I hate my life! I have to say it, but I do.
I have a sneaking suspicion that because I was raised in the dangerous Jehovah Borgness cult, that this is the reason. I was told if god didn't watch me masturbating or smoking, then he'd let me live forever in perfect conditions.
I left the bOrg and as a result my JW wife left me and re-married another gung ho jobo. I now do not...nay, cannot, believe there is a god or anything after this life. I'm less than 3 years away from retirement and my life is drab.
I live alone and have become rather disassociated from the idea of having a romantic partner. The very idea has become silly to me. I don't need anyone to validate me.....and yet.....ah, I dunno.....
I feel like I should be able to attain something magnificent. A stately home as a substitute for what the Watchtower conned me into believing.. A toff life-style. Yes, I do think this is a substitute for 'eternal life on a paradise Earth (TM)'.
I was indoctrinated to believe 'better must come' (a good reggae song, Delroy Wilson if I recall), and now I know it won't.
I have written books including the JW interviews, but now removed them from Amazon because, what's the point? I just feel let down and weary with it all.
Does any of this make any sense? Anyone else felt/feel the same?
Thanks for listening. Paul.