Women and abusive relationships...I don't understand?

by obiwan 46 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  talesin

  fbf

  very true in all your comments. It is dangerous.

  I helped a friend escape 1 1/2 yrs ago. She came to stay at my place for 1 week, until she got into a shelter. I took care of her dog, and found a home for him with my parents (he is in the "witness protection program" haha).

  Her ex harrassed me at my job (I am a street vendor, selling artwork) and I had to have the cops talk to him.

  Then I had friends of mine TELL HIM (if you know what I mean) he had better leave me alone.

  So I agree it is dangerous!!! I think a lot of people could help and give more solid support, though. I wanted to get people thinking in these terms "what can I do?"

  I knew I was taking a risk, but I also knew I was strong enough and had the support/backup to protect myself if need be.

  As for calling police, I agree it can put the woman at risk. Here in Canada, the police MUST arrest the aggressor, even if the woman does not want them to. It gives her a few hours to escape.

  It is hard to know exactly what to do, but we as a community need to share in exposing abusers and REALLY helping those being victimized instead of always blaming them for not leaving.

  So, I guess every case is different - you sound like you know what you are talking about I hope it was not your experience.

  Note to male abuse victims: By speaking of the aggressor as 'him' and the victim as the 'woman', I am not trying to minimize your abuse and your personal situation. To be honest, we need more support for YOU. It's a shame that people don't recognize that partner abuse goes female - male as well. lol

  tal
• 

  tinkerbell82

  I wasnt raised in a home like this...fyi.

  several other women have expressed the fact that their upbringing was different. again, i didnt mean to make a blanket statement. i said a lot of women, not all women. and my comment was intended only as an explanation of why women who did grow up in that environment might be inclined to continue the trend rather than an explanation of why all women in abusive relationships maintain those relationships. sorry if my statement seemed out of turn.
• 

  frenchbabyface

  Talisen,
  
  I was ok with your subjections, I guess I said it, I don't remember but, to me here, it was only about mention the RISKS FOR THOSE WHO WANTS TO GIVE A HAND
  When I’m adding sometimes something it is just to INFORME (precision to add for example) If I am thinking about the precision while I’m reading the topic and the answers
  
  For Talisen (and anybody who wonder) I AM Ok, since a long time (It's still a Terrible subject ! and people have to be aware)I don’t feel to talk about my own experience because it won’t bring something knew in the matter that could help someone from this board to get more understanding about the subject (except : specific/graphic details – which are not necessary)
  their is enough cases here to illustrate the whole matter ... And some people really need to talk, and it is good that they do ... But sorry it is just not my case in this matter because My SON is 21 and free to read whatever he wants. And more time passes and less I feel like it should be necessary for him to get any specific details about my cases … Why ? Sorry ... this is one way he could get the details …SO … I’ve got a BIG PRIORITY HERE Take care anyway - everybody ...
• 

  MrMoe

  I stayed due to the obligation of commitment. On some sort of weird level, I loved him, a friendship kind of love... so I wanted to work with him, always hoping he would learn how to control his emotions. I didn’t feel much emotionally for him, other than pity. Over time it got really bad, but I actually left because he cheated. Any person that abuses a living being, animals, children, women, etc is not all “with it” mentally. My ex had serious mental issues, and I tried very hard to "heal" him. I almost left him at the end numerous times because the abuse became extreme, but to see a grown man cry and sob and beg for forgiveness is a very very hard thing to turn away from. We are not talking constant abuse, most people who abuse their spouse or significant other do so in cycles, and rarely is it planned, it happens in “the heat of the moment.” Some months was fine, others were a total nightmare.

  Abuse didn't start off with broken bones and dislocated joints or weapons blah blah, it started off with "I don't think you should go out alone at night." "I don't like your friends..." Over time, it gets worse and worse, but it happens so slowly, you become adjusted. Sick, but true. IT took a 5 day out of state business trip and coming home to condom wrappers to wake me up.

  Now, I have changed, my views have changed, but to be honest, when you care for somebody unconditionally, it means just that. Unconditionally.

  And let’s be frank, no mentally stable person ALLOWS themselves to be abused. Period.
• 

  shamus

  I think that people put up with it because they love the person. They know deep inside that they are not like that.... problem is, if you stay with the behavior, you are never going to get help. The "i'm sorry, I'll never do that again.." gets pretty tedious early. That person needs professional help and NOW, not promises....

  In essence, I believe that it is love that is the cause.

  Of course, I have been wrong a few times before...
• 

  proudassmonkey

  Note to male abuse victims: By speaking of the aggressor as 'him' and the victim as the 'woman', I am not trying to minimize your abuse and your personal situation. To be honest, we need more support for YOU. It's a shame that people don't recognize that partner abuse goes female - male as well.

  tal

  that acctually made me cry reading that. my mom hit my dad all the time and no one thinks anything of it. i wonder if it is more damaging to see your father degraded like that or if it makes you feel more secure in him knowing that even when she was at her worst he never hit her back.....

  so thank you for acknowledging that.

  melissa
• 

  talesin

  {{{fbf}}} I agree, no need to tell all on the internet!!

  {{{pam}}} yr welcome (HUGS) - the trauma is huge, no matter which partner is the abuser.

  tal