This is not about Sexual Child Abuse, and I apologize if I put it under the wrong subject area.
Stream of consciousness writing:
I was just thinking about how before I became more of an uber dub in my teen years I was a very frightened child. Even at maybe 9 or 10 I was afraid of later somehow becoming pregnant and getting kicked out on the street. It seemed like wt studies back then mentioned the plague of teen pregnancy every other week. I knew I was safe in the wt, if I followed all their rules, because my parents had to follow their rules. This, however, was not a conscious thought. My parents did not help me feel safe. My parents would talk about how loving they were because of a test in Victorian times where babies were not loved and they died. That has got to be abusive in itself. WTF? You are alive, hence loved enough. Also, my parents spoke of how loving they were because I have a roof over my head and food. Then they would ask for their hug. Their hug??? (Narcissistic Family, I know) I remember looking at a parent putting his arm around his daughter at the meeting and just feeling so empty and ill inside. There was no relative of mine anywhere not in this sick cult, and they were not even close. The cult makes even families that are totally in, less close. There were and are popularity contests among my relatives. So effing sick. It is almost like getting trauma based mind control, although that is such a controversial subject. No wonder I would get sick at conventions as a kid, my body was screaming at me. But I was taught to ignore my body, to the extent of not even getting enough exercise, bodily training scripture misinterpreted. BTW, my awakening co-insided with getting more in touch with my body.