Escaping from the YHWH/JESUS prison

by fulltimestudent 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • fulltimestudent

    A poster recently inferred that I was never a JW, but was only on this site to spread a 'political' dogma. Not true!

    Anyway, cleaning up some old files this morning, I found an old 'story of life' post that I made (I think) on another XJW site. So here's a 'sortof' explanation ow how I left the YHWH/JESUS prison farm:

    Somewhere, the other day, I heard Kenny Rogers singing, 'Lucille' and was instantly transported back to a time when my long imprisonment in the prison of Yahweh and Jesus was coming to an end.

    In the last two years of my Christian enslavement, I somehow became conscious of the song, and hung on to it, playing it often (secretly) as it somehow expressed my predicament.

    Why does that song have that power? Hard to explain, but I think that the song conveyed a certain sympathy for the two key characters in it. Lucille the burdened housewife caught in a cycle of poverty and grinding work, thinking that there must be a better life somewhere else, and her husband, a hardworking, unthinking character who accepted that grinding work was his destiny, perhaps just doing the best he knew how, without any real appreciation of wife’s feelings.

    With 1975 far behind us, the promised land of the Paradise earth seemed as far away as ever. I had started to think my spirit was imprisoned, like Lucille’s. I’d turned to music, mostly classical piano pieces, wanting something beautiful that was missing in me. I took an Art class, learning how to make etchings. I stood down as an elder. All the time, thinking that my spirit was trapped. And when, one day, I heard that song on my car radio, there was an instant appeal. It was not a gender issue, it was simply a human issue,

    Lucille's line, [quote] "I finally quit living on dreams" [/quote] presented my situation lucidly. I'd been living on the painted Christian dream of life in a Paradise. It had been promised as only a few years away. The few years had stretched into decades. I'd seen faithful brothers and sisters, older than I was, come to the end of their lives, not seeing the expectation of their faith, and their dream had failed, as they entered the common grave of all mankind. My youth had vanished in the work in the field, I was approaching old age. Reality woke me. The dream was only a dream

    Would I be like Lucille's husband, slaving away in the field, while the promises faded into darkness ? Or, was there something else? Again the words placed in Lucille's mind:

    "I'm after whatever the other life brings!" had meaning to me. I'd offered my life as a sacrifice to Yahweh and Jesus. But the promised reward was crumbling to dust in front of me.

    What of all the legitimate things I had sacrificed? If death ends all, then I had sacrificed them for nothing but dust.

    Worse, like Lucille, I had to walk away from things I loved. More accurately, they would be ripped away from me, by those who would claim that they were protecting my family from my faithless apostacy. And I knew that my former wife would never turn away from her concepts, she had built her life's framework around the dream.

    And, that was how it turned out. I lost many things that I held dear.

    But I regained my freedom, my right to be me, for better or worse. I am me.

    Yahweh and Jesus became the illusion. I was Free, free to dream other dreams

  • Old Navy
    Old Navy

    The WTBorg Cult Inc. is a very cleverly constructed Front Organization for none other than the Father of the Lie. Those who are ensnared by the Cult are led to believe that they are serving the Forces of Good but, in "truth," are doing the works of the Adversary who quite skillfully presents himself as an Angel of Light.

    The Men who make the rules have been thoroughly deceived and corrupted. It is sad that their lies are believed by so many...

  • smiddy

    Thanks for that post fts {I always thought of you as a young student LOL} I always enjoy your informative posts giving an insight into how other people live as a welcome change to all things JW.

    I can say the same for Terry`s and Coco`s contributions to this forum also

  • Phizzy

    Wot "young" Smiddy said.

  • Ruby456

    hi fulltimestudent

    you have completed all your studies while in the middle to late middle aged bracket. I think that is amazing and worth lots and lots of applause.

    I think the person who said those things about you obviously had lots of curiosity about you and I think this also deserves applause although he seems to have made the mistake of thinking you were here to give is a fright. you are not at all frightening although your intellect is outstanding.

  • zeb

    As ever a most interesting posting

  • Bungi Bill
  • fulltimestudent
    Ruby456 : hi fulltimestudent. you have completed all your studies while in the middle to late middle aged bracket. I think that is amazing and worth lots and lots of applause.

    Thank you, Ruby (and I'm grinning) - but I only wish I was in the 'late middle-aged' bracket.

    When I finish my last essay* and an associated shorter visual, (assuming I pass) and graduate next year, I will be (sighing for my sacrificed youth) - 82. Because of the structure of studies at Macquarie, I will graduate with a major in Ancient History and a minor in Japanese studies. I call my study path a 'blackmarket' path, because I just looked at what study units were available, and of interest to my study goal, at the start of each year.

    When I ran out of interesting study units at MU, I used a provision to take more Asian history units at Sydney U. So as I said elsewhere, I have a very comprehensive view of Asian history, with China/East Asia at the very core.

    * Working title: "The Lives of Minor Kabuki Actors in Tokugawan Art and Literature."

  • silentbuddha

    What is totally totally totally amazing is that about 5 years ago I made a sim solar post on another site about a song that made me realize it was time to go...

    reading your post made me feel emotions I have not felt since that period. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  • Brokeback Watchtower
    Brokeback Watchtower

    Hey FTS, I'm 64 so about 18 years younger. Good to see you keeping your mind young by learning, I'm trying to keep my mind youthful by looking at the world with wonder and always ready to learn something in my remaining years. Hey you only go around once in life so why not get the best you can out of it by doing what increases awareness. Instead of falling into a rut of feeling: been their done that, while the world passes you by.

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