Because of being told I need to be a robot at work, and not so "pro-consumer", not so focused on the caller, not so emotionally invovled...I post the following in case you ever need to call a consumer resonse line.
If you have a heart, here are some guidelines:
Don't make obscene calls. For someone to call an 800 number, select voice prompts and then wait on hold just to tell a stranger to @#*@#*@ is not only annoying, it's rather pathetic. Waiting an additional five minutes for the Spanish translator only to tell her in Spanish to #*$*$& is even worse. Please know that the nastiest spot in hell is being reserved for those who call ten times within five minutes to do all of the aforementioned.
The same with kids. Listen, we know what it's like to be young and bored. But please....find a friend who doesn't have caller ID and bother the hell out of him. We simply do not have time to play games with prosaic little punks who think they are the next Jerry Seinfeld. I can guarantee you: You will be made fun of by the entire team the moment you hang up. Besides, we've heard it before. If prank call you must, please be original. But keep it short, okay?
Along those lines, for serious consumers:
Be brief and to the point. Within the first few seconds, we already pretty much know why you're calling. We don't need your life history; "just the facts, ma'am".
Be polite. While we must adhere to strict guidelines as far as product replacement, odious "contacts" sometimes "mysteriously" disappear from our records. Darn computers.....
Even if we fall immediately in love with you, we have guidelines to follow, Just because you feel you are the only person ever in the universe to purchase a shoddy product, you are still only going to get whatever the company tells us to give you. . That's it. We can not give you more. Honest. If we could, many of us would. Please don't ask.
And by the way, it is NOT true that companies replace one bad jar of peanut butter with fives cases. Don't demand that; you won't get it. We're not permitted to laugh at you, so please don't tempt us.
Please don't ask the rep's opinions on anything other than the product or service about which you are phoning. We are not doctors, lawyers or psychics.
Please don't tell us that you are ready to commit suicide. There is precious little we can do about that; if you are joking, it's not funny and if you are serious, please call a suicide hotline, not us. We are never, under any circumstances, permitted to react to a consumer's severe emotional distress other than a non-commital acknowledgement of the most banal nature. As much as some of us may want to listen, we cant.
Because...
We are being timed. We are being monitored. We are being scored. In many instances, reps receive a computer printout of every contact we had the previous day. Graded. We get points deducted for every mistake. For the egregious error of giving a damn, we are severely reprimanded. The reps who are successful, in many cases, are the ones who can, with no emotion and with alarming alacrity, get you on and off the phone without impugning the company or product in anyway and without giving you what you wanted or, in the worst case scenario (for the company) giving you very little.
Please don't scam. Please. We take hundreds of calls every day; we know when you're lying.
If scam you must, please do your homework. Please don't try to tell us you bought a case of something which doesn't come in a case. Don't tell us you bought two cases, "uh, sorry, I don't have the bottles anymore", "yes, there was something wrong with all 55 () bottles in that case". Don't tell us the case contained 39 oz bottles. We know better. If you're going to lie, research. At least have the courtesy of being semi-convincing. Or try to find an alternate way to supplement your income. It's dishonest. And #(*$#(* annoying.
And don't be greedy. If lie you must, please don't over do it. Those contacts have been known to "disappear" from our data base as well. (Damned computers!!!! Always locking up on us!!)
It is not our fault that Walmart no longer carries a particular product. It is not our fault that only persons in Maine and California can get a five cent refund on their G. bottles, nor is it our responsibility to have a list of every certified bottle buy-back dealer in those states. We did not personally stop production on your favorite product. We do not set the prices. What's more, the company for which we work really doesn't give a damn. We are getting paid little more than minimum wage so you will THINK the company gives a damn. It is difficult, for reps who have a heart, not to care when a consumer is to the point of tears. Nevertheless, as upset as you may be, please realize that if we want to hold onto our jobs, we simply can not show any emotion other than polite interest...to the tune of 3.15 minutes per call. Max.
Most companies can not donate product for Uncle Jim's 89th birthday party or the local Klan meeting or Lyons Club spoon race, so please don't ask. If you must ask, don't scream at us when we stutteringly deny you. It's not easy to tell someone with a cause in which she believes deeply that we can't help, but we have criteria for product donation. If you dont meet those criteria, we're sorry, but yelling and swearing won't change that simple fact.
If you think brominated vegetable oil is the creation of Satan, please don't call us to scream about it. Just don't buy the product. Okay? We are not permitted to argue with you. We don't WANT to argue with you. We just want to go home from our nasty, low paying jobs relatively unscathed. Your burning cause can never be ours, not while in our official positions. We may feel as you do, but we can never agree with you. The best you can hope for is "I will pass your comments along to the appropriate person".
And PLEASE don't tell us, "Well, if you don't like taking complaints, get another job."
Guess what. Most of us are trying. Desperately.
Most of all, if someone has done a good job, take a minute to ask to speak to a supervisor. We get a DOLLAR COUPON every time that happens, or every 500 years, whatever comes first.
End of rant. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.