Scared Kids with cognitive dissonance

by Wakanda 7 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Wakanda

    This is not about Sexual Child Abuse, and I apologize if I put it under the wrong subject area.

    Stream of consciousness writing:

    I was just thinking about how before I became more of an uber dub in my teen years I was a very frightened child. Even at maybe 9 or 10 I was afraid of later somehow becoming pregnant and getting kicked out on the street. It seemed like wt studies back then mentioned the plague of teen pregnancy every other week. I knew I was safe in the wt, if I followed all their rules, because my parents had to follow their rules. This, however, was not a conscious thought. My parents did not help me feel safe. My parents would talk about how loving they were because of a test in Victorian times where babies were not loved and they died. That has got to be abusive in itself. WTF? You are alive, hence loved enough. Also, my parents spoke of how loving they were because I have a roof over my head and food. Then they would ask for their hug. Their hug??? (Narcissistic Family, I know) I remember looking at a parent putting his arm around his daughter at the meeting and just feeling so empty and ill inside. There was no relative of mine anywhere not in this sick cult, and they were not even close. The cult makes even families that are totally in, less close. There were and are popularity contests among my relatives. So effing sick. It is almost like getting trauma based mind control, although that is such a controversial subject. No wonder I would get sick at conventions as a kid, my body was screaming at me. But I was taught to ignore my body, to the extent of not even getting enough exercise, bodily training scripture misinterpreted. BTW, my awakening co-insided with getting more in touch with my body.

  • sparrowdown

    Yes, for supposedly the most "safe loving" place to be, being a part of the congregation of JWs is a cold, frightening and very isolating experience. Being a "frightened child" probably had something to do with becoming an "uber dub" in your teens. I think many become uber in an effort to control the constant anxiety that comes with "not doing enough"

    WT is the exact opposite of everything they claim to promote. Love, family bonds, safety, spriritual/emotional/psychological good health, true friendships, satisfying "work", knowledge and facts, truth and honesty.... you name it whatever they claim to have the opposite is what they are!

    The authentic personality is subverted, broken away and "murdered" and replaced with the WT personality- quite diabolical really.

    Good for you that you can see these causes and effects now.

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    @Wakanda: "I remember looking at a parent putting his arm around his daughter at the meeting and just feeling so empty and ill inside."

    You were fairly perceptive at such a young age to know there was something seriously wrong with the JW brand of love.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, @Wakanda. It's not easy growing up with a narcissistic family. You either fall prey to that toxic cycle and repeat it, or you break free from it as you did. I wish you and your husband nothing but good health - both physical and mental. You're a survivor. x

  • Wakanda

    Thanks for the support. It meant so much as my post made me feel so vulnerable. x

  • humbled
    The cult makes even families that are totally in, less close. —wakanda

    o my god. That is tragically true. I watched it happen.

    My youngest daughter and l had the last “dance” in the Org of all my many children. She was starting high school and l watched her negotiate respect of those who mentored her (an elder’s wife she cared deeply for)and her growing resistance to the coercive atmosphere of all “association”. And she did not “feel” Jehovah.

    l let her be. And we navigated the following years without the Truth screwing up her life. She went to college and graduated. On the other hand we were open to a young unbaptised son of an elder who “left” just as he graduated highschool three years ahead of her. He was on his own.

    And so many were cut of at young young ages. So vulnerable. Always wanting their parents to give them that loving approval, attention -CARE.

    To talk to these kids and not condemn their choice was seen as weak parenting.

    You said to sparrowdown and wake me-

    Thanks for the support. It meant so much as my post made me feel so vulnerable. —Wakanda

    l hear you!

  • Wakanda
  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    It's okay to be vulnerable here, @Wakanda :). We hear you.

    From what I gather, your silent compliance stemmed from necessity rather than choice. When you say there were "popularity contests" among your relatives, I can just imagine the pressure you must have felt to internalize all your struggles. After all, any sign of less-than-perfect conduct is a reflection on the whole family's "reputation" in the congregation and the extended relatives. I find familiarity with you there.

    While this childhood oppression you underwent may have given your short-sighted parents a handle on any challenging behaviors and emotions you would have naturally felt rising within you, it only served to store up a huge amount of difficulty later on in life... because, well, here we are talking about the "love" your parents used as a currency on an anonymous forum decades later.

    I'm so sorry that your real thoughts and feelings got buried back then. I can only wonder how many more of the present generation of JW youths are also becoming the keeper of too many secrets, and appalling communicators of the many unpopular, yet important things needing addressing.

    Another significant issue with the perfect JW child is, they have no experience of people being able to tolerate their badness. They've missed out on a vital privilege of a healthy child - that of being able to display envious, greedy and maniacal sides that could yet be tolerated and loved nevertheless. Instead, they are forced into a version of reality where, unless they remain in order, they are otherwise unlovable. Given your own memories and recollections, we both know children aren't stupid - they can tell when things just don't seem quite "right" in their family ideals.

    The sociological breakdown of adults in the religion suffering from ailments is a well-covered issue, but I do wonder now how many psychosomatic symptoms are actually being generated in the pre-teen strata since you've mentioned your own case. This may be an area worth us investigating.

  • LV101

    Wakanda -- I was only trying to be a member for few yrs. and it made me physically sick. Low grade fevers, swollen this/that and it wasn't from lack of eating healthy -- I was thin and didn't eat any junk. I couldn't take the fake. Believe me, there are families/parents/guardians (families of origin/ma/pa, etc. that are a mirror image of the wacko WT cult) so toxic and destructive I recognized the same with the WT and couldn't lie to myself any longer.

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