Invisible Pink Unicorns and Ferris Bueller

by schnell 2 Replies latest social humour

  • schnell

    I've been reading a few articles about parodic religions. The warning about parodic religions is that they might actually get organized and be taken too seriously. It might actually become an "ism." So the first commandment, then, is don't take this too seriously. As Saint Ferris Bueller said, "Isms are inherently not good."

    In the beginning last Thursday, as far as you know, there was a big bang.

    In the ensuing chaos, the Invisible Pink Unicorn made an ordered mess out of things, from whence came our flat Earth and everything between its outer Ice Wall.

    A great battle waged in heaven as the Invisible Pink Unicorn split in two over the course of the last week, with the Invisible Pink Unicorn on one side, and Devil Unicorn on the other.

    This battle popped a hole in the Earth Bubble and caused a big flood. It was on CNN the other day, was pretty bad.

    Things went down in their heavenly loft apartment when Devil Unicorn accused the Invisible Pink Unicorn of holding out on him and hurled a small teapot out into space, and it has orbited between Earth and Mars undetected to this day.

    Seeing the danger that Devil Unicorn posed, the Invisible Pink Unicorn then came down to Earth as a woman of noble privilege who sold real estate in Illinois, and in this form bore a son, a savior.

    But unbeknownst to the Invisible Pink Unicorn, Devil Unicorn saw her plan and also took the form of a man of noble privilege in Illinois, and married her and fathered her children.

    Thus were born the Great Saints, Saint Ferris Bueller, and his sister, whats-her-face.

    Yada yada yada, here you are.

    Here are some commandments now.

    1. Don't take this too seriously. Especially yourself, because other people probably don't either.

    2. Don't be a dick.

    3. With great power comes great opportunity to be a dick. So at least be responsible.

    4. Don't covet your neighbor's gods.

    5. Don't preach this, lest ye take this seriously and become a huge dick.

    666. Don't be afraid of math or symbols or any such thing, lest ye covet your neighbor's gods.

    7. If you cannot easily, succinctly, and rationally explain your beliefs, you should get on that before next Thursday.

    8. Question the source of all sacred texts, and you will find nothing above scrutiny.

    9. ...

    10. Profit!!!

    Other known saints include Spider-Man, Homer Simpson, Bertrand Russell, and Utnapishtim.

  • Village Idiot
  • Village Idiot

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