Hello, this is my first post. I have been trying to sign up to this board forever now and finally got it to work! I have been a lurker since August of 2002. I still kinda consider myself a Witness. I haven't been to a meeting since December of 02'. I went to the Memorial this past year but I don't count that as a meeting. I am begining to think back at my childhood and I am getting depressed thinking about what could have been.....
Growing up, I was blessed with enormously fast legs. I was a very fast runner. I began rollerblading at age 8, and played football since I was a little kid. I became really good at football. I am not trying to brag or make myself sound really good. I played football all the time growing up. I watched football all the time as well. I dreamed of playing professionally. That was my secret goal.
We would have congregation get-togethers and play tackle (not flag) football all the time. I became very good at football. In my early teenage years I remember making deep catches with no one in site (out ran them). I remember being 13 and my 18 year old brother running about 15 yards in front of me and I would catch up to him and tackle him. I remember making one handed diving catches. The one that haunts me now is the coment an elder made to me after playing football at a get-together:
"Better not let the schools see you play. They are going to be all over you like hounds!"
At the time, that comment didn't bother me. I was strong in the truth. I knew I couldn't play football in school, college, or professionally. I knew it was all just for fun. Until....
High School came along. Freshman year I joined P.E. (gym class). The class was mixed with all grades. About 3 months into the year, it was time to play football. Boy was I excited! I never had anyone ask me why I hadn't joined the football team, until this day. I keep asking myself, "If you would have had another chance to do that day again, would you slack off?" My answer is: NO!
Off we went to the Football field. My heart was pounding. This was the first time I would be playing football outside of the congregation. I began to think. Maybe I am no good. Maybe I just think I am good because I am playing against brothers from the hall and they suck. My head was spinning, but I was ready! I was pumped up inside.
Here is my chance. Now I will know if I am any good. Teams are picked. They kick off and we recieve. We huddle. I tell our QB (who was a senoir in high school) kinda in a cocky voice, "I will be open deep" He looks at me and just shrugs his shoulders as if "yeah right". Calls the play and off to the line we go.
HUT!.......I take off like a bat outta hell! My take off speed is unbeleiveable by the way. No one is in site! I am wide open running as fast as I can down the sideline. I look back...the QB has his sites locked in on me and releases the ball. My mind was racing as the ball aproached. "Better not drop this, you are wide open!!" Then it came. I caught it. Untouched to the endzone. Touchdown.
We kick off to the other team. They huddle and run a few plays and score. Our ball. I tell the QB "look for me again, I will be open deep." Sure enough REPEAT! Touchdown! This time I hear people from both teams say 'Holy S**T!"
Next time we have the ball they put two guys on me. Still out ran them. After that day I had tons of people asking me why I didn't join the football team. My answer to them was "I don't know" cause I was too embarassed to tell them I was a JW.
My sophmore year comes. Still getting students asking me to join the football team. It wasn't until the end of the year when a "school party" was thrown that I made another football mistake. I didn't tell my parents about the party since it was during school hours so that I could actually go. The school threw the party at the football field and sure enough a football game got started. Tackle football. I did it again. I out ran them all. I caught amazing diving catches. I broke tackles. I was awesome. Not long into the game we all got in trouble for playing tackle football but I got my time to shine! It was unbelievable! Then came the football coach..........oops.
'Can I talk to you tomarrow after school?'
'Sure.'
The next day came and into his office I went. He wanted to sign me up for next years football team. He saw me play and there was 'no way' he was not having me on the team.
oops.
If only I had taken the advice the elder gave me 3 years ago. If only I hadn't let the school see me play. DAMN! What did I do? Crap! How was I going to respond to this one.
'You'll have to ask my mom' I told him
HA HA HA! What a stupid response! He was probaly thinking WTF! So he says 'Ok, i will give her a call.' I get home and get reamed for the coach calling. My parents had to give me a huge long lecture about how I can't play football for school because it is bad association and I should use that time for scriptual things. End of discussion.
No football for me. Junior year comes. One of the star football players approaches me in the hall the first day of my junior year. 'Why aren't you going to play this year?'
'Cause I can't'
'Well, coach sent me to tell you that he wants you to play.'
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrr! Here goes my hope to play again. I want to play even more after this, but I never play in high school. I wasn't allowed to even go to college, let alone play in college. No Professional football for me. My dream has ended. My goal gone. My future forever changed.
I sit here. 23 years old. Thinking of how I would be graduating college. Entering the NFL next year, begining my professional dream. But I am not. Why? Because as a kid my dream, my goal, my future was not acceptable. I can't even begin to think about telling my kid that there dream is not acceptable. I begin to think about bad association. Can any JW really avoid it? NO.
If JW's were to completely rid themselves of bad association then they wouldn't go out everymoring and knock on bad association's door. They wouldn't work each and everyday at there full or part time jobs with bad association. (Although some have found that they can clean floors and be there own company and not work with bad association. Smart MoFo's they are!!) So why can I now, work the 45-50 hours a week I work to make a living with bad association?? I couldn't live my dream because I would be around and associating with bad association but instead I am still around and associating with bad association. GRRRRRRRrrrrrrr!
I constantly think to myself.....What could have been.