Do witness children have to be obediant to their disfellowshipped parent if the parents are separated.

agnosticnow

Hi.I am disfellowshipped and separated from my Jehovahs Witness wife and i am having custody problems with my 13 year old daughter.She has been advised by her mother that she does not have to listen to me and so she dictates to me when she comes to stay.It seems I have lost any fatherly authority and my ex wife has given my daughter the ability to go against my wishes in regards to custody arrangements.Having grown up a witness I understand that even though a parent is disfellowshipped the child must still obey the biblical command to be obedient to there parents.It also teaches that the wife must support her ex husband in regards to parenting.I am trying to find any watchtower/awake articles that support this.In any case I would appreciate any links ,information or advice.

Regards Pat.

Crazyguy

One of my children told me that I don't matter so it's possible that the jws are telling kids that non believers or faders or dfd don't matter. By the way dfd are dead in thier eyes so again she probably been told you don't matter.

PaintedToeNail

What about the scriptures that say: Honor your father and your mother that all may go well with you? Or the ones that talk about 'Stoning' your child to death if they continue to not obey or call down evil upon their parents.

Check out the 'Family' titles by the Borg, they all say that the mother enforces the fathers rules, she can't make her own.

Call your attorney and advise them that your ex is interferring with your custody. Also there is a brochure the Borg uses to help gain custody of children when their are divorces. See if you can locate that. The poster blondie might know what the brochure is called.

agnosticnow

Thanks for you response. Witnesess are taught to respect the laws of the land and to be obedient to the relevant authorities police,work bosses ect so it follows that a child is still to be respectful and obedient to there disfellowshipped father.

agnosticnow

Thank you PaintedToeNail I will look into that.

millie210

This question has two answers I think.

The answer "in print" would be that you must have love and respect for your DFd parent. Normal family relationships remain.

The other answer that is not a quotable quote, is that a DFd parent is spiritually dead and in some undefined way "less".

Teenagers challenge authority and draw away from their parents a lot of times during the teen years.

With slight encouragement from the Witnesses it is easy to see how a 13 year old could seek their own counsel, so to speak.

You may need to address this through your lawyer depending on how things go but one thing is for certain...

you can make loads of fun for your daughter during your scheduled time together.

Fun movies, access to music she loves, her own space, just whatever she is interested in that is harmless and yet not easy to do in the Witness environment.

You didnt mention if you are hoping for a reconciliation from your separation or whether you are seeking reinstatement but naturally that would factor in to what you feel comfortable allowing your teen in your home.

My best to you, the teens years are interesting!

AnneB

IMO, you're wasting your time trying to find WT info to support your contention.

You're right, of course, your daughter should be obeying you the same as if you were living in the same home and still married to her mother. Eph. 6:1 doesn't add "but not if there are legal issues."

If her mother is telling her that she doesn't have to obey that's not something you can resolve by "reproof" from the Bible or the WT literature, it's an attitude problem and she's choosing to act contrary to WT teachings. There's nothing you can do about that no matter how much evidence you have that she's going against the laws of her God(s).

The real solution lies with the courts. While they don't care what a particular religion teaches they do sometimes take action if the custodial parent is denying the rights of the non-custodial parent. Leave religion out of it. Make a list of solid examples where your rights were obstructed then take it to your attorney or to the family court. Make sure you leave emotion out of it along with religious beliefs; they're not going to enforce "Bible principles."

There is another angle to this situation and that is juvenile court. Regardless of the family situation a child who refuses to obey a parent while in that parent's care and custody (as in visitation) may be deemed incorrigible. Don't let your fear of losing contact with your daughter overrule your parental rights; let your child learn that her future is in her own hands, that it's against her own best interests to let her mother try to control the whole show.

Please note that in some places a 13-year old has the right to make decisions regarding acceptance of custody and visitation. If you live in one of these areas and she does not want to see or obey you she may have that right. Again IMO, if that's the case then let her reap the consequences of her own actions.

Don't destroy your peace of mind. You seem willing to do the right thing but if you're not getting cooperation then shake the dust off your feet and let peace be, at least, with you.

Best wishes,

AB

JWdaughter

Legal custody issues can be dealt with during a separation.

agnosticnow

Thank you millie210 .We separated in 2012 and I have been in a relationship with a lady for the past three years.She has a 13 year old daughter of her own and for the most part it has worked well. We make an effort to do nice things with them,skating,movies shopping ect.We even had her "worldly'' friend sleep over,something that could never happen with her mother .Trouble is she lives over an hour away and her mother doesn't like her living with me.She is activily trying to keep her from me.She has even consulted lawyers ect.I arranged to have a mediation with relationships Australia and that seemed to work well for a time but now she chooses to ignore that council.I have considered reinstment only so as to give my children the freedom to accociate with me.see my video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRRL-Gfg7ww

Anders Andersen

I'm with AnneB on this.

This is not a religious issue. This is a legal issue, and a family issue.

A parent has absolutely no right to turn their child against their other parent. Both the child and the parent have a right to a normal relationship with each other, without the other parent interfering. Contact your lawyer on how to proceed; mediation would probably be better than going to court right away.

And what Millie said: try to make your daughter love every minute she spends with you. In the long run, there are not much children in the world who choose field service and meetings over having real friends and fun.

Focus on the long term while building yhe relation with your daughter. It's better to suffer a bit now, and have a good relationship with your her in years to come, than the other way around.

Btw I'm curious...is your daughter willing to listen to her mother and ignore you because your daughter is really into the cult? Or just because she's a teenager eager to not listen to her parents (now with permission)? Or because you already have a bit of a strained relation with her (regardless of the cult)?

Do witness children have to be obediant to their disfellowshipped parent if the parents are separated.

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