Pure language

by Highpriest 8 Replies latest social humour

  • Highpriest

    I have heard from a reliable source that the witchpower libel and crap society with it's governing body stands unified by a 5 year plan to introduce what they call "pure language".
    The rank and file have accepted saying there is room for improvement in our language:
    In the first year, "S" will be used instead of the soft "C". Sertainly obedient servants of God's people will reseive this news with joy. Also the hard "C" will be replaced with "K". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

    There will be growing enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "PH" will be replased by "F". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

    In the third year, akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. The governing body will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mess of silent "E"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing "TH" by "Z" and "W' by "V". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "O" kan be droped from vords kontaing "OU", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

    After ziz fifz yer, ve vil have a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls of difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

    Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

  • Sea Breeze
    Sea Breeze


  • Sanchy

    Good stuff

  • St George of England
    St George of England

    Many a true word spoken in jest.

    Back in the 1940's Freddie Franz wanted to introduce a "Theocratic Calendar" that did not use the names of Greek Gods etc.

    Here in England we already see enough so called "English" from the US. They cannot even supply a Bible in UK English, though they can manage Welsh literature for the half dozen Welsh language fanatics that reckon they cannot speak English.

    Many English scientific journals now use the US Sulfur instead of Sulphur, my GP prescribes Ferrous Sulfate these days. When I mentioned it to him he said "I just click the drop down George, no idea how it should be spelled!"


  • waton

    When I read that I hear multi cultural accents.

  • Zilgee

    Finally they will speak in Hebrew with no vowels....

    Nice article...

  • neat blue dog
    neat blue dog

    I found myself reading this in Gerrit Loesch's voice.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    my new chinese laptop doesnt have a pound ( UK sterling ) sign...but it has $.

    does anyone know a way to change it that actually works ?

  • smiddy3

    It has a dollar sign but not a pound sign ? hang on neither does my PC .

    Then again it doesn`t have any other currency signs does it ,imagine a keyboard that does .

    Back to topic, i`m sure I remember many years ago maybe a Q from readers asking about what language would be spoken in the New system and the answer given was Ancient hebrew that was given to Adam as the most likely .

    In the example given above I found myself reading it as Colonel Shultz from hogans Heroes .

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