Pooh and Piglet go preaching in the hundred-acre wood.
Pooh and Piglet were doing return-visits in the hundred-acre wood and wondering about things generally, especially Pooh, who had forgotten his bible.
"I think I should try some more anointing, Piglet," he said uncertainly. Everyone in the wood seemed to be not-at-home, and he was becoming a little low.
"Yes please, Pooh, please do," said Piglet jumping up and down, "an oinking is always fun. Could I be the Oin King for a change?"
"It's anoin-T-ing", said Pooh properly, "and piglets can't get anointed, they're only allowed to watch, and fetch things when they're asked"
"Well I wish there could be an..an..anathingy - for piglets too. I'll try to remember to ask Christopher Robin to remember about the…whatever it is I wanted to ask him to remember about…"
Piglet was carrying on like this while Pooh had some much-needed thinking time. After a bit he said, "But being God's Anointed anointer isn't all fun, you know, Piglet", said Pooh.
"Oh?" said Piglet.
"Well, I was hoping things would, sort of, happen when I said they should happen", said Pooh.
"Well?" said Piglet, looking about for something that might be about to happen.
But, what does happen is always something quite different. And everything I say should happen, seems to go out of its way not to happen. Sometimes things don't happen in a very large way"
"Ahha!" said Piglet, pacing this way and that, "is this a problem with the happen bits, or with the should bits? We should ask Chri…"
Then there was a shakey feeling in their feet, followed by a bouncy sound in their ears, followed by a tumbling-brambly-stinging-nettle feeling…bounce, bounce, bounce…it was Tigger!
"How many doors? Bounce. How many tracts? Bounce - bounce. Did the Hephalump want a bible study? Jesus…Jesus…Jesus. That's my favourite bouncing word at the moment, do you like it? I've been bouncing to that word all morning…Jesus…Jesus…Jesus…and its got quite a kick to it. Soo-woooh-woooh that was close…how many blessings, have you had?"
Pooh and Piglet started to pick themselves up. "Well" said Piglet brushing off leaves and twigs, "There's no doors to call on in this wood except Owl's, and he is a Do-Not-Call"
"And we haven't found the Hefalump yet," added Pooh, "so we'll just keep walking round the wood until lunchtime"
"Is that a lunchtime prediction, Pooh?…Jesus…Jesus…or is that a might-not-happening?" said Tigger bouncing off
"Well I'm not exactly sure, I think I'll have wait and see," said Pooh to nobody in particular, as Tigger disappeared over a hedge, "predictions are tricky customers, even for anointed people"
"But when you said that Eeor was the Evil Slav…" said piglet helpfully
"Yes?"
"…and, well…now he IS the Evil Slav. So that's alright." Piglet followed this with a little jig on the spot, singing, "Evil Slav, Evil Slav, peck out his eyes, peck out his eyes". On the whole, Piglet was being quite encouraging, and Pooh was starting to feel much better.
"Perhaps I should stop a-nointing here and there, and start lots-of-nointing"
"What's lots-of-nointing" replied Piglet.
"It's like a-nointing, but you do lots and lots of it. You do so much 'nointing, that people can't keep up with you, and they don't notice that the happenings haven't quite happened. So people will just shrug and say, bless me Pooh is really 'nointing along nicely, isn't he?
They walked some more around the wood, and Pooh started a new humm which suited his wonderings. It went like this:
A generation comes (tiddley pom)
And another one goes (tiddley pom)
The more my nose (tiddley pom) - is growing
For nobody knows (tiddley pom)
That whatever wind blows (tiddley pom)
Will probably go (tiddley pom) - on blowing
Piglet liked the humm so much, he started squeaking little joining-in squeaks and hopping about, and things were falling out of his book bag. "Look Pooh, I'm placing magazines!" he said pointing at the ground.
"I suppose that means we can count our time", said Pooh when he'd finished the humm. But with a serious face, he said, "You know what Piglet…?"
"Umm - no," Piglet didn't know.
" …I'm getting a certain type of rumbling in my tummy, I think we should go and have some lunch." So that is what they did.
THE END