by StinkyPantz 41 Replies latest jw friends
That's bad then SP. To have something close and lose it. People grow away from each other too. Sometimes the one thing they had it common changes or goes away and you can become strangers.
I would keep the door cracked open then.
My mother and I have never been close even when we were both JWs.
Blondie
Have to agree w/Nina's sentiments on the emotional ping pong thing - especially w/the grandchildren. In the beginning, I don't know how many tearful sleepless nights I had after having listened to my mother tell me how I was killing myself, and my beautiful son at armaggedon with my choice of not returning. Any emotional warfare seems fair game w/that religion - and they'll stop at nothing emotionally to "save" someone they love.
Cruz-
I sometimes think that the ONLY way I will get my family back is if/when I get pregnant. I am the first married child, and my mother finds a way to bring it up whenever was talk. Before I left town my parents and I had a huge fight and I made a heatless comment that went something like: "It's too bad you'll never see your grandkids." That seemed to affect my mother worse than the prospect of never seeing me again!
I don't think my mother will guilt-trip me about the kids not being raised JW, but since you brought it up, that brings another question to my mind. Who'll take care of my kids if Jon and I die? I DO NOT want them raised as JW. Jon's mom is a non-working pothead married to an alcoholic. Jon's sister is a strict Sunni Muslim & I wouldn't want our child raised like that either!
Also, I DO feel bad when I get off the phone with my mother. She says the almost non-existent relationship is MY choosing; since I chose to no longer be a dub. So I basically am getting what I deserve.
PG-
That sucks. I don't know if my parents will go there, but I'm sure it's common place. . the norm even.
Well, as far as it comes to our children, Tim & I have "willed" them to their "god-parents" should something happen to us.
One day at a time Bridget, and when you're feeling ready to talk, call her.
Yeah, that's a tough one -- we have the same problem. Our wills specify a couple who are heavy into JW and now we're rethinking that, but there are precious few people on this planet to whom we would trust our two. The couple in question would conscientously give them a wonderful loving upbringing BUT -- and it's a big "but" -- they would in all sincerity insist on them being Witnesses. And our kids, particularly Jennie, would stand up and say "hell, no" in no uncertain terms. She's very direct, like her grandmother was before Alzheimer's.
I think the solution is NOT TO DIE, which sometimes is easier said than done.
"The Emotional Incest Syndrome," by Dr. Patricia Love, was a book I read years ago that helped me see my parents in a new light and helped me find power to combat all the little guilt hooks they could throw at me.
Nina
{{{{{SP}}}}}
I am so with you on this.
{petty} and {cruzan} have already said all I could say on this subject, so can I just echo their comments? The relationship with our moms is so hard to figure out in this context, it's sad .
talesin
(((SP))) I have two children, one almost 18 and one in grade school. Although I was raised a 'dub I still can't imagine shunning my own children. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I agree with the advice you were given to screen the calls, take the ones you feel like taking and ignore the others. You ARE worth caring for - so start first by loving and caring for yourself.
SP,
Can't imagine what it's like to have your own mother use you as an emotional doormat. I'm sorry. You are worth so much more than this religion.
(((StinkyP and Others))) it is too bad such a waste of love.
For myself, I handle this just the way I feel when I have a call, but my mother knows that nothing can push me any way but myself, so I guess she won't take the risk to shuned me too long if it comes again to her mind ... She already forget about me onces 8 years not even at first because of the JW stuff ... And I told her I won't take it twice !!! The day I've left this message on her answering machine, she called me right back ... So I thought to myself well ... she deserves me to be patient with her, and I only got one mother, and I love her very much, no matter how much time we really lived together, somehow more I'm getting old, and more I love her - it's weird - and my son just don't - to long to explain - and that breaks my heart - but she deserves it somehow so ... Whatever happens she will be the only one to blame.
Somehow I'm just happy that we (all my familly) are not used to communicate very often since always, so I don't think about that that much, a bit most those last months because she was sick, and I felt like I need to get some news, but she feels ok now ... so ...
For four years I tolerated the simi-shun thing from my family. They would let me go by and visit... but only after confirming that none of the "friends" would be there visiting too. They let me attend my sisters wedding, but warned me to stay in a corner away from everyone and then kicked me out of the reception when I walked in (no, I did not do anything to antagonize them aside from being friendly and willing to talk to anyone who would talk to me.). Every few months my dad will make a pathetic call saying that he wants to make sure I have "sustenance and covering" I have stopped accepting these calls.
Either they accept me or not... no more of this limbo bullsht.
Just as with me, it is just a matter of time before they hurt you more than you love them. It was hard, but as soon as I moved on my life became much better. I have been working toward building a new "family"... one that does not shun me because I will not bend to their demands that I worship their god. How ironic that they fight so hard for "freedom of religion" but then deny me the very right.
