Alone

by Deleteandrestart 19 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Magnum

  I felt that they were in the congregation all under the spell or some form of hypnosis from the wtbts,

  it was like for the first time in my experience at the Kh , that I was the only one to see What was actually going on , the indoctrination, the guilt tripping, I could see it all as clear as day

  That's the way it got to be for me the last few months of going to meetings. It was like scales had fallen off my eyes. I looked around the hall at meetings and it all seemed so different. The people seemed so different. It truly did seem as though I had broken free from a spell and they were still under it.

  I understand your position, but I'm not in it. My wife and I just couldn't take it anymore. Being around JWs made us sick and angry. We were uber-dubs for decades, and our entire lives revolved around JWdom, however, we don't miss it one bit. I can't stand to be around people who are deluded and self-righteous and unfair. I can't stand that goody-goody, cultish, deluded, sometimes phony JW smile.

  I do greatly miss the hope I had for the future and the feeling of security and the feeling that I was doing something worthwhile. I also get really nostalgic for the way JWdom used to seem to me. I miss going to district conventions when I thought it was all good and real, when I thought the end was imminent and that we might get new info. I feel nostalgia for the way I used to feel about old-time JWs using sound cars, preaching boldly, etc. However, now I have extremely bad feelings against JWdom and completely avoid JWs. If my wife and I go out to eat or go shopping, we always do a quick scan for JWs so we can avoid them.

  I just don't want to be around people who think they're right and that everybody else is wrong, who point out what they think is wrong with others, yet who won't examine the mountain of evidence against them. I can't associate with people around whom I can't be myself; I can't be phony.

  Also, I can't waste many hours per week going to meetings that just consume time. For example, for me, it used to take at least four hours of time to go to a Sunday meeting, and when they were in the afternoons, I couldn't do anything fun before the meeting knowing it was hanging over me.

  So, while I understand your situation, my feeling is that you won't miss all those people if you leave, and you certainly won't miss the time-wasting, mind-numbing JW routine.
• 

  LettMorrisSplaneit

  But just coming to terms with the fact that this was no longer the solution to life's problems, that I'd wasted so much time, that as I sat in the Kh and heard everyone comment, my heart was no longer in it , I no longer fitted in ..... I felt that they were in the congregation all under the spell or some form of hypnosis from the wtbs

  My feelings exactly.
• 

  Balaamsass2

  Just move, and then enjoy sleeping in on weekends.(if you can't move, a locked picket fence helps) After an extra cup of coffee, newspaper, and warm bed you will feel all better. :)
• 

  Lieu

  We have to realize something, all these people 'in charge' are only there to teach you about God's Kingdom. Let us know about its blessings. They aren't there for anything else. They aren't there to police anyone, have authority over anyone, or make rules.

  They aren't rulers of anyone or anything. They aren't prophets and they can't perform one single miracle, they can't pardon sin nor grant life.

  Don't be afraid of them.
• 

  talesin

  I find solace in books and music. ; )

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rI02toOHn0w
  
• 

  AudeSapere

  Deleteandrestart wrote: I refuse to let the wtbts deprive me of a lifetime of friends and contacts

  At some point you will get weary of always having to watch your words and silence your thoughts and you will likely find that it is often much more rewarding to have a handful of friends who accept your for who and what your are than to have an army of acquaintances who would drop in a heartbeat if they suspect that one wrong word from you would threaten their fragile faith.

  From your comments, it sounds like maybe your business and income are primarily tied to the JW community. I could be wrong, just getting that vibe from this thread.

  Start expanding your professional and social network. Start now.
  

  Seriously, two or three friends that have creative thoughts or similar interests or enjoy similar activities to you. Even neighbors who may just be available to drink a beer for 30 minutes while watching the cars go by or the sun set. So much more enjoyable than enduring people forced to be nice then forced to shun with a simple 15-second announcement from the platform.

  And sleeping in on the weekends is priceless! Seriously.

  -Aude.
  
• 

  Truthexplorer

  Hi D&R, I feel the pain. It's sad that we cannot be open at the KH. Everyone is afraid to say something out of turn. In my case, I really like the people at my hall bar one or two. The elders are nothing but errand boys for the GB who have to follow rule upon rule. I have my suspicions that there are a number of awake individuals in my hall judging by the odd comment they have said. It's incredible that a small group of men in NY can have such control over people all over the world!
  
• 

  stuckinarut2

  Great thread!

  Yes, I understand your situation.

  As Aude said above though, it's time to develop a new circle of real friends...even if smaller in number, that are genuine and accept you for who you really are.

  The MANY friends we all thought we had within the society are conditional on you being a clone of the organisation. There is no real friendship. its a hard pill to swallow, but unless you are a clone, the relationships are not based on UNITY, rather they are based on UNIFORMITY.
• 

  cliff

  @talesin:

  The Elvera Madegan - sublime Mozart!
• 

  LongHairGal

  AUDESAPERE:

  I know what you mean about getting weary of watching your words. This is why I was such a bad JW.  I am very outspoken by nature, and even when I was active in the religion I occasionally managed to say something that got me criticized by these mental straitjacket Witnesses....

  There's no way now I could endure going to meetings and keep my mouth shut. I couldn't "weigh" my words at this point and I feel sorry for anybody who feels they have to. I'd run screaming.

  Now, after fifteen years of being a "fader": I occasionally meet JWs here and there in stores and I ALWAYS tell them individually what I hated about the religion. I don't give a rats ass if they go back and tell.

  I'm just glad I'm not there anymore.