Lots of real advice here. You can also search for ubm (unbelieving mate) threads on this site to see what a ubm has to go through when married to a jw.
You seem a bit upset about not getting Valentines from your so called sweetie? Along with no birthdays, Christmas, New Years, and Easter they don't do Valentines Day either. Thanksgiving can be a crap shoot, sometimes they will and sometimes they don't it may depend on who he is hanging out with at the kh. Can you live your life never ever celebrating anything again? or going to every family/friend gathering alone? How will you handle decorating the house? or not? may seem silly but if Christmas for example has always meant a tree and all the trimmings you will have fight on your hands or at least a few weeks of stress about it each and every year for the rest of your life.
Should you get married are you ok with all the time he will have invested in the organization (org)? He will have his mid week meeting around 3 hours, Saturday field service (fs) 4 or more hours, Sunday meeting around 4 hours), then there are the conventions 3 days (and he will take Friday off for this), special assembly days and if he is an elder I there are even more hours required. This means spontaneous weekend getaways are not likely to happen even if the weather is too gorgeous to ignore. He will be in a car with other jw's knocking on your neighborhood doors.
Are you ok with just how much control the org will have over your life even if you don't convert? Here is just a small sampling of everyday ways in which the org will affect you personally and/or your children's life-
no r rated movies and many pg are off limits too
as already mentioned, no holidays
his dress and hair & facial hair will be dictated by the org- yours will be judged by them and commented on when you are not around
your sexual life may be dictated by the org too, I shall leave that to you to research. Your private life will never truly be private by the way, if the elders decide to question him about ANYTHING he WILL answer, if he wants to remain in good standing.
music, the appropriateness of what you can listen to around him will be dictated by his jw-ism
if you have children he will attempt to keep them from "wordly" friends (anyone who is not a jw,) research the lives of those who have grown up in this cult and the deep emotional problems many have suffered
if you have children they will be discouraged (or outright not allowed) to join any clubs, any extra curricular activities, no band, no sports, and definitely no Girl or Boy Scouts/Clubs. Are you ready for this fight for your children?
School dances would be out of the question for young people
your conversation will be limited with your jw spouse- why discuss politics when they are supposed to be neutral? (even though they tend to be extremely opinionated) why discuss the state of the world when everything non jw is evil? court cases? why bother? the judge and the court are part of satan (actually so are you but that is another issue, don't take it personally) all of that is subject to change depending on his self righteousness of the moment or the latest magazine from the watchtower
Think joining the YMCA would be a fun family activity? nope, can't do that either.
You or your kids need blood, think your jw husband will make sure you have it to save your life or that of your children? think again, how will you make sure your life and that of your children will be saved? have a plan? A plan that all your family & friends know about but possibly he doesn't? yes, you might have to sneak around to make sure you all get life saving blood in the case of some accident.
This is just a sampling of how the org controls the life of jw's and their ubm's. I am a ubm. I fought like hell to keep my family together when my jw joined up. I never allowed my kids anywhere near a kingdom hall (kh) or kingdom hell as I like to call them.Thankfully my kids never joined the kh and will not be required to shun me by their so called 'church'. Do you know about shunning? if your kids are jw's and you are not (or even if you are) at some point they may be required to shun you if they want to stay in good standing
If you think you can reach him about the 'truth about the truth' (TATT) meaning that the jehovah witness are a cult, you can't. They must come to that on their own. A word of advice, if you want to remain in good graces with him do not call it a cult, it doesn't go over well. Trust me on this one.
So, lets see what you really have here, a long distance 'relationship' with a guy for 5 long years. You have saved yourself for the big night so there is no messy sexual intimacies to deal with. It you, not him that attempts to keep the 'relationship' together by making the plans and calling. You said, " I feel like the religion will complicate our relationship more if im the only one doing all the sacrifices.", yes that is how the rest of your life will go with this fellow unless he comes to TATT himself.
You really don't have a mature relationship with this guy, you have friend who you talk to on the phone. Ever try calling with a real problem on his meeting night? did he sacrifice and stay home to talk to you? no? you had to wait until the meeting is over or the next day? do you see how you will always be second or even third or fourth in his life?
I haven't even touched on whether you are a religious person or your beliefs and the jw's crazy doctrines! you can't even imagine, truly you can't. When I found out my husband joined up with this crazy cult and the insane doctrines I was absolutely flabbergasted that my husband could fall for this stuff. But he did and so here were are quite a number of years later and things are better but it was sheer hell for awhile and that is putting it mildly. Why would you willingly get involved with and try to make a life with a cult member is beyond me.
You are young, my advice would be to find someone close by that you can have a real relation ship with.
