Whingeing Aussies:-).

by Englishman 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • caspian

    Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight?
    Because it saves time.

    Aussie Rugby player in Chinese restaurant:
    "Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
    Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."

    A Aussie went to the doctor one day and said:
    "I've just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt."
    So the doctor said: "You've broken your finger."

    And for our American friends.

    On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

    "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

    Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

    "What are dey den, son?" asks the attendant.

    "They're called tees" replies Tiger.

    "Well, what on de good earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

    "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" , says Tiger.

    "Jaysus" , says the Irishman, "Dem boys at BMW tink of everything!"


  • smack

    Thats a classis cas


  • ozziepost

    G'day Eman,

    I don't know where you got this piece from, but it contains a major error. Perhaps it was in the Graudian???!!!

    Mr Howard, who has supported Waltzing Matilda as Australia’s national anthem, called it “deeply evocative of Australian culture” and said: “Nations determine their culture, not other people.”

    Our PM, John Howard was not a supporter of Matilda being the National anthem. Quite the opposite actually, he argued against it at the time when we had our say on the matter of what would replace "God Help the Queen", oops, that should be "God Save the Queen"!!

    Cheers, Ozzie

  • Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.
    Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.

    I feel a need to correct Prisca on this subject. I believe the correct terminology is, and here I must apologize to the English/British brethren here, 'Whinging Pommy (Pommie) Bastard' . At least, that is the common phrase around this neck of the woods.

    cheeses - not wanting to show disrespect to those in our glorious motherland who so wisely chose to banish our forebears to this marvelous country.

  • smack

    almost correct cheese, you did tho leave out "fuseless"

    as in fuseless whingeing pommy bastard

  • caspian


    It doesn't matter what they sing....

    We got new kit.



    From Alex Spink In Marseille

    THIS is the stunning new skin-tight kit in which England believe they can win the Rugby World Cup.

    KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF: Richard Hill models the new kit

    Revealed for the first time, it has been designed to make it harder than ever to stop the world's top-ranked team.

    England are second favourites behind New Zealand to land the biggest prize in the sport in Australia in October and November.

    They have won 14 consecutive games and from their boot camp in Surrey to the flogging fields of Provence, they have pushed back the boundaries of physical and mental endurance until their bodies and minds have screamed for mercy.

    Now they have a revolutionary kit to maximise the talents of the players wearing it.

    England coach Clive Woodward prompted the radical change in style after seeing Jason Robinson repeatedly scragged by his shirt during a Six Nations game in Scotland last year.

    Frustrated that the shirt was more hindrance than help, he asked Nike if they could reduce the amount of cloth so there was nothing for opponents to grab on to.

    The result is the figure-hugging top modelled for Mirror Sport by back row star Richard Hill, which will be worn for the first time against France here tomorrow night.

    It is collarless and sealed around the neck, and features panels of 'stretch-woven ripstop', a textile which snaps back if grabbed.

    It is also designed for wear in the high temperatures expected in Australia, being made from a lightweight DriFit material which helps expel sweat from the body.

    Clive Woodward's side will wear two varieties at the Stade Velodrome - one tailored specifically for the tight-five forwards, the other for the loose forwards and backs.

    England wanted to go even further and dress their wings and full-back in one-piece outfits to prevent them being grabbed by the shorts, but this design has been outlawed for the time being by the International Board.

    Hill said: "We are trying to get every advantage that we can and the shirt is one of the areas we felt we could make some improvements.

    "When you wear it you feel you have not got a shirt on."

    Woodward, whose side was knocked-out in the quarter-finals four years ago, has vowed that nothing will be left to chance this time in his pursuit of World Cup glory.

    The players had three weeks of intense fitness training at their Bagshot camp where a marquee was erected, filled with state-of-the-art gym equipment, and quickly dubbed the House of Pain.

    They were then given a week off, during which they were expected to work out every day, before returning to base to prepare for last week's record-breaking win over Wales in Cardiff.


  • ozziepost

    Hmmmmm....skin tight, eh? Those shorts don't look too tight to me!!

  • smack

    why you looking at his crotch for ozzie?

  • caspian

    Apparently Nike developed an all in one skin tight suit, but the RFL put a block on that

    so it is just a skin tight shirt with normal shorts

    I wonder what Oz would look like in skin tight shorts.......shiver

    by the way did you get my last PM.


  • Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.
    Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.


    You are most certainly right - though up here we don't want to use too many adjectives as it may tend to confuse them.

    I'll have to get new glasses, as I am sure caspian's picture was headlined something about a 'git'.

    cheeses - toasting HRH with a nip of Johnnie Walker.

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