Is becoming an XJW like growing up? (page 2)

termite 35

((Ballistic )) I was in my early 20's with two little children when I started to go (nearly said 'attend' lol ) meetings-so I had done a bit of growing up by then...

but that was around the time I started to feel really ambitious as regards a career.

The witnesss managed to persuade me that a career and being ambitious was'nt putting faith in J and all his promises- and that I could fulfill all my desires after Armageddon so I dutifly let my intention to go back to college and the desire to start the other business slide, as you know.

So, after leaving ; I have started college again and am also doing the property renovations. It's taken me a long time not to feel guilty for wanting to do all these things.I think the witnesses manage to persuade you that making money and godliness cannot go together without sacrificing your relationship with Jehovah.

So I guess a certain amount of my growing up has been within the last 2 years.

I have also had to learn that I can't coast in life on the coat tails of a religion; and if I want things to happen I have to make them haooen.At least now I feel I am 'allowed' to.

The life within the organisation reminds me of a domestic cats' behaviour.

.They look adult, they are, technically adult; but they behave like kittens for the rest of their life, because they have been conditioned never to grow up.

They have to 'ask' for food and because they are never 'pushed out' of the group to learn to become adult they stay dependant on their mother figure.

It's quite unnerving, looking from the outside in; to see 'adults' 'asking' whether or not they should take a certain path and listening to the elders recomendations, even if their advice is obviously flawed.

So yes, I think it's a growing up process-it's like the teenage years all over again- testing the boundaries- trying to work out what you want; and having the courage to follow your decisions.

DanTheMan

Well, yeah, I think that's what kept me in long after I smelled a rat. Mama Watchtower provided external locus of control, since I was unable to provide my own structure.

Welcome to the board, Makaveli!!!!

franklin J

my experiences were much the way Makeveli decribes. ON the button, Makelveli....

When I left at 21, I had to relearn everything. 2 years of "deprograming" with a shrink and many supportive non JW friends were very helpful.

When I explained to my non JW friends, that the people I grew up with did not want to be my friends anymore and why---the non JW response was " Frank we don't care what religion you are , we want to be your friend". Hence, my first big step away and opening my mind to "the real world" came from the love and generosity of NON JEHOVAHS WITNESS teachings.Yes, I did grow up at 21 and still continue to grow with new experiences.. That is what is so great about life, we never really know it all. Of course, we all know now that the JWs do " know it all. " LOL

I do believe that tolerance and open mindedness has served me well in life.

Frank

Badger

I'm not sure, cause I'm still a JW...but I had an awakening just the other day.

A workmate (An woman who is like a big sister to me) was catching some of my worries, frustrations, etc... and said:

"Badger, you sound like an 18-year-old boy when you talk about this!"

This was big...I had tought I was catching up on my maturity since moving out of my home town...now I find out I've got further to go...

If it happens, it probably will be like maturing more...

Lady Lee

Actually I think it is more like giving up an addiction. A person can for example stop drinking. That simply means they stop using their drug of choice.

They then need to either do the recovery work and start growing.

If they don't do that recovery work they will stay in denial and still believe and may eventually return to the fold or switch addictions and find a new one (work, sex, another religion, etc).

The walk-away believers tend to stay in denial (I was one one these for 10 years after I left)

Just like any addiction there is a whole mind numbing belief that occurs that strengthens the denial of the addiction's toxicity. We need to educate oursleves about the nature of THIS addiction and make choices to not stay in denial and to grow

onacruse

ballistic:

do you think there is a real process going on here?

Like LadyLee says, yes, there can be a real process going on, indeed! But only if we choose to make it so...step up to the plate, take a good hard look in the mirror, be true to ourselves, and, perhaps hardest of all, put everything up on the table for examination and re-evaluation. Oh my, how this last year has been a challenge for me in that way...my life and beliefs have almost literally been turned upside down, and oftentimes I feel like I'm in a twilight zone.

And I gotta say, in spite of the multitude of fears I've had along the way...I wouldn't change one iota of what I've learned, and how I've changed. It took me 4 decades to get here...1 year of healing and growing up is a drop in the bucket.

Life is GOOD.

Craig

MegaDude

Did your process of leaving the organisation and learning new stuff feel like growing up to you?

Yes, and it still does. I kept thinking I was done but then Jst2laws or Joy2bfree would suggest another book to read, or I had a conversation with LittleToe or Six and, bang!!!!, my perspective was altered again. LOL.

Sometimes when people post those "going back to the hall" threads, this is the perspective from which I cannot understand it one bit.

I think going back to the JWs happens because those who leave don't cope well out of the rigid Watchtower life. The unknown world is strange to them, they may have difficulty finding a place in it and they are carrying heavy JW mental baggage. It's one thing to leave the JWs but if you can't drop your JW filters, beliefs and prejudices, you are not going to have a very smooth transition into "the world." After a while they run back to a place where they know how everything works and they know their place. Sad, really. I've met several JWs who left and then returned to the Organization. All of them had evident emotional problems.

Phantom Stranger

How do you train fleas for a flea circus? Keep them in a jar until they jump just short of the lid, then remove the lid. Fleas never figure out the lid is gone - they jump just short every time.

Is becoming an XJW like growing up?

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