Mulan----They WISH we felt bad that we took off. ...it's 1 of the BEST decisions in my life!
What Do You Try To Do To Get JWs OUT??
by minimus 18 Replies latest jw friends
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detective
When I first got tired of the strange behaviors and attitudes of my JW friend and finally typed "Jehovah's Witnesses" into a search engine- I immediately became overwhelmed by what I found. Initially, I wasn't sure what to think. I threw out a fact I had learned and realized quite quickly that I shouldn't have spoken up.
I did some damage control (while still learning as much as possible about the organization) and I started a collection of articles and other materials. Since throwing facts at my friend was pretty much disastrous, I formulated a lengthy "attack" plan . I didn't just read anti-jw or ex-jw stuff, I also read books on mind control, read several books on the bible (and in the bible) and became familiar with other religion/cult beliefs (though I'm hardly scholar on those topics, I was simply gathering ammo) I started laying the groundwork over several months- primarily by slightly altering his language patterns, mentioning fascinating tidbits about other high-control groups and fun & exciting bible facts. Pretty much "prepping" for when I was going to drop the dub-bomb.
I put a substantial amount of time and effort into it. Tragically, 9-11 happened and it became necessary to do the "intervention" soon there after. A bit rushed...
end result- did the "intervention" type thingy. I did a pretty good job, I was proud of not losing it entirely. But... lost my friend as a result (but only for nine months so things worked out well in the end)
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minimus
It seems it's hard to get people out of a "cult".
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kgfreeperson
So, detective, you're still friends after a hiatus of 9 months, or he left the cult?
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czarofmischief
I invited my mom to my xmas party. She might come.
CZAR
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willyloman
In my experience, it takes:
- Love
- Honesty
- Willingness to do research and answer questions
- A sense that you are moving TOWARD something, not AWAY
Some people will be drawn to these qualities; others will not.
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detective
hi kg,
my friend is "out" now after much, much heartache. However, as my friend hasn't really done much research beyond our discussions, i am fearful that my friend may one day relapse. He still has it in his head somewhat that the jws are correct in some areas which frightens me. I find myself worrying about it fairly frequently. I suspect it will be a long time before he ventures onto a site like this, if ever. In some way, he still wants to believe, even though in his heart I think he realizes that if he pokes around, he might find out the "truth" isn't as um, truthful, as it seems.
On the downside, he is shunned by his former friends. He is shunned by his parents (although one of them wouldn't shun him given a viable choice). One the upside, he has established ties outside the group and since married a non-jw. also, he has re-established ties with an estranged sibling who left the group and subsequently home when he was still young. He is substantially happier now and it shows.
Sadly, I feel bad for one of his mother whom I suspect wants out and has wanted out for a long time. She wants a relationship with her children. I think she'd leave on emotional grounds alone (not factual grounds) if her situation weren't so complicated. His mother is trapped. Unfortunately, I'd love that to just be a dramatic overstatement, it would be extremely difficult for her.
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Mysterious
Once someone is having minor doubts I make sure I help supply more points for them to think about so the doubts grow. It helps if they see contradictions in their life for themselves first. I think most dubs worry you are trying to convert them to your religion, I always try to show that I just want them to have all the facts so they can make an informed decision for themselves.
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minimus
The fact is: most JW's are very guarded about "doubts" and criticism of the organization, due to fear. I think it's usually dangerous to initiate negatives about the organization but once the Witness expresses THEIR feeling, it's good to subtlely agree and then point out other areas that are disturbing.