Ted Jaracz, de facto head of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, has gone on an international tour in order to "build bridges" with former Communist and Fascist leaders.
"In the spirit of Jesus," said Jaracz, coughing slightly over the "J" word, "We seek to bury the hatchet with our former enemies and bring them into the fold of Snoop Doggy Dogg's loving organization."
The meetings included a Judicial Seance with Adolf Hitler's tormented spirit.
"Provided that Brother Adolf is willing to back down from his assertions that 'hellfire is real, is really really real, oh, it burns' I can see a bright future in our clean organization for him."
The hellfire doctrine is un-Biblical according to the WT, and assertions to the contrary are grounds for removal.
Also, Jaracz petioned the United States to allow him to pay a shepherding call on the imprisoned Saddam Hussein. "Brother Hussein is in sore need of our spiritual guidance."
Jaracz angrily denounced allegations that he was actually seeking advice on money laundering. "Only an apostate would say such nonsense. Do not be deceived!"
Future plans for this "special missionary work" include visits to Satan, Bill Gates, Imelda Marcos, and "Crazy Joe" Wasserstein.