Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop, and sees an ornamental brass rat; sort of thing women of a certain age like to put on the mantelpiece. He thinks "that'll be perfect for my mother-in-law's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
"£10 for the rat, £100 for the story", replies the man.
"Forget the story" thinks the bloke, and takes the rat for a tenner. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 20 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop.....
"Aaaah", says the shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story"
"Sod the story, where's the brass Man City fan?"
A new blue and white Oxo cube is about to be introduced. It'll be called "laughing stock".
Kevin Keegan was caught speeding on his way to Maine Road today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said.
British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Man.City. BR think we're a suitable team because of our regular points failures.
Why are there more Manchester United supporters than Manchester City? When you were a kid, your mum always said "... and keep away from that Maine Road!"
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were exploring deepest, darkest Africa when they came across a huge river. They were just wondering how they would get across when a leprechaun appeared on the riverbank (It's a long way to Tipperary - he'd got lost). "If you can get across this river without being eaten by the crocodiles" he said, "I'll give you my pot of gold..." "No problem" says the Englishman. He gets halfway across before being swallowed by an enormous crocodile. The Scotsman goes next but almost as soon as he touches the water, a croc. gets him. Finally it's the Irishman's turn. Before diving in, he gets out a permanent marker and writes "Man City for the Premiership!" on his shirt. He then dives in and swims all the way across, no problem. "Thats amazing" says the leprechaun, "How on earth did writing "Man City for the Premiership!" stop the crocodiles from eating you?" "Well", says the Irishman, "Man City for the Premiership? Not even a crocodile can swallow that..."
It's the way I tell em