Husband reading from the readers digest to our daughter...

by nonjwspouse 6 Replies latest jw experiences

  • nonjwspouse

    ...I could have sworn , hearing it from another room, that he was reading from a Watchtower by the way he was talking!

    He used that JW cadence. Slow reading with over emphasizing words. I walked in, fully expecting to see a Watchtower in his hand but it was a readers digest "life lessons" type article.

    whew.. it put a fear in me, and chill down my spine thinking he would actually be reading to her from the Watchtower. Crisis, was a non crisis.

    He still really confuses me. I still have no real idea where he stands in his mind or emotions. How deep is his indoctrination at this point? I wish I knew. I still wait for the other shoe to drop, it's been 8 years, and it's exhausting beyond belief.

  • scratchme1010

    I'm glad that at least you can share here, and we understand.

    He still really confuses me. I still have no real idea where he stands in his mind or emotions. How deep is his indoctrination at this point? I wish I knew. I still wait for the other shoe to drop, it's been 8 years, and it's exhausting beyond belief.

    Many people maintain certain things as force of habit, even when we don't necessarily think that there's anything remotely JW in what we do.

    As an example, I decided to join Toastmasters to learn public speaking. All the public speaking I had done up to that point was based on my training as JW and I was still sounding and coming across to audiences, even when I was teaching, as if I was preaching or proselytizing. There's nothing JW in me, but certain habits we tend to keep because that's how we learned to do things.

    I hope this may ease your uneasiness.

  • Bungi Bill
    Bungi Bill
    Well there is one similarity:- the Readers Digest is about as informative as anything published by the WTS!
  • never a jw
    never a jw

    That's funny Bungi. I grew up in Mexico with the Reader's Digest, in Spanish of course. Surprised it is still around. It has entertainment value. Definitely better that the Watchtower.

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    Here's the good news, @nonjwspouse: Your husband hasn't morphed into Stephen Lett with his reading style.

    The tricky news is, not even he knows where he's up to with his indoctrination. When the rest of us were mind controlled, we could have sworn to you up and down that our thoughts were our own. The tangled psychological web of Watchtower indoctrination has so many layers.

    Where is he up to with things that you have been able to observe? Eg: does he allow himself to view "apostate material"?

  • eyeuse2badub

    i think that just the fact that he is reading to your daughter from "worldly" publications is a step in the right direction! Next thing he might do is miss a meeting or 3 for "personal" reasons. Then when he starts looking for way to avoid field service, he's on his way to freedom from the borg!

    I'm still working on my spouse (8-9 years now since I faded) and I see her starting to crack due to all the recent upheaval in the borg! I don't push, I just make snarky comments once in a while!

    just saying!

  • nonjwspouse

    scratchme, THANK you so much for understanding. This IS the only place I can bring this up with anyone even remotely understanding it. His last vocal comments to me have been basically, "it's a matter of time." His mother still gives him watchtowers, which he keeps in his truck, that appear not to be read but once in a blue moon or two. Even then not all the way through. Confusing..

    Bungi haha I read it as a child and mom just keeps getting it for me as a gift. I immediately give them to her to "read first." I can't remember the last time I read one. They are nice to keep by the toilet due to the short writings. hehe

    Wake me up, OMG if he talked/read like Lett I would likely convulse in uncontrolled laughter then be frozen in fear. Yes, it is highly tricky to know where his mind is. I watch, really close, what he visits on the web, etc. I don't see him reading either pro or investigative JW things. except for the occasional quick read as mentioned previously when he is in his truck at lunch or something. He generally falls asleep quickly when sitting and just reading. I doubt he really reads much of it. He does not like me reading apostate material if he notices anything on the computer. Most of it is incognito, so he doesn't know. But occasionally a news article is not. Sometimes youtube will pop up with a ceders, etc video on the suggested list. I seriously doubt he is allowing himself to be curious. I think he has shoved it all into a corner of his brain. Not healthy. He is refusing to deal with any of it, so the indoctrination still has a hold sometimes, sometimes not. I'm not ever sure when the indoctrination will rear it's ugly head, which is unsettling to say the least.

    Eyeuse2b- he hasn't been to a meeting in many years as far as I know, and I''m reasonably sure I'd know. He went back for a short time sank deeply, and quickly, back to the indoctrination of his youth, (which almost broke up our marriage), then slowly stopped the studies and meetings. We are still having issues with trust and behavior enough to see a therapist weekly or so. Our marriage is hanging on by a thread, and I have not allowed the thread to break many times. He will most likely not leave the marriage unless he is back in the JW, especially if he gets baptized, then I have no idea what he will do. I have gotten him to watch the Scientology series with Leah, His reactions were... interesting. I hope the seeds I work on to "drop" work. I just wish I really knew.

    All of this, on top of his multiple health problems, and ever growing financial problems, raising a drop dead gorgeous 13 year old girl that is pushing boundaries unlike the level my older two daughters did, keeps me actively reducing anxiety and depression myself.

    Thank you, all of you, for being here to listen to me rant, and vent.

    It really helps to be understood, and heard, in a way people outside the real knowledge of this organization, could.

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