Reinstated and then fade

by Zeds Dead 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Zeds Dead
    Zeds Dead

    I'm a man - D'fd for 2.5 years now and divorced. Find it hard to date girls out here only due to always having this secret I carry with me that I was once a JW and the thought of telling a girl one day why my family don't acknowledge me as even alive.

    Recently been thinking of trying to get reinstated and then do a quick fade as I cant go back to the whole JW stuff.

    Easier said than done and was turned down twice by elders after an immediate attempt 2 years ago.

    My motivation for trying would be 1.) to see if family make contact and 2) play the last hand in their game and give the middle finger.

    Interested in viewpoints?

  • just fine
    just fine

    Move on - live your life. People " out here" are a lot more understanding than you think.

  • Daniel1555

    Don't hesitate to talk openly about your jw past to a trusted person.

    Most or nearly all I told were extremely helpful and loving.

  • LifesNotOver

    What just fine said. It's not a deep dark secret, really. You don't have to divulge all right off the bat. When you know her a bit and the time is right, tell her matter-of-factly. If you make a big deal of it, she'll wonder what the big deal is. Remember, it's not YOU who's the crazy one, it's THEM!

    Hey, this maybe helped clear something up for me. I, too, was asking how to divulge my past to people. I think the answer for me is to make that phone call to a counsellor that I've been thinking about making, and practice talking about it there, to someone who should be safe and non-judgemental.

    Oh, and NO, don't go back when you've come this far, don't second guess yourself. You'll just find yourself back where you started from, ugh! Find another game to play, don't play theirs.

  • Saename

    If they can't accept you when you're not officially a Jehovah's Witness—even if you're not a bad or immoral person—why should they matter to you? "Because blood"? Blood relations are random. They only have meaning when there's acceptance and love. Otherwise, they're meaningless. (Sorry if it seems a bit harsh to someone; I was invited to share my viewpoint.)

    I'd have to agree with just fine. Move along. Shun them back. Write them a letter explaining why you feel obliged to shun them.

    When—if—you'll find the right person, you'll see that she'll accept you no matter what. People are better than you may (I'm not totally sure whether you do) think. When you tell her about your past, she'll understand. She won't hate you. She'll hate your Jehovah's Witness family because they won't accept you. There's no reason to hold back who you once were. Embrace it. Live with it. Move along.

    Edit: Just saw what LifesNotOver said. I'd have to agree that it's better to tell her about your past matter-of-factly and when you know her a bit and the time is right.

  • Hadriel

    @Zeds with the latest info at the convention if you are inactive and doing anything they disapprove of they may shun you anyway.

  • OneGenTwoGroups

    It's so strange, everyone I tell that I'm an ex JW find it endearing. They find it interesting and cool. And no big deal.

  • dbq407

    I wouldn't worry about telling someone. Anyone i told were intrigued by how crazy the religion is and in no way thought bad of me.

  • stillin

    Your parents did the best that they know how to do. Nothing wrong with that.

  • 08out
    I'm not d'fd,faded and divorced. I've told plenty of women I've done dated that some of my family will act stupid ,none had a problem with it ,if you get reinstated they will not accept u dating out of the truth anyway,so go have some fun

Share this