Are people free to leaving the Witnesses, and shunning. (page 2)

alanv

Hi Yesu, good for you for never taking that lethal step. However many JWs will still shun you, as from their point of view you had the truth and you rejected it, so they now will reject you. Very sad.

ttdtt

It is NOT FREE when you will lose many relationships because of their rules for DFed and also those who fade.

notsurewheretogo

Told the elders I have "doubts" and wanted some breathing room...5 years later they do not bother me...I don't go and they all still talk to me if they bump into me.

As per Jackson fading is possible.

LongHairGal

THOMAS COVENANT:

You are free to become a "fader", but there are consequences.

If you have no family or friends there and you don't work for a Witness - no problem. However, if you have any of the above, YES there will be a problem. If you work for a JW, you'd probably lose your job. Ditto if you have a business: you'd lose JW clients.

In general, you will either be hard or soft shunned depending on the mentality of the Witness and whether or not you are known to be vocal about the faults of the religion!

The bottom line is: if you fade you will be shunned to some degree by many Witnesses, no matter how careful you are. This is the price of you no longer being present at their meetings!

LoveUniHateExams

I also managed a successful fade and have been left alone. For the first five years, I was contacted by brothers about 3 times. Then they left me alone when they saw they weren't getting anywhere, but I boxed carefully. I never said the GB isn't the F&DS, or that it's all a load of lies, or whatever.

Then, I moved 200 miles away to study at uni and stayed in that area after graduating.

But we faders are in a minority.

Most people can't just walk away with no consequences - especially if they have family members still 'in' ...

steve2

I can still feel envious of those who have left with zero repercussions. Perhaps family and friendship ties weren't as strong or complex?

Reality is you are at the mercy of your locality, including the body of elders, family and friends. I tried to diplomatically leave, neither seeking nor desiring to "share" my misgivings - but family persisted in making inquiries and I fell big time for the "let's talk it over" routine and was effectively threatened with being disfellowshipped. When specifically asked by an elder/friend if I was in contact with "known" apostates, I succumbed and said, "Yes". This beating down occurred at a low ebb in my life over a period of about 18 months. Inside I knew they would not stop harassing me until they got what they were looking for.

Looking back, I would have been better to have relocated - at least the distance would have taken some of the heat off me. Calmly I could have thought the matter through. No such luck with them living so close. But I am not so sure that relocating would have been 100% effective in helping me keep family and friends.

Sometimes for untold numbers of JWs there is no easy way out - regardless of how determined you are to fade and not cause "trouble". You'll always wonder when you'll get caught socially or public ally associating with the "wrong" people. What a way to live your life - fear of being caught and then shunned.

At least I now have my dignity and - most importantly - a far, far better life. Shame about losing family and friends, though.

alanv

I never thought about relocating. I would never do that just to get rid of a few idiots. If they dont want to talk to me thats their loss. I have a great life after fading.

Ucantnome

I left and I always speak to the witnesses if I see them in the area and a few I stay in contact with. Some are more friendly than others. Some seem not to see me until I say hello. I haven't been invited to any social gatherings tho.

I spoke to the elders when I left, at my request. It took them 7 months from the initial request and several phone calls to them until they were able to find the time to come round. We discussed my concerns and I asked them if they wanted to disfellowship me and they said no. In the 7 months whilst waiting I stopped attending the meetings.

Since then I have had two elders call on me. One came round quite regularly and we discussed lots of different points, he changed my view of the trinity. Strange.

I don't think that it would be the same for everyone but I could be wrong.

steve2

Alanv:

"I never thought about relocating. I would never do that just to get rid of a few idiots. If they dont want to talk to me thats their loss. I have a great life after fading."

The other factor that I think can play a huge role in the individual's response to "pressure" from elders and family is age: I look back at my earlier years and am amazed at how incredibly naïve I was at the time I decided to stop going to meetings. I have learnt so much since then. But that is life: It throws us curve balls whether or not we're ready.

That aside, for me remaining in the organization was never an option and my life has improved immeasurably since leaving.

Anders Andersen

Is it true, as Bro Jackson testified to the Australian Royal Commission, that people can leave the religion freely?

No, absolutely not!

Jackson led his audience to believe that JW members are 'free to leave', but what he actually said was 'you're free to become inactive, and you'll still have to obey our rules for some years or we'll take away your friends and family.

'Free to leave' includes:

Free from fear of repercussions
Free to officialy resign from the religion without punishment
Free to do as you will after leaving, without having someone tell your family they can't have any contact with you.

With fading, none of these conditions are met.

Are you really free to leave if you can't openly celebrate you birthday or Christmas a year after leaving?

Of course it depends; someone who has no JW family and friends anyway after leaving is more likely to be left alone. But those who maintain a close relationship with their JW family or friends after leaving will be held to JW rules.

JW is like Hotel California...you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave (unharmed).

Are people free to leaving the Witnesses, and shunning.

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