Any Good Man City Jokes.....

by caspian 6 Replies latest social humour

  • caspian

    The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
    Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
    In the distance a voice shouts out "Man city are good enough to win the European Cup."
    Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

    A burglary was recently committed at Man city ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a dusty carpet.

    A policeman caught a fan climbing the wall of the Man city ground.
    He made him go back and watch the rest of the match

    Q. What's the difference between the Man city keeper and a taxi driver?
    A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.

    Q: What have Man city and a three pin plug got in common?
    A: Their both useless in Europe.

    Cas C'mon you whites

  • Duncan

    Kevin Keegan and Sir Alex are in a radio studio discussing their respective teams prospects in the Premiership this season.

    "Turning to you, Kevin, what are you hoping for, for City this year?"

    "Well - I think we'll be doing alright if we can hold on to Premiership status this season, you know, just not finish in the relegation zone."

    "Okay, thanks Kevin, Sir Alex? How about United?"

    "Oh, I reckon United will win the Premiership, easy enough. Also the FA Cup, and the Champions League. After that, we'll have a little tour of Athens next summer and win all the Gold Medals in the Olympics. Then, probably, we'll tackle and put an end to all Disease, Hunger and Third-world poverty!"

    "Come on, Sir Alex - now you're being ridiculous!"

    "Okay, okay. But Kevin started it."


    ps. Oops! Olympics is in 2 years! but still...

  • Hamas

    Sung to the tune of Wonderwall.....

    Today is gonna be the day that we're going to division two

    By now you should have somehow realised what we're going thru

    I dont believe that anybody

    Plays like we do,

    except for slough town.

    Backseat, the word is on the street that Liam is a larger lout

    Im sure, this team is sure to bore

    and our silverware adds up to nout

    Can you believe that anybody, plays the way we do

    except for slough town


    and all the roads to wembley are winding

    and United's trophy room is blinding

    We're a team of slackers and we play the game in blue,

    we can we do ?!?!

    I say maybeeeeeeeeeee

    We should have got Liam Brady

    but after all

    We got Alan Ball !

    .... sung many seasons ago when it all started to go terribly wrong.

  • Simon

    (tune: Dambusters)

    We don't win at home
    We don't win away
    We lost last week and we lost to-day
    But we don't give a f*ck
    Cause we are all pissed up
    M.C.F.C. OK!

    (tune: We'll meet again)

    We'll score again
    Don't know where don't know when
    But I know we'll score again
    Some sunny day

    (tune: Blue moon)

    Blue Moon, You saw me standing alone
    Whitout a dream in my heart
    Without a love of my own

    Blue Moon, You knew just what I was there for
    You heard me saying a prayer for
    Someone I could really care for

    Then suddenly they'll appear before me
    The only one my arms could ever hold
    I heard someone whisper "Please adore me"
    And when I looked my moon had turned to gold.

    Blue Moon, now I'm no longer alone
    I have a dream in my heart
    I have a love of my own

    ... an additional verse was added in 1989 :-)

    Blue Moon - You started singing our tune
    You won't be singing for long
    Because we beat you 5-1

  • Simon

    How many Man. Utd. fans does it take to change a light bulb?
    540,001. That's one to change it, 40,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit! In fact, it could be argued 540,002, as someone will have to compare the light bulb to George Best.

    Man walking his three-legged dog on Platt Fields finds a lamp which he picks up and removes the cork. Out pops a genie.
    Genie: Thank you for releasing me from the lamp, O Master. I have the power to grant you one wish - anything you desire.
    Man: Can you make my dog win Crufts?
    Genie: What, with only three legs? Wish again!
    Man: OK, can you arrange for Man Utd to win the European Cup?
    Genie: Let's have a look at that dog again.

    Man. Utd. fans. Don't waste your money on yet another replica team strip. Simply strap a large plastic penis to your head. It will ten be perfectly obvious to everybody which team you support.


    What colour would you like next seasons kits to be?
    Home kit:
    Away kit:
    Second Away kit:
    Sunday Afternoon kit:
    Monday Evening Exclusively Sponsored by Ford and Sky WWW page kit:
    Midweek Print-your-own-Money European Super League kit:

  • Englishman

    Man C fan rings up to ask: "What time is the match kicking off?"

    Receptionist: "What time can you make it?"


  • caspian

    Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop, and sees an ornamental brass rat; sort of thing women of a certain age like to put on the mantelpiece. He thinks "that'll be perfect for my mother-in-law's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
    "£10 for the rat, £100 for the story", replies the man.
    "Forget the story" thinks the bloke, and takes the rat for a tenner. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 20 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop.....
    "Aaaah", says the shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story"
    "Sod the story, where's the brass Man City fan?"

    A new blue and white Oxo cube is about to be introduced. It'll be called "laughing stock".

    Kevin Keegan was caught speeding on his way to Maine Road today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said.

    British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Man.City. BR think we're a suitable team because of our regular points failures.

    Why are there more Manchester United supporters than Manchester City? When you were a kid, your mum always said "... and keep away from that Maine Road!"

    An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were exploring deepest, darkest Africa when they came across a huge river. They were just wondering how they would get across when a leprechaun appeared on the riverbank (It's a long way to Tipperary - he'd got lost). "If you can get across this river without being eaten by the crocodiles" he said, "I'll give you my pot of gold..." "No problem" says the Englishman. He gets halfway across before being swallowed by an enormous crocodile. The Scotsman goes next but almost as soon as he touches the water, a croc. gets him. Finally it's the Irishman's turn. Before diving in, he gets out a permanent marker and writes "Man City for the Premiership!" on his shirt. He then dives in and swims all the way across, no problem. "Thats amazing" says the leprechaun, "How on earth did writing "Man City for the Premiership!" stop the crocodiles from eating you?" "Well", says the Irishman, "Man City for the Premiership? Not even a crocodile can swallow that..."

    It's the way I tell em


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