True Story of Creation

by waiting 1 Replies latest social humour

  • waiting

    The TRUE story of creation.
    >In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth.
    >And the Earth was without form, and void,
    >And darkness was upon the face of the deep.
    >And the Devil said,
    >"It doesn't get any better than this."
    >And so God created Man in His own image;
    >Male and female He created them.
    >And God looked upon Man and Woman
    >And saw that they were lean and fit.
    >And God populated the earth
    >With broccoli and cauliflower and spinach
    >And green and yellow vegetables of all kinds,
    >So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
    >And so the Devil created McDonald's.
    >And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger.
    >And the Devil said to Man,
    >"You want fries with that?"
    >And Man said, "Super size them."
    >And Man gained five pounds.
    >And so God created the healthful yogurt,
    >That Woman might keep her figure
    >But the Devil brought forth chocolate.
    >And Woman gained five pounds.
    >And God said,
    >"Try my crispy fresh salad."
    >And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's.
    >And Woman gained 10 pounds.
    >And God said, "Why doth thou eatest thus?
    >"I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables
    >And olive oil with which to cook them."
    >But the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak
    >So big it needed its own platter.
    >And Man gained 10 pounds
    >And his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
    >And so God brought forth running shoes.
    >And Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
    >And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control
    >So Man would not have to toil to change
    >channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
    >And Man gained another 20 pounds.
    >And so God brought forth the potato,
    >A vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
    >And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
    >center into chips and deep-fat fried them.
    >And the Devil created sour cream dip.
    >And Man clutched his remote control
    >And ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
    >And the Devil saw and said,
    >"It is good."
    >And Man went into cardiac arrest.
    >And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
    >And the Devil cancelled Man's health insurance.
    >So God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken
    >And cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.
    >And the Devil created light beer
    >So Man could poison his body,
    >While feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much
    >of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz.
    >And Man gained another 10 pounds.
    >And Woman ventured forth
    >Into the land of Godiva chocolate,
    >And upon returning asked Man,
    >"Do I look fat?"
    >And the Devil said,
    >"Always tell the truth."
    >And Man did.
    >And Woman went out from the presence of Man
    >And dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer,
    >East of the marriage counselor.
    >And the Devil said,
    >"It doesn't get any better than this."

    Carmel posted this another place. His sense of humor doesn't shine through to here sometimes.


    Edited by - waiting on 22 July 2000 13:51:37

  • Pathofthorns

    Very funny. Thanks Waiting and Carmel.


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