Life After Disassociation (or really leaving by any means)

by dubstepped 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • dubstepped
    dubstepped

    I just wanted to take a minute to encourage any that are leaving that the world outside isn't as scary as it was made out to be. My wife and I officially DA'd at the beginning of last September. I've battled social anxiety, depression, etc. for years and it magically all went away, well not 100% as new situations are intimidating for everyone, but they aren't paralyzing anymore. I was the guy that wouldn't even go into a new restaurant because I didn't know how it was laid out, what they had, etc.

    My wife and I have been to our first Thanksgivings at other family's homes with lots of strangers. Just last night we went to our first ever cocktail party with people we didn't really know. I could go on, but you know what, people are NICE! They aren't the evil douchebags that you were always told that they were. I can't begin to describe how much happier we both are since we left, and that includes losing our families. We get to be ourselves, and we get to associate with people that are from all types of cultures and morals and it's okay. We get to be us, and they get to be them. What a novel concept! Almost like we let everyone exercise free will. It is truly a magical thing.

    So just know that life gets better. It really does. We've only been out from September to now, the end of February, and life is actually fun and we have people now that actually care about us. Not that fake-azz crapola that Jehovah's Witnesses said was love and care that disappears with the wind, but people actually invite us places and ask about how we're doing and genuinely care. We could disappear for years from our congregations without a peep. Nobody really cared. Dub love is as deep as your score on their performance evaluation called a time slip or meeting attendance and participation. It's all for show, and it all falls apart if you fail to perform.

    Be open and honest with people in your life outside of the organization. Tell them what you're going through, what you're going toward, and be vulnerable. We were completely open with the people we clean houses for and they've been our biggest allies through all of this. They are our new friends and family, and we've branched out from there. Find those lost Witnesses that disappeared years ago and reach out to them. We've been reacquainted with several people that left years ago and made friends there again. People are generally good, and if you're leaving something like a cult then you have one of the more interesting stories that anyone could share. People love hearing about it and find it interesting, and they will become your cheerleaders as you escape something that is so destructive. They want to see you succeed. Open vulnerability begets open vulnerability. We've learned more about others around us as we've been open, and it builds real relationships, not surface level ones like the JWs.

    I just wanted to share. I hope that it helps someone out there who is afraid. We were open before leaving and saw that we had people there for us on the outside. In a short time we have more friends than we ever did in the Borg despite years and years of trying there. Peace and love to everyone going through this mess. It does get better, and we're living proof in a matter of months.

  • All for show
    All for show
    I have followed most your posts. I'm so glad you both have made a new way and are doing well. I hope to oneday be as free as you both.
  • dubstepped
    dubstepped
    Thanks AFS! Like you with us, people want to see you succeed and be happy. The world isn't just some cold awful place. I hope you find whatever you are looking for too. Everything in time. It works best if you don't rush it.
  • just fine
    just fine
    Isn't it amazing when you realize you don't have to pretend anymore? I love being able to say "why not" when someone asks me to try something new. Instead of worrying what someone might say, or tell on me. It's fun to try new hobbies, dinner parties, community celebrations etc. The majority of people not associated with Jehovah's witnesses have been very supportive and kind in my experience.
  • hillfy333
    hillfy333

    Hi Dudstepped, glad to hear you are out. Yes the org really fed us a lot of horse manure. I always felt that if i stopped going to meetings, the Devil would instantly dive into my brain and corrupt it. Strangely once i completely stopped going to meetings or out in field service, nothing changed, i was still the same guy, with the same flaws, the same good points to my personality. Nothing changed except now instead of having Watchtower doctrine demonizing my every thought, i was able to listen to my own thoughts without constantly adjusting them back to Watchtower points of view

    Glad to see another victorious escapee from Watchtower mind control..

  • Lostwun
    Lostwun

    nice encouraging post Dub. So nice to hear you and the mrs are doing well. I myself am finding so much peace and life in general so much more enjoyable also after leaving the witness life behind.

    Like you, i've made real genuine friendships. people who have become like my family and it brings joy again after such a bleek past.

    Much best wishes to you. Keep rising!

    Lost

  • Simon
    Simon
    Be open and honest with people in your life outside of the organization. Tell them what you're going through, what you're going toward, and be vulnerable.

    This is good advice. Most people are kind and helpful - if you tell them the shit you're going through they will often do their best to help you.

    Wear your heart on your sleeve and before you know it you may have some best friends for life. Well, it worked out that way for us ...

  • ToesUp
    ToesUp
    Great post dubstepped. We agree 100%. This is a great and positive post that can give others that are just leaving, have left and are considering leaving hope. The world is not the evil place the JW's paint it as. The are good, genuine and caring people out there. So good to hear success stories from those who have escaped. Thank you
  • Lozza Aussie
    Lozza Aussie
    I D'ad in Oct 2013, best thing I ever did from that I time on I have been a happier and less stressed person. I agree with what you said. Today strangely enough an uber dud stopped and talked to me, surprise surprise. He invited me to the sham Memorial they put on for Jesus, told me the location and time. I said NO. I could not imagine my self going to another one if those disgusting things. Furthermore I could not imagine myself sitting through another boring meeting either. These people are completely blind to what they are mixed up in and oh he said something I thought was hilarious, Satan is happy now that he has another one of Jehovah's people lol I almost burst out laughing, too funny eh?
  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    We are in a very successful "fade". To DA would cost us the connection with family who are all still "captives". We feel it's better to keep "one foot in the door" rather than be completely cut off. But we have lost all contact with almost everyone else whom were (supposed to be) our "dear friends" through the years. That has made the fade much easier since most of their calls would have likely been about encouraging us to return to Jah. But it has left a huge gap in our social network.

    Quite frankly, the most difficult thing we have found is making new friendships. It seems that most long-term "worldly" friendships started in school (too late for that) or are from workmates or work contacts. And we do have a small group of other Ex- and inactive JWs with whom we socialize and even work with in our small business. Since we were life-long JWs, we were never much involved with a hobby or sports or other activities such as business or community groups or charities. It's proven difficult to start all over again at ground-zero. Our kids have done much better as they did develop friends in college and a couple are involved in their professional organizations.

    The love-bombing and the automatic-friendships among JWs made it very deceiving as to how much effort it takes to really develop a friendship.

    Doc

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