Daughter doesn't want me to push my beliefs on her

jws

So I was talking with my daughter the other day and she tells me that she doesn't want me to push my beliefs on her.

I am agnostic. Which isn't a belief. It's a lack of belief. I can't push a belief on her that I don't have. I take a more scientific approach. There could be a god or a superior being that we might call a god. There also could be a bigfoot and a Loch Ness monster. But prove it. The one thing I know is the Bible is not the work of a superior being. Hence, we can't take it as such. So it's got about as much credibility as a John Grisham novel or Harry Potter.

I just don't want her believing in superstitious nonsense, which she seems to want to. When she's sick or in trouble I want her to see a doctor or seek help and not rely on superstitions. Belief in something that's not real isn't going to help her.

I guess all I can do is show her again and again where blind faith is a problem and rationalism is better.

Any advice for parents of teenagers?

blondie

Then don't push your IDEAS on her....quibble, quibble.

What if she were to push her IDEAS on you? I know I wouldn't like someone to do that to me, but then I would show them the same respect, family member or stranger.

jws

I'm not saying she has to be agnostic or atheist. But yes, I'm going to try to get her to see the world the way it is.

There is nothing supernatural. If your kid believes in the Easter bunny in their teens, don't you try to let them know it's not real? Or at that point, try to find them some psychological help?

I also don't want her to believe the lottery is going to make you rich. That you can feel better by wearing a copper bracelet. That MLMs make people rich. Or any of the other nonsense. I want her to approach life in a rational manner.

blondie

You can invite someone to consider another side...but to present it as fact without their ability to examine it on their own can be pushy.

None of us have the right idea...just an opinion.

jws

And by the way, lest anybody become outraged that I might be trying to dissuade her of Jesus, she wants to be Wiccan.

It's probably just a teenage phase.

Although I do believe her mother (my ex) is a witch... Just kidding.

But I do think it's probably an area most people wouldn't be pleased with. If I said I don't want my daughter to be Christian, Christians would be outraged. You're denying her of Jesus. But if I say I don't want her to be Wiccan because it's full of silly superstitions, they'll go "right on, you nailed it. We can't have that".

LisaRose

I guess all I can do is show her again and again where blind faith is a problem and rationalism is better.

I don't think that will work. No one wants to be told they are wrong, especially not over and over, she will resist and shut down and you will do more harm than good.

The best you can do is ask questions designed to get her to think and to listen without judgements to her thoughts. It's a process that takes time and patience and a great deal of self control. Hearts and minds are never changed overnight. Think of it like nurturing a plant, you must water it carefully, not too much or too little, and wait for it to grow, more water will not make the plant grow faster, it can only use so much at a time. Telling someone over and over that faith is a problem and rationalism is the solution is like dumping gallons of water on a tiny seedling, it won't make it grow faster it will just kill it.

scratchme1010

So I was talking with my daughter the other day and she tells me that she doesn't want me to push my beliefs on her.

I am agnostic. Which isn't a belief. It's a lack of belief. I can't push a belief on her that I don't have. I take a more scientific approach. There could be a god or a superior being that we might call a god. There also could be a bigfoot and a Loch Ness monster. But prove it. The one thing I know is the Bible is not the work of a superior being. Hence, we can't take it as such. So it's got about as much credibility as a John Grisham novel or Harry Potter.
I just don't want her believing in superstitious nonsense, which she seems to want to. When she's sick or in trouble I want her to see a doctor or seek help and not rely on superstitions. Belief in something that's not real isn't going to help her.
I guess all I can do is show her again and again where blind faith is a problem and rationalism is better.
Any advice for parents of teenagers?

Seems like what you state is in fact a believe. You can respect her wishes and explain to her that you are not "pushing" believes in her, but that if she feels like she can't handle a simple conversation about believes or non-believes, she's the one with the issue.

The key here is her accusing you of pushing something simply by expressing what you believe. The same right that she has to accuse you of pushing your believes is the same right that you have to have a simple conversation on the subject. Ask her how are you pushing your believes?

However, make sure that you in fact are not pushing your believes to her. For example, will it be possible to just make a statement about your believes without adding things like "showing her again and again where blind faith is a problem and rationalism is better"? That sounds like the intention of trying to modify behavior around her believes, and that may be what she sees as "pushing". Furthermore, context is important. Is that the only thing you talk about? How often do you bring the subject? Are you as interested in her behavior around other aspects of her life? Look at how you frame that interaction with her when it comes to religious believes as opposed to when you deal with other subjects.

Cold Steel

Many people find happiness and a great deal of comfort in religion. I'm not a JW, but I have my own religious beliefs and can see where your daughter is coming from. You should understand that there are many who find in religion a purpose for existing. Some may be comfortable in not knowing, but I can tell you that destroying someone's religious beliefs will not endear you to them, but may instead cause deep seated resentment and depression in the form of cognitive dissonance.

If your daughter is happy in her beliefs, I recommend you respect her wishes and not seek to undermine them unless those beliefs are being used by others to alienate her from family or friends. When people use the religious beliefs of others as a means of control, that can be challenged without destroying a person's core beliefs. But that's another problem entirely.

Crazyguy

I think you should push your ideas on her. One her beliefs were pushed on her , she would not be a JW if she wasn't raised that way. Two she is told to push her religion on others . Three her beliefs will result in a wasted life and probably a lot of unhappiness . It's your job as a parent to help guide your kids so they have a chance at a better life then you had and possibly make less mistakes then you. Push away!

Landy

You say she's a teenager but not how old - if she's 13 and living under your roof then that's different to her been 19 and living somewhere else.

Ultimately she has to make her own mind up - yes you can have conversations where you encourage her to think for herself but if if you come up against something she believes in then she will entrench and you'll make matters worse.

You catch more flies with jam than you do with vinegar.

Daughter doesn't want me to push my beliefs on her

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