Were you given the tools to survive?

by Swan 14 Replies latest watchtower medical

  • Swan

    I feel like I was never given the tools to survive. I feel short-changed and ill-equipped to handle life. In many ways I still feel like a child. I want my Mom. I want to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over myself. I want to crawl under a desk or table and curl into a ball. I want to shut out the world. I want to find peace. All I can find lately is turmoil.

    Why am I not like everyone else? What makes them able to survive? How did they get the tools they needed? Why didn't I get any? Where can I get some?

    I don't know what direction to turn. There isn't a Home Depot for survival tools. Those tools were passed out to the class on a day I was absent. I never got the make-up test. I think my parents excused me to go sit in the library instead.

    Is that what it is? Is that what all of the other kids got at the Christmas party? While I sat in the library, the survival tools were passed out. Yeah. I think maybe that's what happened.

    Now they are all grown up and functioning normally. I grew up too, but I don't function well at all. Sometimes I can hide it and make do. It's like using a dime to remove a screw instead of a screwdriver. It's not efficient, but eventually it gets the job done, and usually nobody is the wiser.

    But then sometimes they catch you pounding in a nail with your shoe, and then it is very apparent that you don't have the tools. It is hard to deny. You can't hide it anymore. You can't do anything but break down and cry.


  • SixofNine

    (Swan) I know this feeling well.

    Please remember that you have survived though. And take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone; check out the threads we've had recently on "roots" and "not fitting in". I really believe that while we who were raised as witnesses truly were shortchanged, the bigger truth is that this feeling you're having is common to most humans. Yep, even "worldly" people, from what I can see, feel lost, feel on the outside.

    Perhaps that seems like small comfort, but it really helps me at times to realize when I feel so vulnerable, that I'm only feeling human.

    Then I swell up with pride and go find someone smaller to pick on .

  • nilfun
    Why am I not like everyone else?

    Because you are beautifully unique.
    But also realize that you are not alone
    in what you are feeling right now.

    Be patient with yourself. Don't fight against
    who you are.

    Some people feel that therapy serves as a kind
    of "Home Depot" for this kind of thing, have you
    considered trying it?

    I'm so sorry that you are feeling badly.


  • obiwan

    Your not alone, I had to figure them out all by myself...no help from my parents or anyone else.

  • blondie

    Maybe not, but that doesn't I'm going to lay there and die.

    I have survived an alcoholic, sexually, emotionally, spiritually abusive family. Did they give me the tools to survive? No, but I went to teachers, neighbors, other relatives to get what I needed. And I survived. But I found the tools to live by going to Al-Anon, ACOA, and ex-JW support groups, as well as seeing a counselor.

    One thing I learned is that I was not alone and that not only JWs are struggling out there to find the tools to live. Some of the best help came from people in an ACOA group where I learned to value myself and how to deal with those around me that were continuing to devalue me. I learned that it sometimes means leaving those that others assume will love and support you, parents, siblings, spouses. Leaving without guilt, protecting yourself, giving yourself room to grow, learn, live.


  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    Swan, I've considered this from more than a few angles....I wasn't given the tools to survive in TODAY's world.....and like many others, I've had to learn/make my own....but I believe the reason is the same reason that neither have any of us with grown kids probably given them what they really need to survive in tomorrow's world.....our parents (or those who raised us) weren't equipped with the info/tools needed to survive in today's world, just as we aren't equipped to advise anyone else on how to survive in tomorrow's world....I think there's a reason for this....there's no better teacher than experience.....it's from experience that we gain wisdom.....we only gain knowledge from what is taught.....just like little fledglings pushed from the nest, we fly or fall, think or thwim.....life really is what we make of it....

    Frannie B

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I didn't get the tools either. but because I came from a highly dysfunctional family long before my mother got involved with the borg

    Go to your local library or bookstore - and look for the recovery section. They are huge. And there are hundreds of books to help you get the tools you need.

  • tinkerbell82

    (((hug))) i know exactly what you mean. sometimes i feel like everyones' brains are 1000 piece puzzles, and my box only came with 999. i'm glad i'm not the only one who thinks this way. thanks for sharing; your post made me feel a lot better. :)

  • mizpah


    The one important thing to remember is to not waste time looking back and regretting what we did not do. Also, avoid the mistake of blaming others for our own deficiencies. The past can not be recovered. We can only work in the present and future.

    Set realistic goals and then pursue them. There are many opportunities available out there that were not twenty or thirty years ago. But one needs a positive attitude and drive to accomplish it.

    Sometimes it helps to sit down and write out your strong points. See how these can assist you to acheive the goals you have set. Then write down the negatives. See how you can overcome these and improve your situation. The one person that can help you is yourself. You CAN do it. Good luck

  • czarofmischief

    What you need is a good dose of Hulkamania!

    Rah rah, testosterone time!

    Pain is weakness leaving the body! Now drop and give me 20.

    You can learn any skills you need. But most of all, what nobody can teach you, is the WILL to survive! The drive to win!

    You are worth something, you will do so much, no get up and do it! Get to the library. Find something to learn about. Have a big friggin christmas party in the middle of September. Rebel! Feel the rush of freedom! Get piss drunk! do karaoke! test yourself! If you aren't terrified, you aren't growing! Get a motorcycle license. Do something you always wanted to and couldn't because of dubdom!


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