Ending Relationships

by oldcrowwoman 19 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Lady Lee

  Crow

  I think for me it boils down to knowing what I am dealing with. If I have the information I have a better idea of what I need to do.

  I tend to be a bit obsessive with thinking about what I will say or what I want to say. I've learned writing it out helps a lot. It's not for everyone but it works for me.

  If you let us know when the meeting will be I will light a candle for you.

  They say that closing a door provides another to go through. Sometimes we need to close the first before we can open the next
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  oldcrowwoman

  Thanks for the support (((LadyLee)))))

  I meet with Gail at 4:00 tommorrow in a public place, coffee shop. She is the one who started the circle. I will know more after meeting with her.

  Appreciate the candle !! Right now I have a green candle burning for healing.

  Old Crow
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  Piph

  Thanks for posting this, crowwoman. I've been meaning to give my notice to my boss for weeks and have been chickening out. Leave it to good ol' Melody Beattie for the right words at the right time. I need to dig out her book and give it a read again.
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  Lady Lee

  Will be thinking of you then Crow
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  oldcrowwoman

  I will be rambling here. The pain is so great and stretches me in many directions. Reeling from the encounter.

  Right now I don't want to use alcohol or smoke my brains out with cigarettes or run as fast as I can. But to sit in the back of the canoe while the Grandmother in front is guiding me through the pain. Eventually we will get over to the otherside.

  It feels like a domino effect when making decision for change. Meeting with Gail and Myk on wed. They knew I was going to leave. My conversation with another in the circle leaked with my struggle. So my trust level is not on the top of the list here. Because when sharing my gut went into a knot. I had made the wrong choice in sharing.

  I will be closing with the circle on Sunday evening. I will be doing at the beginning of the ceremony. I will use a talking stick and its passed to each woman in the circle. Each woman has the opportunity to speak or not. This way its kept clean and no cross talk. I will leave before they continue on with their ceremony.

  Boy I will need many candles for this experience.

  More will be added to this thread as time goes on.

  Old Crow
• 

  frenchbabyface

  I've just jumped in the board for a minute ... and ho ...
  
  OldCrowWoman ... I don't know if I've understood everything you said but it seem like you need a big hug. Here it is, I feel like you are strong but still it's tiring to always be strong and try to handle everything. Best wishes

  (((OLDCROWWOMAN)))
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  oldcrowwoman

  Thank you(((((( Frenchbabyface))))))

  What I meant about the domino effect is that I have house and dog sat for Gail and Myk for the last seven years. There has'nt been a month go by that I was not taking care of them. And trusting me with their business accounts and depositing clients checks into their banking accounts. The money that went into the account was way over what I earn in a year. So it says alot of my character.

  Also responding to the losses of 2 golden retrivers(sp) 18 yr old and 12 yr old. The last born of 4 yrs. I enjoyed spending time with them. Animals can teach alot of yourself. I've done alot of internal work on myself being in their space over the years. It was a safe place for me to be.

  Whats hurting is that there is changes in my being involve with the care of their dog and home. I was scheduled to be there the end of this month for a week and a week in November. And they decided on their week-ends away another friend of there's will watch the dog. Had someone else to take care of the dog.

  But I can still have there key to their home!!! Go figure? The key will be returned on Sunday.

  So its a hell alot more thats going on besides closing with the circle.

  An old, wise saying is, "We are never given more than we can handle". Some days can be a test!!!

  I am taking care of myself by burning candles , bubble bath being gentle with myself. Pain can be very exhausting. I'll take naps. I have my ducks in a row. With my therapist and my sobriety sisters and my daughters. And those of you on jwd land.

  It is helpful for me to be able to write and a way for me to process the experiences. And to recognize what my needs are. My purpose here is to share and to put it out into the universe. Feelings can be scarey.

  Thank you for listening!!

  Old Crow
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  oldcrowwoman

  Moving on

  " Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief"

  " Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.

  This is true in love, in relationships, with family, and on the job.

  Endings and changes in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Some times, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.

  If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves, . It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear and consistent to act.

  We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.

  Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know when the time is drawing near. It can be ackward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put a closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.

  Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and sometimes, to stand alone for a while.

  We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people---- in love, family, friendships, and work--- when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.

  No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.

  Our needs will get met.

  Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings."

  "The language of letting go" by Melody Beattie

  Old Crow
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  oldcrowwoman

  End of the day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``

  With all my internal work beforehand payed off. My closure went well closing with the circle. I brought a talking stick in the circle. Each woman in the circle picked up the stick. That person is allowed to share her feelings. This way it kept respectful. And their is no cross talk in the circle.
  

  I really surprised myself in handling the feelings. In this particular situation was a clean. Kept to I feel.

  This was held outdoors by a camp fire and 13 women sitting in a circle. Early evening , beautiful weather.

  There was the sound of flock of geese flying over head. I started out saying geese is about community and I am honoring the sense of community. And honoring the women in the circle over the eight years for the gifts given and sharing our struggles, sadness, celebrate achievements. Dealing with losses in our lives. Honor the humor through out the years.

  I made the decision to move on with the circle and to honor the process of leaving and dealing with the pain of the decision.

  I shared about my struggles with leaving the jw's and how I grew through the pain in this circle. The big piece for me is that my spirituality is not defined by the circle but enhanced my spirituality. With the jw's the jw's defined who I was. To know when leaving this circle that my spiritualty is in tacted. Interesting most did'nt know what I was experiencing. And I thanked them for allow me to be safe in my process.

  This piece will be continued

  Oldcrow
  
  
  
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  oldcrowwoman

  Closures don't always come out clean like this situation. Some have been nasty and I have walked away. I won't get involve with the tit for tat discussion, its abusive. For me its taken alot work over the years to come to this place. Certainly coming from a dysfunctional family these skills were'nt being mirrored to most of us. To a place where we can take care of ourselves.To honor the strength and courage that it takes to care for ourselves. And to experience integrity.

  To honor the that resides in each of us.

  Old Crow