prison. He [reportedly] held a gun to the young brother's head and forced him to say he was the molester. Because he was a minor, he spent time in juvenile detention, and his record was sealed. This was now being used to invade his marital plans as an adult. He went to juvenile detention for a crime that he did not commit.
And now enter the Elders on the scene ... to bring loving guidance. The Elders decide that these two really have no business getting married. So, they decided that if they provide "loving" counsel that she will wake up and smell the roses and "forget this loser." Those were their words. They had already deemed him a loser. The truth is that the Elders just did not want a good looking babe getting hitched to what they felt was the 'Hunchback of Noter' Dame.
So, they held meetings with her, and tried to get her to see how unwise it was to marry such a young brother. They held meetings with him and tried to get him to see that she was 'too old' for him and he was not financially prepared to take on the responsibility of a wife. He actually worked at a good paying job with high union wages and great benefits.
The elders meet with the two of them together and tried to find a way to show them that they were not compatible. All was to no avail ... they still wanted to be married and have a life together. None of the Elders would agree to perform the wedding ceremony for 'reasons of conscience.'
Well, the “sin”, ... and then, the boom finally lowers. This couple felt very attracted to one another. They spent some evenings at her home where they engaged in a lot of foreplay, but no sexual intercourse. This eventually resulted in one of them experiencing orgasm.
He felt guilty, and came to me privately asking whether he was guilty of fornication. She was against saying anything to anyone. But he wanted to be a really good JW and felt obligated to talk to someone. He chose me because he felt that I would take a moderate course with this. He was right and he was mistaken.
I told him that in my personal opinion, what they do is between them, but that Society policy is that they may be guilty of pornea! (Love those Greek words). So, I advised him to call the PO from my house and at least talk to him. [I now regret that recommendation I made to him.]
Yes, a Judicial Committee was set up immediately. The Elders were all too eager to get this couple in a vulnerable position and wedge their relationship apart. This was the perfect opportunity. But, even the most rational person would not have believed what was about to go down.
When they met with the couple, all was discussed and covered in great detail. The couple was directed to sit in the main hall while the Elders talked. Whatever could have been said I have no way of knowing, but the couple was finally invited back in.
The Elders separated them by a few seats and started in with a remarkable new allegation. They accused the brother of RAPING his fiancée'! They pointed out that he being a man, he had emotional authority and power over her, a female and “weaker vessel.” Therefore, he is responsible for what happened, and used his manly powers to overwhelm her and make her have (Non-intercourse / non-coital) very orgasmic sexual reactions.
She protested, and demanded that they understand that she was into the act as much as he, and that no rape occurred. They tried to convince her that the brother was using his emotional power to control her thinking and she was simply enabling him like some do for alcoholics. He was a sick man and she was defending him like a mother hen.
This went on for hours. Two of the Elders kept insisting that she was raped and they finally threatened the accused brother by saying they would report the matter to the authorities! {Tyhey do this even when they protect another JW man who is a molester.] They then brought up his past, and said that he would surely go to prison. This brought the couple to tears and trauma.
A Silver Lining and Brief Reprieve: The PO, thank God, had a lucid moment where he felt this was going a little too far. So they eventually adjourned the meeting and held another meeting later on. The couple was “privately reproved” and given full restrictions from everything. They were told that as long as they were restricted no wedding would be allowed at the Kingdom Hall and no Elder would marry them. They were advised to separate and not marry at all.
The couple decided that they still loved one another, and would be better off getting married right away. I personally believe they made a mistake getting married. I felt that a longer engagement would have helped them to see that they were not compatible. But it was none of my business, and so I kept silent.
They went and got married one day by the Justice of the Peace. Few would come to their wedding. I would have gone, but was not told about it. They seemed quite happy, until the day that their new baby was born.
Then the wheels of justice went into action once again. When their little girl was about 2 years old, a sister was over visiting and changed the diaper (or training pants) of the little girl and saw some blood around the girl's vaginal area. She assumed right away that the “Dad” molested the girl and told the Mom. But this time the Mom had been fed so much poison about her husband that she did not know what to do.
She took their daughter a woman doctor and the doctor said that no molesting could have happened. She said that little girls sometimes bleed in this way and not to be alarmed. They discussed what evidence would result from an adult man molesting a little girl of this age. It was clear that molesting was not a medically sound conclusion. The Mom got this confirmed from another doctor. And I understand that the little girl eventually saw a total of seven doctors, and all gave the same medical opinion.
In the meantime someone secretly coached the little girl into saying it was daddy that touched her. Daddy had changed her diaper a number of times and the little girl got confused. So Mom got scared and went to the police. The brother passed a full lie detector test three times. Contrary to popular opinion, lie detectors are virtually 100% accurate, and very few people can control all the body responses necessary to fool one. This is also difficult with a police officer standing there ready to handcuff the accused if he fails the test.
Meanwhile back in the Congregation, the JWs sisters went to the Elders and they all persuaded the Mom to leave her husband. The Elders pointed out how she should have listened to them in the first place. So before she ever learned of the lie detector results or the secret coaching of her little girl, she was whisked off out of state and her whereabouts were concealed from the brother.
He eventually found her, but their marriage was so damaged that they could not reconcile. He was given a picture of his daughter to keep. He would cry when he showed it to me.
The Outcome: He eventually divorced his wife and to this day is no where to be found. [I wrote this about a year and a half ago, and I have not yet heard anything about where this brother is.] I have talked with his ex-wife several times on the phone for long discussions. She really regretted the way they were lied to and how this finally broke up her marriage. She does not believe in the Big-O anymore, but because she was raised a JW, she decided to stay with it and just not admit her true feelings.
No one in the case was ever disfellowshipped ... but the wheels of Watch Tower justice, as represented by its appointed overseers, demonstrates once again that when the passions of presumptions and prejudiced are in control ... and unlimited power is granted to untrained and incompetent men ... that nothing in your life is safe from being abused and destroyed. - Amazing