Self esteem/acceptance and Christianity

by AJN 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  AJN

  Hi there

  I've been in therapy for some years now (on and off - currently on) and during that time have managed to build my self-esteem and self-acceptance to a level where I am actually starting to like and value myself (after having abuse issues to address).

  About 12 months ago I started reading conventional Christian literature and web sites, by this time I had forgotton most of the JW beliefs (although the fear of Armageddon still ran deep, disturbing my inner equilibrium.)

  I (re)discovered that to call oneself Christian one had to admit to being a sinful human being who is deserving of death because of my very inbuilt nature. This was impossible for me to do as I would have been directly in opposition to the work I have done on myself in therapy. I just *could not* turn around and say "I am an inherently sinful person and I deserve death, I take Jesus as my ransom sacrifice in order to make myself good in God's eyes."

  I'm wondering if that is why the WTBTS are wary of psychiatrists and psychoanalysts. Because they build our self-esteem up instead of tearing it down. They help us to accept and feel better about ourselves as we are and encourage us to keep on working on ourselves so that we can lead happy, healthy and fulfilling lives (and make decisions for ourselves). They don't tend to judge us, their approach comes from a place of *unconditional positive regard* .

  Sounds rather like unconditional love and acceptance doesn't it? Hmm, not something I remember coming from the 'Society' who proclaimed to be God's mouthpiece. If I recall correctly we never did 'enough' - if we had issues we were told to 'do more' - go out on the work more, read more, study more - generally telling us that we were insufficient and not therefore acceptable. That's really useful for the self-esteem building - NOT!

  I am trying not to let my anger drive this post (which I seem to have recently re-activated by deciding to address the JW/belief fear issues that I have). I have to say though, the 'Society' angers me in their approach to psychiatrists and therapists. If I had been seeing a therapist/psychiatrist when I was in the 'Truth' I might very well have been diagnosed a lot earlier than I was. I could have been helped, got on the right meds, dealt with the depression, anxiety and PD traits. I feel that effectively the 'Society' stops ppl healing and getting help. In fact it rips away the very substance of self-esteem and puts fear in it's place. This is abhorrent imo.

  Hmm, that's my thoughts for this morning lol.

  Anyone got any feedback?
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  Mysterious

  They push push push to keep you from thinking. They want you to be vulnerable and need them. They want you to feel like you have to do more to be acceptable. Like the parent that pushes the child to be a perfectionist and distroys his or hers own self worth in the process.

  I was reading on one website that made a good point. Christianity holds that everyone is a sinner and treats them accordingly. Whereas some asian religions hold that since there is a bit of God in everyone, everyone is worthy of respect and fair treatment. It's a much better principle to treat someone with respect than to treat someone as a sinner who is unworthy until they prove themselves by the WTBS' standards.
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  mouthy

  AJN you hit the nail right on the head -so to speak.... Yes they make us feel unworthy... But I find realtionship with Christ says we are made in HIS Image How dare we knock it!!! You are worthy!!!First to be loved- respected, your here for a purpose .... I came out after 25 years .. Thought I was useless. I was shocked when I met friends ( in the wicked world( they say) that wanted to be with me. Wanted to take me out or come to my home OFTEN!!!!! I wondered they must be weirdos, why would they want to asscoiate with me. Hey !!enjoy life my friend !!!Get up every day & say I am O.K> Because you are & if you do have any "hangups" ask HIM to help you with them--- He promised Not to leave us as orphans ......He wont. ((((((HUG))))
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  Gretchen956

  I was reading on one website that made a good point. Christianity holds that everyone is a sinner and treats them accordingly. Whereas some asian religions hold that since there is a bit of God in everyone, everyone is worthy of respect and fair treatment. It's a much better principle to treat someone with respect than to treat someone as a sinner who is unworthy until they prove themselves by the WTBS' standards.

  This whole subject is one that I have issues with as well. I do not believe that I am inherintly sinful. I don't believe in a god that would destroy me for being authentic or for not fitting into the tight strictures of the christian faith. This is, imho, only one path to the divine. There are many others.

  In my faith, as mysterious said, I believe that there is a piece of the divine in me. I believe that I am a whole person without need for redemption. When I need help, my higher power has always been there for me. When I pray I feel a deep connection with that power. I feel much more connected to that spirit and to my spirituality than I ever did as a witness.

  I have been to many other christian churches too. When it came down to the time they all lined up to take the eucharist, I said, hey, no thanks! Don't need it. I already know I am blessed. Do I make mistakes? Hell yes. Am I going to hell for them? No, because mistakes are gifts to learn from. If you learn from them you are stronger.

  I also don't think christians have a copyright on morality or treating others with respect. In my life karma reminds me that doing ill to someone else always comes back threefold.

  You too have a piece of the divine. Be happy, know peace. Life is GOOD!

  Gretchen
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  DanTheMan

  I (re)discovered that to call oneself Christian one had to admit to being a sinful human being who is deserving of death because of my very inbuilt nature.

  One thing I really struggled with when I was a JW - animals grow old and die too! So that begs the question - are animals sinners that have been given a death sentence also?

  I don't feel like I'm a sinner in need of redemption. I am what I am. Fundamentalist religious groups/cults get their membership from people who feel intense self-loathing, who have a desperate need to forget their hated selves by submersing their ego in a collective holy cause (read Eric Hoffer's The True Believer for further insight into this). Psychologists are in the business of helping people to not hate themselves.

  Also, religious organizations like the Watchtower are an end to themselves, they only exist to keep on existing. This is the unconscious, unspoken motivation behind it all. Psychology is a threat to that continuity, hence the hostility.
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  Navigator

  I am with Dan The Man on this one which is why I no longer think of myself as a Christian, but do consider that Jesus is my master teacher. The mission statement of the Unity church where I attend is: Our mission is to live and teach the transformative message of Jesus Christ in a loving community that celebrates the Christ spirit in all people. Our pastor is just as likely to quote from the Bagavad Gita or the Upanishads or the Tao Te Ching as from the bible. Our scripture reading this morning came from the Gospel of Thomas (One of those Gnostic gospels that didn't make the cut in 325 A.D.)
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  AJN

  Thanks everyone :)

  Mysterious,

  Like the parent that pushes the child to be a perfectionist and distroys his or hers own self worth in the process.

  I so agree with you there, it is such a shame that this kind of thing happens.

  Mouthy :)

  Get up every day & say I am O.K

  Thanks for your post, you're very kind. I appreciate getting the non JW Christian perspective as well :)

  Gretchen956

  This is, imho, only one path to the divine. There are many others.

  Yeah - that seems to be one of the key issues, the belief that there is only one way to God invalidates every other belief system and that is just plain unfair.

  In my faith, as mysterious said, I believe that there is a piece of the divine in me. I believe that I am a whole person without need for redemption. When I need help, my higher power has always been there for me. When I pray I feel a deep connection with that power. I feel much more connected to that spirit and to my spirituality than I ever did as a witness.

  That must be a wonderful place to be at - thank you for sharing :)

  DanTheMan :) groovy hat lol

  Fundamentalist religious groups/cults get their membership from people who feel intense self-loathing.

  Oh yeah - I totally agree, when I look back to how I was when I got involved I am quite shocked. Self-loathing is something I am working on. Self-acceptance being key.

  Navigator,

  Our pastor is just as likely to quote from the Bagavad Gita or the Upanishads or the Tao Te Ching as from the bible.

  That's really neat. I think acceptance of other belief systems is the way forward.

  Thanks again everyone :)